after 10 years, and a near-death WLS experience, my husband has left me!!
Hi. My name is Nicole. My husband (soon to be ex) and I have been together for 10 years... married for 6. He was always heavy, and thought he didn't deserve me; but i never, ever saw him as anything other than handsome. I fell in love with his soul - almost immediately. I was apprehensive about him having the gastric bypass surgery; but it was important to him. Our intimate life together had dwindled over the years as he put on more weight, and his self esteem went from low to non existant... it broke my heart. No matter what I said, he hated himself. No amount of diet or exerise worked. He used to always tease that he was a thin man trapped in a big body - because he was very active, considering his size. He wanted to have a family with me, yet we weren't able to conceive naturally. So, I guess you could say we've had a tough run of things. But the love between us was always there... and despite everything, we could laugh. And he was the kindest man I had ever known. Until now.
He almost died, had a total of four surgeries. The lap went wrong with a staple gun misfire. After they thought they'd fixed it, he had a fever and was tachacardic. They wound up doing a full incision, looking for a problem. He was relased a week later. Not a month afterwards, he was back in the hospital. A few times... for close to 5 months. I never left his side - my hotel bill was insane! He was put in ICU every time, as he had been vomiting and passing blood in his stool. Enormous amounts... but the doctors keep sending him home, couldn't find the problem. After close to 20 blood transfusions, and two cortorized blood clots, they found a leak. Had been at the orginial surgery site all along... undetected.
Finally, with baited breath, we received his one-year clean bill of health in September 2005. He was excited about his new life... and we thought we could rest a bit easier - finally. Two months later, while on vacation for my 30th Birthday with another couple, I discovered he had been having an affair with a college student. Sneaking off to see her every Wednesday - even on our Anniversary. On top of it all, I had gotten pregnant (the IVF worked), but miscarried. He was with her while I was home feeling bad. Between his surgery experience and that loss, he just shut down - completely. He said he didn't want to be married anymore, never wanted children, and just wanted to be alone. He moved out of our house thanksgiving weekend... and we've been apart ever since. I took a small apartment, and he moved back into our old place - just around the corner. We are "cordial" to one another, but when I look at him i see nothing. Not a single trace of the man he used to be.
I don't even recognize him anymore. It's as if he did die after surgery; and in a way, it almost seems worse to me because he's here and doesn't want me. I can forgive what he did - they're just actions. They mean nothing and people make mistakes ;but what I can't get over is who he's become.
He's short tempered, and nasty. I look in his eyes, and I don't see love or respect... i see hate and indifference. He wants nothing to do with me. It hurts so much.
I guess the point of this very long story is hope - hope that others have spouses who have undergone drastic personality changes after WLS. I want somebody to tell me I'm not crazy... but it all seems like a very big coincidence. Or maybe I'm just reaching - and need to let go.
Help 
Sorry to hear about all the crap that has happen to you and your marrage. I think all WLS patients undergo a drastic personality change, But not in the way you view you husbands. And if he was near death, I would look at that avenue more then the WLS itself. They are both life changing. I do not know what else to tell you. I do not know if it helps, But their it is.
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