I feel that I have failed my wife

My Wife is only Three Weeks post-op and I have already ruined her experience. I am already having a hard time dealing with her emotions, but then again I have always had a hard time dealing with emotions. I find myself creating arguments over food, it is amazing how food can rule our lives. I need someone to please tell me how I can overcome my selfishness and be supportive to my wife? I feel as though we are just seeing the tip of the iceburg for the things that are comming in our lives and I want to be there when it happens. I would also like to know how future relationships are being effected through the surgery. from what I have seen the person who gets the surgery seems to move in another direction from thier mate. I love my wife very much and do not want to lose her we started our life journey together and I want to end it together.

Hi Jeff, I can see you really love your wife and while you may have put your foot in it...temporarily, I think just share with your wife how much you want to support her and ask how you can do this so that she feels supported. You mentioned you have a hard time with emotions...this will be a great opportunity for you to change and grow as your wife will be changing as well. To keep the connection, I think you both will have to change and communicate together. What kind of arguements are you creating about food? My husband is having the operation in October, and has to lose weight prior to the day, and I find myself struggling not to nag him if/when he eats something he'd be better off not having but trying to find a way to encourage him not to give up. I feel like you...this is only the beginning and it's scary and exciting. I try to remember my hubby is probably feeling the same way, although he doesn't do the emotion sharing thing well or consistently. But God I love him for trying over and over. Just my two cents that didn't solve anything. But continue posting on the board...I think you will find lots of support and empathy from the other spouses. Vi

Jeff, I am 5 years 7 months post op and my wife Kathy has just 2 weeks to go for her surgery. I've been quietly afraid of doing the same thing that you posted about. I want to be there for my girl. This thought popped into my mind when I read your post. How you and she handle the good times together is not necessarily a mark of your relationship - it's how you guys handle the hardest of times that really shows your commitment to each other. This being the case treat your wife with kid gloves; give her as much room as humanly possible. If she is a good woman and partner it will come back to you both in the form of a stronger bond to each other. Remember she needs you now more than at any other part of your relationship - possibily more than she's ever needed anyone! You can do it. Just look at each day as an individual challenge. Eventually she will heal and learn her new stomach, and things will improve. Jeff M.

Hi Jeff, It is good that you see yourself as doing something that is hurting your relationship. Now, you need to find out why? Are you jealous of her? Are you envious? Are you fearful? Something is sabatoging your good feelings for her. Maybe it is time to talk to someone about issues that you may be in denial about? Also, she is going through a major life changing experience and her hormones and emotions are going for a wild ride as her weight melts off. Keeping her in the loop with her OB/GYN doctor is important as well. I don't know how you to discuss things like this, but dropping the idea in her head may not be your call. Now is the time she needs you the most for your support and love. Hang in there. Paula