Support

Hi I've never posted here before but here goes. I am recently married ( will be 2 months at the end of July), but we've lived together for the past 3 years. I had tried to get approval for WLS back at the end of the year only to find out this past March that the Dr no longer takes my insurance. So I was bummed out and basically gave up on getting surgery. I finally started looking into other options with different Dr's and found a place that has a very fast process of getting approved and doing your consult and getting scheduled quickly for surgery. Well now that I have my consult scheduled he tells me he is now not supportive of the idea of surgery and thinks I can do it on my own if I just try harder at diet and exercise. I've tried for 11 years with no great weight loss. I'm just as confused as he is I mean I know he loves me and wants me to be healthy his main concern is that the worst case scenario happens and he is left alone to raise 3 boys. Can anyone help either of us with any suggestions or support. Thank you in advance for any assistance. Anita

I suspect that it is fear that is talking. It is a huge step to have the surgery and there are some substantial risks involved. This is very frightening to family and friends who don't truely understand your delima. My mother was the same way. She did not want me to have the surgery in any shape, manner or form. But I pointed out to her that it was have the surgery now with the risks involved or be very DEAD in 5 to 10 years. Walk him through all the things you have done in the past and how they have not worked. Explain all the possible complications to him and what can be done to minimize them. This will also help educate yourself about them and what you need to watch out for. Yes, death is a possibility. Get a Will and Advanced Heath Directive written. Discuss what you would like done with your body if you do die. Discuss how you would like the boys to be raised if you aren't there. No, this part isn't very encouraging, but it needs to be done. Have him come with you to the consult so that he can ask the questions that have him fearful. But, if he has met your surgeon already, maybe he is picking up on something that you aren't seeing. Don't totally discount his feelings. Talk to some of this surgeon's other patients. Check your surgeon's record in terms of complications and deaths. Ask him/her point blank for those figures. If he/she hems and haws about it, RUN! Good luck, Kee

Hello you are very blessed to have someone so concerned and loving in your corner sometimes our closest companions cannott understand the battle that living our life as an obese person really is they see us with love so they can not see the shame and stigma that often accompanies us as we journey through this thin focused fat phobic world. If you know that you can not lose it the diet excercise calorie counting way then research research research then research some more. check out doctors facilities and procedures do not rule out less invasive surgeries like vs or vbg or lapband look at ds and rny lap vs. open etc. go to seminars with hubby and try and get him as involved as possible and remember that in the long run you have to live in this body be informed and make your own decision surgery is not a magic bullet you still have to eat right excercise and follow certain rules like vitamin and water intake.Surgery is a tool and if you use it properly most of the time you will get dramatic results. Good Luck Dee

My husband told me the same thing. Just work out and eat smaller meals and you'll lose. HELLO if that was the case I would me smaller and not 338lbs. I took my husband to a support meeting and just talked his ear off about the surgery. Sending him information on WLS by email so he could read it. Deep down in side my husband was still scared to death the day of the surgery but he was still at my side What does he think now? He loves the new me and even scolds me if I don't eat properly. He is my love, joy and back bone now. Donna 338/196 -142