husband bringing me back down

Hi my name is Regina I am 6 mon out and have lost 124 pounds I started out on July 14, 2004 at 356 and now on January 17, 2005 I am down to 232. I am and amputee since 1995 after my sons birth I had blood clots and lost my right leg. I thought after having surgery it may be easier to walk with less weight. I was about 190 when I met my husband in high school. So I was never on the light side. But back then I use to wear my makeup and fix my hair and since we had kids I never took the time for my self and now since surgery and I have lost 124 I am starting to care for my self now and I dont think my husband likes that and it is bringing me down bad at times I just wish I could leave he makes me cry so much. I think he rather me look like a slob the other day he told me that he is going to start working out when I start walking because he has nothing to worry about as long as I am in a wheelchair. That really hurt me bad. But when I ask him to go do things with me he does not want to. He rather not be with me this is what I am feeling can anyone give me some insite on this. I have tried to get him to come to this web site to try to help him and he will not. And it does not help that he is and alcoholic and is very mentaly and occasionally physically abusive. I feel I am falling into a slump now. I welcome any help I can get. Thanks, Regina email address [email protected]

Hum.. that sounds like your in a very bad spot.. SOunds like he is cruel to say suchthings to you.. I have no advice really to give however i will say a prayer for your situation. (((((hugs)))))

Regina, all else aside, the fact as you stated he is an alcoholic, very mentally and occasionally physically abusive is reason enough to leave. No one has the right to treat another human being in such a manner. You deserve someone who will love you and treat you with love, kindness and most of all respect. Also think about your dear son. Is this the way you want him to grow up, thinking this the 'right way' to treat a woman? It's time to break the cycle NOW, before it can continue with another generation, and before it gets worse for you. My thoughts and prayer go with you. Debbie

I´m going to go ahead and put my two cents in and agree with what the previous post said. It´s time for you to leave but the fact of the matter is no matter what we or anyone else say, I´ts up to you. How long do you plan to be unhappy. I´m sorry to say that the problem is not your husband. I'TS YOU. You have to search within yourself, take a look in that mirror and see yourself. Do you love him more than you love yourself?. What are you scared of? I'm sorry to be so brutal but I went through the insecurity and low self esteem issue who kept me from being happy. This April I will be 2 years post op. I lost 167 lbs already and I have a new body and a new attitude with the help of a therapist. My advise to you is you know what you have to do. If you need help doing seek the help of a therapist for you and your son. Good luck

Hi Regina, I am going to tell you one word that will change your life if you are willing to give it your full attention and listen, have you ever heard the expression ( you have to walk the walk to talk the talk) you will open a new and wonderful life if you are willing the word is al-anon look in you local paper under community meetings and give it a try and remember we are mostly held back by our own fears , set yours free!! Russ

Been there .. done that... I was married to an alcoholic for 14 years. always putting me down. (I wasn't even really heavy then)... Now married to the best man in the world. Honey life is too short to be abused.. Kick his butt to the curb and get on with your life.. Vivian McCormack

God bless you and hold you . You are not a fat slob or a cripple or a monster of any kind.you are brave and kind and strong. anything that he says negative about you is his fear. he points out your legs because he fears standing up for himself, he plays on your weakness because it is the only thing that makes the little scared boy in him feel like a man. He drinks to hide from himself, and lashes out at you to stop hating himself. You are better than this. hold on to the voices from your childhood that told you you were special whether it was a grandma, mother, father, teacher, or friend. meditate and learn to listen to that inner voice that tells you I am Special I do not deserve to be a punching bag I do not deserve to be disrespected. Stop going through life to please others and learn how to love yourself every part. find the beauty in your scars inside and out because they are evidence that you are here, they are a mark of your limited time on this earth. If someone gave you a work of art appraised at one million and 10 dollars you chipped it, and it was re-appraised at one million dollars minus the ten, would that art be any less expensive. would the value have diminished so much that you allowed people to use it as a spit cup or slop jar. You are priceless one of a kind no other before or after in the history of mankind. do not allow any one else to appraise you or treat you like garbage. because priceless with a chip is still valuable and rare. Peace

I was in love with an alcoholic for awhile. Anyone who lives with one needs a support group like Al-Anon. 1) To validate that you are not crazy, and restore your sanity. 2) To recognize that alcoholic and codependant behaviors are the source of many problems. It's not really about you and him. Other people's stories will sound strikingly familiar. 3) To recognize codependant behaviors in yourself. Stop feeling guilt and/or resentment, and make the best of your own life. You can't do anything about him, and the good relationship you had isn't coming back. But you can take care of yourself. Work on and strengthen yourself, and you will be happier, no matter what else is going on. 4) To get God's help in changing yourself. Only you can and should make the decision about whether to leave or not. In my story, my alcoholic talked about change, but loved the alcohol more. I couldn't wait any longer. With great difficulty and definitely God's help (I was still in love), I let go and moved on. I hope that she gets better some day.

Hi, I am very new to this sight just found it today. I am having husband issues too, but I have thought about it alot . I am about to embark in a wonderful change in my live, but I think sometime our spouses are threatened and dont know how to tell us their fears. Just as they have had exceptance of us and our weight issue craziness we need to have patience with them coming to terms with our changing bodies. Not only our our bodies changing but our minds and souls and selfesteem. If your husband is truely an alcoholic you need to get out of there and go to alanon (12 step ) meetings.Just as this WLS is a tool for us to loose weight there that can give you tools to help your family.