I'm the PRE-OP, however my spouse

OKAY....not that I'm looking for sympathy or concern from my hubby....But, I feel like........... my, hubby is way "TO SUPPORTIVE" in my plans/desire to have wls! Gosh, I really expected some hesitiation in his part...I mean this is MAJOR SURGERY and we have two small childeren!!! Yet, he has not done any research on his part...only thing he did was watch the AL ROKER special with me on tv! I'm convinced that he believes that this is a EASY way out for for me. I believe that he is so tried of me looking/being fat that he DOESN'T care to what extremes I take to get skinney! I weighed 140lbs at 5'8", 18 yrs of age, when I met him back in '93 when we started dating. Currently I'm 275, eleven years and two children later!. I feel so because his reluctance to view info I've gathered/uninvolvement to research this surgery/risks/complications makes me feel like i'm really NOT that important!!!! The only thing he has made a BIG deal about was for me to get LIFE INSURANCE ON MYSELF BEFORE I HAVE SURGERY!!!!!!! Can you believe it?????? I feel like, okay let my wife die, in attempts to become healty, and then I can pay off our mortgage and bills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do????????????????

Hi there sounds like your hubby is totally scared about the whole thing.I doubt it is his lack of caring.There are alot of issues that he is dealing with right now also and probably cant put it into words.He might be feeling left out, or afraid that you might become a new person that he dosent know.I think he needs to talk and express his concerns with someone whom has gone through it. Feel free to email me an I would be happy to talk with him. Good Luck!! Richard R.N.

Hi I know just how you feel because I felt the same way when I started researching WLS. My husband felt I should go for it and then kept very quiet. I had all the same feelings you do so I sat him down and asked to talk about it. It turns out that he really was SCARED and had no idea how to approach the whole thing. He has fears of what can happen, what if I leave him widowed with 2 little girls, how will he handle things since I do all the bills and accounting. He got even more scared after watching the Al Roker special because he saw the story of a man who died after the surgery. If he loves you(your husband) remember that WLS is a risk you are taking and maybe he feels better just not discussing it or pretending it is not going to happen but I urge you to TALK ABOUT IT either way. Communication is crucial to any relationship and maybe, just maybe he is waiting for you to take the first step. I hope I helped in some small way. E

I am thinking of getting WLS. My hubb didnt reply at forst then seemed all for it. I like you though he wasnt concerned. Tunrs out he is scred to say one way or the other. He dont want to input adive that may go bad i think. So he just listens to me and tries to be supportive Sometimes that is the best we all can do

It might be that he trusts you to judge whether or not it is safe and the appropriate thing for you to do. I understand that you want him to value you, and not want to lose you. Maybe he feels that way, but is afraid that he would appear weak if he appears to NEED you! You know how some men are. My husband was a bit hesitant at first. Then he seemed to really get into the idea. Of course, naturally, I started to get a little irritated that he might like the idea of a "skinny wife" just a bit too much! But it is human nature for people to have mixed feelings about something especially as serious as this. (I had to go out of the country for over 2 weeks. My teenage son said, "I won't miss you. It's not like you won't be coming back or something!" He is usually a very sensitive kid.) But I think it is their way of distancing themselves from the problem.... so they won't have to worry. Like the ostrich, stick its head in the sand and the boogie man disappears!