New here..... wife of WLS patient

wow is all I can say. Im glad to see there are actually other people who are having the same feelings as me out there. I am seeing the same fear over and over.... fear of losing the person you love and unfortunately for some of you it has happened. I know my husband loves me very much. We are practically newleyweds, but what worries me the most is he has never been thin. He has not experienced all the attention and comments of Wow, you look incredible! I guess the fear is there somewhat but not right out front in my face. The fear of losing him to a complication is much worse. I know the surgery is for the best for all of us (family) but it doesnt make the fears any less. Any advice, comments good or bad, support just whatever basically is much appreciated and helpful. Surgery is less than a month away Aug. 20, 2004 Kerry

Kerry: Congratulations to your husband for coming so far to better his life with his family. I think that is the most important and that is the reason I went through this (5 weeks ago). I used to be thin prior to having kids, and as I got heavier, I never lost confidence, so I've always experienced compliments and attention. I can imagine, the more thin I get, the more this will happen. My advice, stick by him, giving him support, guidance, helping him select food and showing him quick things he can cook for himself if you are not home. I turn to my husband amd ask "can I eat (insert food item here) yet?" and he will USUALLY answer "No, not yet". Even though I've researched this for about a year, I think he knows more than I do. He didn't agree with my decision to have the surgery right away and that hurt me, but then when he realized I was serious and that I need his support, he started reading up online. He very much cares about me and what I am going through. For this reason, I would never want to lose him, fat or skinny! Be there for your husband, he will appreciate that so much! Good luck!! Tara

Kerry, I just registered so this is my first response. I have worked as a physcian's assistant my entire working life andI was still absolutley terrified that my husband chose to have surgery-His physician sat me down and explained that the risks of his diabetes and sleep apenia far outweighed the risks of surgery (my husband is a terrible patient and would not follow his diet). I did not think our life would be normal and that we would never be able to entertain or go out to dinner etc.(selfish on my part) Well, the surgery was a great success. He is 3 months post op and has lost 76 pounds. He was taking 3 insulin doses a day, Lipitor, Celebrex and is off all his meds as of the day of surgery. He does NOT snore or trash around during the night. He does not gasp for air after a flight of stairs. He walks and swims because he is no longer so exhausted. At first you will feel like you are living with someone who is terminally ill.But after 8 weeks, it will become more normal.The meals become totally trial and error. Different people tolerate different foods. He can eat almost everything(not a good thing) His biggest problem is eating to fast or too big a portion at one time.Your biggest problem, in the beginning, will be cooking for youself. Good luck Peg

Hi I am soon having surgery and my hubby of 20 yrs says im going to leave him once I get all skinny etc. I got married at 16 im now 36 and I am scared of the possibility of getting comments from men I have NEVER had a boyfriend and my hubby wasnt even my boyfriend. We met and 3 mo later were married. Been married 20 yrs now with 2 teens. I catch myself though throwing it in his face when I get mad that im gonna leave him for another man when I lose all this weight. BUT IM JUST MAD AT THE TIME. I love him more than life itself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!