My Husband

I am the patient having the surgery, and my husband is supportive but he is scared I will die on the table. How can I confort him? What can I tell him so he is not so frightened. When he hurts, I hurt, we are very close. We have only been married 6 years and he told me this morning that 6 years wasn't long enough. I know the surgery is more dangerous then other surgeries, I can't lie to him and say I know for a fact I will be fine. I would love any suggestions.

Hi, Peggy I'm a pre-op and my husband is trying to stay neutral. BAsically he feels that if I just got SERIOUS about dieting I won't have to do the surgery. Has your husband had a chance to visit with your surgeon and ask questions? Does your surgeon have a good record, and is he experienced? Be sure your husband knows that you're having this so that you will be with him longer! I used to be worried like that when my husband went on business trips. Silly? Be sure he knows you understand and appreciate his concern. Let him ask questions on these message boards. It's really hard. Joanne

Peggy, Please do what is right for you. I am two weeks post-op and my family has been great. My husband and two teen-age sons were both scared for me and the couple of days before surgery so was I. But I think both my husband and I knew that I had to do something. I was heavy when we got married but in the 24 years since, I gained 100 pounds. I have missed so much being heavy and I don't want to miss anthing else....like an old age with my hubby. I feel so good right now and the weight is coming off and the men in my life are proud of me. So, Please try not to be scared and go fo it. I will pray for you.

Well, my fiancee just went through the surgery this past Tuesday. So, I was kind of in the same place as your hubby. I think what helped me the most was knowing all about the surgery, being able to go to all the doctor's visits, ask questions, and then just trying to concentrate on how awesome things will when my fiancee is happier, able to do more, and can finally see herself as the same beautiful person that I already do. But when it comes down to the time to go in for the surgery - it's damn scarry for us spouses as well. We usually know the risks, and it's next to impossible to shut them out completely or at all when you're sitting in the hospital waiting room to hear the results from the surgeon. My suggestion - when it's time to go to the hospital, make sure he has someone he's close to with him. My parents offered to come sit with me during the operation, but I thought I'd be OK with it, so I declined. I was a total wreck, most definantly the most terrifying 2.5 hours of my life, and was wishing I had a family member or good friend with me. But it went from probably the worst feeling in the world to probably the best when I finally was able to see her and talk to her. I don't remember if I cried or not when I saw her, but I sure felt like I could. It's never easy when there is a chance that the person you love more than anyone in the whole world might not make it.

I felt exactly as your husband did. I was angry that my husband could simply not follow his diabetic diet and loose weight.I went to all the meetings and doctor's visit and asked tons of questions. But this web site was the most helpful.I read a letter from another spouse that helped me deal with my fears. Print him some spouses replies. His primary physician explained that my husbands medical problems were far more serious in the long term than the risks of surgery. He is now 3 mos. post-op and has lost 78 pounds. He is also off all his meds including his insulin. His blood sugars are down 100 points, and his blood pressure has dropped dramactically. We met other couples at the meetings and on the day of surgery and call each other for support and ideas. We have been married 35 years and we can now look forward to another 35 Good luck Peg L

hey peggy, my hubby had the surgery in may and he thought the same thing. he was so scared that he was never going to wake up not from the surgery itself but more from the anastecia. i undertand where youre comeing from he and i are very close too. i just tried to assure him that everything was going to be perfectly fine and that the doctor that was doing his surgery knew what he was doing. i mean he did for a living. i also told him that he couldnt think about the negative things that COULD happen, he had to think of the positive things that WERE going to happen and that after the surgery he was going to feel so much better about himself and know that what he did would save his life. that seemed to make him feel a lot more comfortable with the surgery jitters. now he tells everyone that he had gastric bypass surgery and that hes lost 100 lbs. if you asked him how he feels about it now he'll tell you in a heart beat that it saved his life and he feels so much better. hope this helps you shanna