The hurt and pain of WLS

Has any of the spouses thought about the downside of WLS? Some of you might not want to even think about this happening to you but I have to tell you about what has happened to me. I would like to share my story. Ayear ago this past march my wife had the surgery. She was 45. Over the last year she lost about 140lbs. Mentally she turned into a totally different person. She gained new friends. She began doing things she never did before. I must add she was 120lbs when we married. She was being noticed more. Going different places with new friends. Needless to say about 4 weeks ago she left me. I was pushed out of her life by her new looks and the new attention she was getting. I am now alone. She walked out on me and now is with another man. I have never had to deal with anything so hard in all my life. We were married for 25 years. If any of you can maybe explain to me what happened I would appreciate anything you can share. [email protected]

Randy, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please know that you are in my prayers. I am a gastric bypass patient not a spouse but I do feel your pain!! Melinda

Thank you Melinda. Please do one thing for me. Whatever you do please don't let your body take over your mind. I have found out the hard way what it does to a person.

I have heard that when people lose weight after never experiencing the "light" side of life, they decide they want more out of life. Its too bad your wife could not experience all that life has to offer a thin person with you, her dear husband, at her side. I am so sorry for this. She obviously has lost a wonderful man. I think somewhere down the line when all this newness wheres off she will see that she made a terrible mistake, epecially when she begins to age and her "looks" fade, as they do for everyone sooner or later. Steve's wife Debbie

Thank you Steve's wife Debbie. I like that. My wife weighed 120lbs when we were married. She knew what it was like. She was a beautiful woman. After 4 kids and a few years she ended up at 300lbs. A little while before the surgery we were so much in love we even renewed our vows. This is why I can't understand what happened. Something about the surgery altered her mind. If that is even possible. Since all this has happened to me I have been praying that nobody else will let this happen to them. I'm talking about the people that have had it or are going to. And the spouses too for that matter. Make sure you don't let your new body take over your mind like I told Melinda. I hope all of you can be happy with each other and not let what happened to me happen to you.

Randy, I am so sorry about the break up. It is really sad that you just re newed your vows. That makes it even more perplexing. When I got married I was 145 lbs. After 4 kids and a few years I am now 200 lbs. When we got married my husband was about 315 and now he is about 320. When I met him 22 yrs ago he was just under 200 but quickly gained up to 300. YOu see it is not me that is having the surgery but Steve. So it looks like I'll be the one that is on the side lines. I am hoping we can lose weight together. I'm the one doing the research and trying to learn everything about other peoples experiences. I sure hope life dosnt throw me any surprises. I would be lost with out him. It just amazes me when people are determined to love each other forever one day and then decide not to the next. I still wonder if she will be sorry some day. (We can only hope) Debbie

Randy: It's obvious how much you love your wife. I am so sorry you are in pain and that was caused by her. I am post-op and I know that my attitude has changed a bit because of the compliments I've received over and over. Prior to children I was VERY thin, like your wife, but my husband has stood by me as a fat person and always thought that I was beautiful. The last thing I would EVER want to do is hurt him. I made a comment the other day to him that I am still sorry for. See, prior to my surgery, he told me that he would diet and eat what I eat with smaller portions to try and lose weight. He is by no means fat, but has a typical guy belly. I asked him if he was going to do this or not because he hadn't started eating with me, and he said "no way". I started to say "well, you should" and got out "well, you shhhhhhhhh" and I could see the hurt in his face. He said "You know, I never made comments like that to you before you started losing weight." Well he had made comments, but not often at all. He's always been supportive. I had no right to even begin to make a comment like that. I wish your wife appreciated the fact that you stood by her and enjoyed her when she was thin as well as when she wasn't. What she's done is not fair and I've seen it a lot. I pray to God I do not get that ignorant! Tara

Hi Randy, I am not a spouse of a WLS patient--I am a patient. I had my surgery 2 yrs ago. Like you, I have been married a long time...this yr will be 30. We too renewed our vows at 25 yrs. I have never been on the "light" side as your wife has. My husband met and married me heavy. thru out the years, my husband has always had a weight problem, but being in the military always had to keep it under control. He retired a few years ago and so did his willpower to keep his weight down. I had my WLS after I was told I was a diabetic. I knew I had to do something and so the research began. I have never known what it was like to be thin and now that I am, and also not a diabetic anymore either..the question here..have I changed? Yes I have..because I feel better about myself. I still love my husband with all my heart and I don't care to be with anyone else, but he is also breaking my heart. I cook all low fat, low carb meals..for him and me yet he is not losing any weight. He had a "silent" heart attack a couple of yrs ago, has high BP, high cholesterol, high trig. severe sleep apena (uses a CPAP at night) which is very romantic to look at.. and is a smoker. He has been told by all his Dr's to quit smoking first and then lose the weight. He hasn't even attempted either. I can't do it for him. He has to do it for him his health--same reason I did it for my health for me. When I told my Dr (our family Dr) how I felt..stress etc) he told me I hope you have a lot of life ins on him. Nice thing for your Dr to say, but he was being honest. I can't stand what my husband is doing to himself..almost like on a self destruct course. By the way, this started long before I had my WLS. But after dumping 135 lbs, (we're both 52) I feel so much better, so healthy, I feel as though I have a new life, but I want my life with my husband, but at the rate he's going, I won't have that. I have had several talks with him, but as all of us former "fluffy's" know, all the talking in the world didn't do a dam thing. heavy people are not happy, although they don't realize they're not happy till they lose the weight. All my writing probably has nothing to do with what you wrote, but I wanted you to know that this surgery DOES change a person. I was hoping it wouldn't with me, but it has. probably because, first, I never knew what it was like to buy size 8's, people treat heavy people different..I am the same person, well almost, that I was when I was heavy. My husband can't keep up with me. I'm always on the go. I started doing the yard work because his face would get so cherry red, I thought he would drop of a heart attack or stroke, besides the excerise feels great to me and I've told him so. I'm so sorry that your wife has left, you sound like such a loving caring husband and it's HER loss. Hopefully down the road, she'll realize that.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Hang in there.

Randy i am sorry to hear that your wife left you after she had the surgery. I am not having the surgery but my wife is... I can understand how painful it is for you. My prayers go out to you. < Marc >