Toilet hygiene

Hi, can anyone advise me how to encourage my husband to clean himself properly in the toilet?  I talked to him about Bottom Buddy... he said he couldn't reach, but would try... he keeps making a mess in the loo and my family ( mum and son) are complaining.  I'm in the middle of this. Keep trying to help but feel a bit lost; dreading that I might have to do this for him. He is deeply depressed and struggles with mobility due to arthritis and heavy weight, but I just sense he doesn't want to tackle this. any advice would be great. I feel like I'm going round in circles with this one.

Is he receiving any treatment for the depression? I'd imagine that would be the number one thing, even beyond the arthritis and heavy weight. If he feels like he's already failed, he's not going to be motivated to take care of himself in this way (or in any other ways, really.) 

sounds to me that he needs to have the RNY so he can be normal and take care of himself. other than that tell him to take a shower after doing his business

An adult male does not want to properly clean himself post poo? Uhhhhh, he needs some mental assistance, NOW! That is just wrong on a variety of levels! 
He needs to clean up any mess he makes, PRONTO!

Something to consider... it is possible that he simply cannot manage it with the tools he currently has.  I know my DH, before his surgery, had gotten to the point that aside for one toilet in the house, simply could not wipe himself fully. He was so frustrated and at the lowest emotional point, was having to ask me to take care of him.  (That's true love right there that I actually helped him!)  He tried everything from using things to wipe with but still couldn't get it all.  He would take a shower afterwards many times because he honestly was exhausting himself trying to get clean.  This issue was one of the big trigger points for his decision to have WLS!

If your husband also has arthritis, then honestly, I'm surprised he can do anything in that area if he has shoulder, elbow, or wrist issues!

It is possible that if he has been trying and trying and still falling short of satisfying the other people in the house, he may have simply given up - thinking that when he exhausts himself and goes through the joint pain, and they still are telling him he didn't do a good job, then why bother to try.

Instead of talking to him about an extender, have you simply purchased one for him?  If so, then you might try practicing with it yourself - it looks like a wonderful tool, but I am sure it doesn't seem quite so easy to use without making a mess the first few times.  Perhaps you could give him some pointers on using it?

Good luck on your issue!! I hope it has improved since your first posting.