How Can I Help My Obese Wife?
My concern is for her health. She has already had a heart attack, and diabetes runs in her family. Recently, we had a very short-lived discussion about the possibility of wls which ended with her being angry about even having the conversation. I am at a loss as to how to proceed from here. I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to lose her. I am fearful of her not being around to enjoy our grandkids.
Can anyone provide some counsel? Should I just keep my mouth shut? Should I be more forceful, even if it means her being angry for awhile? I know she would need to make the decision for herself to have surgery. But, how do I get her to even look into it?
Thanks for the help,
Don
Judy
my wife is only 30 and she had the surgery. she said in the past that she would never have it but after having loss of breath a few times she decided something had to be done. she saw dr graber in new york and that was in may of 2009. and he said if she didnt have surgery she would die in less then 10 years, she had it and is doing awseome. a friend of ours had the ame surgery and is in her mid 50's and could not walk far and less then a year after surgery is now walking and doing a lot,. show your wife the before and after pics on this site, that may help. or have other family members talk to her. hope this helps
darren
on 10/25/10 11:20 pm
Would you and your wife happen to have any friends in common who had a successful weight loss suregery? If so do you think that person may be willing to talk to her? That might help to dispel any myths on how dangerous it is compared to letting the obesity co-morbidities take over her life. Some WLS has a high cure rate for diabetes as well.
Bless you for wanting to help your wife and keep her longer and in good health! Unfortunately, it sounds like she isn't ready or willing to do this, and until she is, it wouldn't do her any good anyway. Life after WLS is a big change and she has to be willing to commit to those changes in order for her to be successful. The only thing you can do is love her, support her, and show her how much she means to you every day. As a last comment on the subject, you could tell her that the idea of growing old and enjoying your grandkids without her makes you very sad, and you're going to miss her when you have to leave her home to attend their events when it becomes too hard for her to leave the house or participate. I know it's a personal choice to have WLS, but to have the opportunity and pass it up, especially in extreme need cases, seems almost selfish to me because it's the spouse and their families that are left to care for the obese person once their co-morbidities wreck their health and leave them incapacitated. I doubt she's considering what it's going to mean for you when you have to wipe her behind or change the bandages on her body when diabetes sores develop and she's too big or unable to reach to tend to herself, and at that point, she may be beyond surgical help. I hope she doesn't reach the verge of blindness or amputation before she gives it some consideration.