Should I leave?

I need help, and I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 1/2 years, living together the entire time. Things have never been awesome, but they were certainly bearable. For the last, I would say 1 1/2-2 years it's been horrible. It's as if we are just passerby's, like roomates really. He thinks of excuses not to be near me, we never talk, we have sex MAYBE once every 4-5 months, and thats only because I am like "Jesus, its been forever, we should probably do it". I am so unhappy, but leaving just barely seems like an option. I have a back injury and can't work a real job, I do freelance makeup, but don't make enough to support myself. I drive HIS car, live in HIS house, eat HIS food. I'm not saying im a gold digger or anything like that, but how could I leave when I am unable to be self sufficient? He has not told me ONCE in 41/2 years that I was beautiful, or that he even found me attractive in any way. Even now after losing 155 pounds, everywhere I go people tell me how beautiful I am, not him. I try to sit down and talk to him about it, he tells me nothing is wrong, hes happy, everythings fine. He works 12 hour days (by choice, hes only on the schedule for 8), comes home, and sits in the basement doing sodukos all night, its like he cant stand to be near me. What the hell should I do??

 You only live once, and seems to me that you understand that from reading your "story" on your profile. I know how hard it is to get disability benefits.  I assume you've been down that path already?  
You can't stay just because he supports you.  Your happiness is most important, and since you're saying that things have never "been awesome"... well, that makes me sad.  
This is YOUR time, and you deserve a supportive partner.  I know that makes it seem that I live in "lala land".

 My mom and dad aren't very happy together, and they've been married 40 years.  She tells me that she can't leave because where will she go, etc?  And I can kinda understand where she's coming from, as they're turning 60 this year.  But you.... you are soo young and just starting your life over.  

Would you have ANYWHERE to go if you left? I have faith that this will all work out and one day you'll look back and say "phew" glad I got myself out of that situation.  It'll be a lot of work to get on your own 2 feet, but look at the hard work you've had to stick to with your RNY.  

I left a horrible 5 year relationship and sometimes, as I sit with my wonderful husband, I wonder why in the hell I stayed with that $#ithead so long!?!? How could I not feel like I was worth it to leave and fight my way to independence??  When there's a will, there's a way. 

Oh my, this is long.  Sorry I rambled.  Just want you to be happy. 
 Love, Lauren

First of all you ARE ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! You went through a life altering surgery and are a better, healthier person for it. Life is short as the other girl said and you know that cause you had surgery to live a longer life. I know it's hard to walk away when you feel you can not make it on your own. I was in a marriage but I had to suck it up and move on because I didn't want to suffer the rest of my life and now I have a wonderful fiance and and moving on. I wish I could give you advice about moving out, do you have anyone you can move with to help you out for now? I wish you luck! I will pray it gets better and you find the answer you know is right in your heart!

Leah

 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know what it's like to feel lonely even when someone is sleeping right beside you. I was a counselor for nearly 10 years, so I have to ask, have you guys considered counseling? It sounds like he is depressed since he is working more than he has to and isolates himself when he is home. 

I'm sorry you are going through this Jessica.

I... really don't know what advice to give you unfortunately.  This is a VERY tough situation (I can see why you are asking for opinions). 

Is there anywhere you could go to get back on your feet?  Do you get disability for your back injury?  If you are interested in leaving and can get aid from the state you may be able to find a place to live, a car to drive, and food to eat.

If you want to stay with him, I suggest starting by sharing feelings in a positive way.  That is very hard as I'm sure you have a lot of pent up frustration, but be wary of "blaming" someone in a conversation.  That leads people to close off and not truly open up.  Maybe ask him sometime if you two could do Suduko together?  You must have had SOME fun times if you were together this long and moved in together.  Try to relight that spark.

I don't know what else to say... I'm sorry that you are facing a decision like this.  They are ones you never hope to make.

--Mike

awww honnie.  I am so sorry you are feeling this way and it makes me sad for you to be sad.  I know how hard you've worked, and how amazing you look- you should feel as amazing as you are!  I know what it's like to be in a relationship with nothing.  (Not now, but in the past).  If you ever need to get out and hang out with someone who cares- I'm here :)  I will do whatever you need to help.  As far as leaving or not, I don't know what to tell you honnie, I just want you to be happy!  *HUGS*  

 First off you are super HOOOOTTT!!  I'm not sure what his deal is but you need to DO YOU! Meaning....just because you can't finanically take care of yourself now... don't let that be your stop sign.  This is going to a ton of effort for which since you are post op... you know what effort is all of about!. Keep your "drive" in changing your lifestyle... obviously you got the weight part under control...now it's time to address what makes you happy too.  Not saying you should leave your guy....(if you truly love him and vice versa)... take the time he doesn't spend with you and continue figuring out where it is in life you want to be.  I for sure I'm no one to talk about relationships as I've been in one for 12 years that over the last 5 we have just grown apart.  We have a kid... so the bulk of it is to keep a family front strong but the love just isn't the same.  I accept it....it's currently a conveinent situation but one I'm not sure how much longer I can continue.

In any case....be strong Jessica... You truly are a ******g bomshell and I'd be delighted to slap your man and tell him to wake the **** up and open his eyes and tell you so every freakin day you wake up!

Hugs girly...
 

From the tone of your post I know you know exactly what you should do but you want some reassurance. You seem like such a strong willed, independent, beautiful woman and even though leaving seems impossible right now because of the car and house thing I know you can do it! I think you do to! My best friend had the same problem except she had a 4yr old also and she found a roommate and a $500 p.o.s. car and just left! Now, only 2 yrs later she owns her own home and is engaged to the perfect man for her! It is a big leap but you will feel so empowered and free once you do it! Get everything planned out and together before you leave. That may take a few months but it's worth it! Get your stuff together so when you leave you are all set! See if you can find a pt job & a roommate or room for rent. It will all work out! You have worked so hard to make yourself healthy and happy and gorgeous and you deserve a man that will treat you the way you should be treated and a man that appreciates you!!

-Good luck!!

-Ashlie

Should we go out drinking this week?  I think we should....:)