lookin for help, but its a long post

So it has been a few days since phyllis has been home, but I just wanted to take the oppertunity to say thank you to everyone for all of the prayers, well wishes, and words of support and encouragement. The best part about it all was that I was holding her blackberry when she was in surgery, so everytime an email came in from you all, I was able to read it and smile. I was able to smile knowing that you were thinking of  her at that very moment.

I was waiting for hours with Phyllis' sister (the surgery was delayed) I was sooo happy when the procedure was over. I was sweating it out. I must say that for the whole "hospital" expereince, the hardest part for me was actually after the surgery was over and I was able to see her for the first time. She was crying and had said that she was asking for me for what seemed like hours. She also told me how scary it was to go into the OR. I was a complete mess, crying and kissing her forehead and carressing her face. I was so relieved, but realized that as much as I was able to be there for her every step of the way, I still couldnt take away the fear or the pain.

Since we have been home, things have been going really really well for the most part. She is up and walking everyday for at least 30 mins. I am sure the chicken broth and onion soup(with onion strained out) has got to be tiring for her. Not to mention the protein shakes. I am really proud of her progress. I have to say that the hardest part about "home life after surgery" for me has to be not being able to take away her pain and stop her tears. Nights have been the roughest when she is laying down, mostly from the gas. Aside from that, I really can realize now how much of our lives revolved around food. We spent so much time grocery shopping and cooking together (one of our favorite things to do!) I have been eating my meals alone standing in the kitchen, because I dont want her to have to see or smell my food. She says she doesnt mind if I eat by her, but I just feel so guilty about it. Then today, we were walking around the mall and i was hungry. She suggested i get something from the food court, so I did. ( i havent eaten food 'out' in quite some time) She ended up sitting with me instead of contining to shop. I feel SOOOOO guilty that she sat there, and couldnt have anything. I scarfed down my food as fast as I could.

I know that in a couple of weeks, we will be able to cook together, and sit down at the dinner table and eat together, but until then, i guess i just feel lonely at meal times. I am trying to be as supportive as I can, and I am willing to take any suggestions on how to help. Thanks so much!!!!
WOW I JUST REALIZED HOW SOOOOO LONG THIS WAS!!!! sorry

Thanks,

Kerry

i'm curious - why do you think you are feeling so guilty?  it sounds  like she's been signaling you it's ok - do you think it's something within you, or is it something about her, that is signaling you to feel bad?

i'm interpreting what you said, that you are really missing that shared experience you used to have with sharing meals.  does the guilt tie in with that feeling somehow?

i just would say, it's ok for you to have a mixed range of emotions over what's happening.  there is no question in my mind that my spouse does.  sometimes i am just human and i get mad at him for being human too :P 

My husband had WLS 8 months ago.  My advice to you is to be considerate, but do NOT eat super fast, or go around feeling guilty all the time.  That will not help your wife.  Try to be strong for her sake.
It is a short amount of time that she can't eat real food.  That time will pass.  Right now she might be greiving and missing food.  So go ahead and eat in the other room if it seems like a good idea.   But she will pick up on your anxiety about eating if you are always feeling stressed and guilty.  That really isn't good for her.  My husband seemed to respond well to me being sympathetic whenever a pizza commercial came on, and supportive, and I had to keep assuring him that he'd made the right decision and he'd get through this and it would get better, etc.
Find ways to show your love and support.  Concentrate on what you can do to help her, not what is beyond your control.   Find new ways to enjoy your time together.  After 17 years of marriage I can tell you that life always brings new changes and they sometimes suck, but sometimes with a little creativity you find a lot of positives in new situations.
Pretty soon you will be cooking together again.  My husband has to take a few little meals to work with him, so he is always appreciative of things that I make that work well as leftovers.  It will be an adventure for you two to discover what things work well for her stomach and what things don't work.  There will be room for creativity!
Good luck!