Scared husband

Katie D.
on 5/28/09 5:03 am - Baltimore, MD
I have been with my husband since I was 16 & 150 lbs (29 now and 290 lbs) and we have 4 children together. Our relationship is wonderful, we are both very happy together. The only problem is that my husband thinks that when I loss all the weight I won't want him anymore. Even some of my co-workers that have had this surgery tell me that I will mostlikely will cheat on him at least once.
What should I do or say, my marriage crashing is the only thing I am worried about. Any suggestion on what to tell him?
ejjy
on 5/29/09 10:20 pm - Watertown, MA
i think your coworkers are full of shyte if you don't mind me saying so.  i'm sorry for them if that's how they behaved and they handle it by trying to pretend it's normal.  not saying the feeilngs might not be normal, i dont' know, i haven't been there yet.  but behavior is a choice, just like marriage is a choice.

i would ask your husband what would help him feel more secure.  i would not try to tell him he has nothing to worry about; if you try to talk him out of his feelings, you may make them more intense.  tell him you married him for a reason and that your commitment means something to you.  you might need to do something every day to re-cement your bonds, e.g. tell him something you love about him every day.  you don't have to tell him why.  the more i think about this the more it strikes me that what is needed here is a strengthening of emotional bonds in the moment.  i know as a mom with 4 kids maybe that's a lot to ask of you, but it doesn't have to be big things.  one of the things my DH loves is when i set up the coffee maker for him the night before.  i know it's one of the things that for whatever reasons makes him feel special and important and worthy.  now that i'm thinking about it, i think i better start doing it again! 


Deman
on 6/2/09 3:33 pm - Gainesville, FL
I agree with ejjy. The surgery doesn't make  U cheat.  If  U love your husband and your marriage is strong u can survive this. U gained the weight during the marriage and  so he knows that you love him thinner and fatter. Good luck.

  
 

 

 
 

 

mandajolyn
on 8/15/09 11:22 am - Tallahassee, FL
My husband has the same fear! That I will lose weight and not want to be with him anymore. I keep telling him that I married him for a reason and through thick and thin I will remain by his side! 

Don't listen to your co workers! Talk to your husband about his feelings and ask if there's anything that will ease his fears! If you have a strong love and marriage you'll be fine! It's going to ba a big change, but you are partners and will go through it together! 
"Be present for your journey, get to know who you really are and then be your authentic self with NO apologies"
You can follow my journey at mandaschange.blogspot.com
pregnancy calendar


lookingforpeace
on 11/19/09 12:33 pm - lancaster, TX

Comeing from a husband's point of view i can understand how he feel i have the same fear but my wife and i have talked about it and i know that things will work out just pray about it and let him know that you will always be there with him

tangos_hubby
on 1/21/10 1:45 pm - Canada
I agree your co-workers are full of it.   My wife had the gastric bypass and is doing awesome.  and I know she wont cheat.  Just because you loose weight wont make you cheat.  My first wife was over weight and a big time cheater would she cheat if she had the surgery?  you bet she would but just because somone says you will cheat at least once is crazy. 
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