Ex Spouse wanted the oposite

Just a curious question?

Has any one ever had a spouse/significant other/ partner try to get them to gain weight because that person was attracted to women that weighed 400lbs plus? 

Very interested in the answers

Yes. 

I am (sort of) one of "those spouses".   I say "sort of" because: 

- I did'nt want her to gain to 400 lbs - I thought she looked perfect at 275 lbs.

 - I nerver tried to get my wife to gain weight; I just did'nt want her to change her weight by 100 lbs (how many men who are very attracted to their wives want them to change their weight by 100 lbs?)  

SO....
 
If you are truly "very interested" in the answer(s), and in understanding this perspective, go to the forum at Dimensions magazine (link below).  I started a thread there asking large women and others who find them attractive why it should be so traumatic for me to have my wife to have WLS.   We have been very happily married for 18 years, and I thought if you loved someone, it should not matter (that much).

Anyway, that initial thread caused an outpouring of responses -- 

 - over 130 replies; 

 - some very long and detailed; 

 - some support, some jeers, some empathy/sympathy, much speculation

 - some responses from spouses who had been thru this; 

 - some from people who thought I was just being a selfish jerk; 

 - some who thought she was being vain and mean;

 - but mostly from people who were sympathetic to both of us and just wanted to help me understand what was going on in my head and help me get thru this experience.

So if you want to understand this issue, and know what goes thru the minds of those who are attracted to fat women, I'd recommend two links for you:

1.  as described above, the long, extensive discussion at Dimensions, with all those replies:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35 529

AND

2.  The Confessions of a True Fat Lover (A kind of FA Manifesto):
http://www.lardbiscuit.com/lard/truefa.html

The "Confessions" piece is very well written and insightful.  It is compassionate and may help you understand the frustration of being a person who loves the look & feel of fat in a culture where fat is abhored. 

I hope you are serious in your question and not just some kind of agitator.  This is a very sensitive and painful issue for many people, and I suspect that it is a big problem for many spuouses who don't even consciously realize that they are attracted to fat. 

I believe that there are many, many people in our society who are "in the closet", even to themselves, about their the role of fatness in their sexuality and the sensuality of a fat partner.  They are the ones who are gung-ho for their partner to get WLS, but then start freaking out when the weight comes off.  Don't be fooled into thinking this is just "jealousy" or "insecurity" - sometimes it is, but sometimes it is genuine confused feeling about what men think they are "supposed" to want and what they really want.

Thanks for responding to my post.  I am not an adjitator and did not post the question for any reason other than pure curioisty.  When I met my ex husband i weighed 150 lbs (aprox) and continued to gain weight through our marriage. I always have had a body image issue.  The main reasons for our divorcing did not have a lot to do with weight gain or loss.  He stands 6 feet 6 inches tall and weighes 450lbs. with multiple co morbidities.  I like being fit, attractive, and energetic.  Unfortunatley Since I have had health issues for almost 10 yrs related to weight I have become more aware of what is healthy and what isn't .   I know that my ex is attracked to xxx size women as I found a lot of web sites on our computer that had photos of women that weighed in excess of 400 lbs.  I do understand the concept of soft, cushie,and also realize how it can be sexy someone. 

I can't walk or stand very much, i can't ride on the back of my bf motor cycle ( i weigh the back down) even things like house work, driving, and social/professnional events are difficult for me.
I have developed co morbidities and also need a total knee replacement but dr won't so it because of my weight. I am tired of the emotional, physical and mental pain that my weight has put me through and have decided to take charge and to change things for my self.  

I do not condemn anyone for what they find attractive. Attraction is matter of perception and perception is as individual as a finger print. 

If you and your wife are happy with the way things are I think that is fantastic. 

I just know that my body can't handle the weight any more.

I do hope that all continues to go well for you and your wife and your happy.