Heartbroken and don't really understand

 Hi everyone.  I found this site recently.  It was recommended to me by a nurse who works for a gastric bypass surgeon.  I had called to ask if there were any kind of books or anything that I could read to understand what is going on with my now ex-fiance.  He and I had been together 4 years, engaged almost 2 of those 4 years.  All in all it has been a wonderful relationship.  We both alwas thought of each other as the others soul mate.  He is the only person I could ever say I had complete trust in.  That was such a great thing to be able to say about a person...finally!  Well our troubles began around mid-October.  He had GB in late July.  I was there with him every step of the way pre-op and post-op.  He started becoming somewhat distant in October and finally in a conversation he told me he "needed a break to clear his head".  A couple days later he told me that the bottom line is that he didn't feel like me or anyone else loved him because he was changing so much and so fast.  He was really having problems dealing with the rapid weight loss and the excess skin that he was beginning to notice.  I tried to reassure him that i found him just as attractive as I always have...nothing had changed.  I loved him and was attracted to him just like always.  He went to one support group and found it to be very positive.  The next two he attended he didn't find as positive.  He said all the people talked about was how their relationships had failed and that scared him and caused him to back away from me even more.  Eventually we had a big blow up and I told him how much he had hurt me and how he had listened to everyone else instead of me.  Instead of letting our relationship make or break on its own...he went by what people in the group said.  So his surgeon set him up to see a psychiatrist.  From what I understand he has seen him a few times now.  Around the week of Thanksgiving, he came back around and was really sorry for shutting me out like he did and he just couldn't say sorry enough to me for how he had treated me.  That whole week was fine.  We spent the Friday after Thanksgiving together.  Had a nice time.  It was great to be together.  I felt like we were on the road to patching everything up...it was like old times.  By the following Sunday...2 days later...he was acting distant again.  In a conversation that night he cried and told me that he would not put me thru what he did in October.  He said he would rather lie to me and tell me he doesn't want the relationship anymore and that way maybe I would just hate him and not be hurt.  Yeah, made no sense to me either.  Anyway, that was the end of November.  I haven't verbally spoken with him since then.  I have sent him texts and he has responded.  The only thing I seem to get from him is "it's not you...it's me", "it all has to do with how i feel on the inside"...that sorta stuff.  He tells me that until he can be happy with himself, he can't be happy with anyone else.  Okay, fast forward to tonight.  I had everything on my mind.  I sent him a few texts, waiting for a reply.  The only reply I got was "i'm shopping".  I tried calling him a few times and he won't answer the phone.  So I called his house and asked for him.  His son said he was out.  I asked when he expected him home, to which he said "he said he was going shopping with a friend and would be home tomorrow".  I know this is a long post and i'm sorry.  I just do not understand.  By all accounts it is obvious that he is seeing someone else.  Judging by the distance he has shown in the past couple months.  Plus there has never been any decent explanation as to why he broke it off with me after 4 years.  He was absolutely my best friend and I have never hurt this much.  I know I will be okay.  I have God and my daughter.  I don't need anything else to make my life complete.  However, it will take a while to get over this. He took every hope and dream I had of our future together and threw them away.  What happens to some people after this surgery???  Thank you all for reading.  I just had to vent.

Move on, until he is ready to deal with who he is becoming, he will be no good to you.

Good job, because until he can be true with himself, he can not be true to you.

 He has no idea who he is.  He's like a new adolescent, with a world of possibilities in front of him.

My suggestion is to send him a note, telling him that you want to set a date with him for next October.

Put it on your calendar, have him put it on his.  Give him a year to sow wild oats he never thought he'd get to.  Don't text, call, or meet up until then, go forth and have fun.

Next year, if you're both still unattached, he'll be a lot more ready for a relationship, and you won't ever have to worry that he "settled" for you.