question for spouses of wlp

My husband of fourteen years, after surgery ask for a divorce.  His entire personality has changed, he is irritated, and cranky, and not very nice to be around.  Did any of you experience problems like this????  He says it isnt the weight loss, but I supported his wl and lost 60 pounds myself, so it is like he is someone I don't even know anymore, the sad part is I still love him, and just wonder how common this is? 

This has been a fear of mine as well. Hormones are changing and life changes as well.I haven't experienced this divorce part yet I am fearful of it coming up.My wife's surgery is scheduled for 11/25

Just stay sweet, but attentive.  It is tough, but hopefully she does not change too much.  He was terribly moody, and mean.  I guess that transfer of addiction is what they say can happen.  I think his transfer was the attention from women who also had this surgery.  He feels they can relate, and I can't even though I lost weight right along with him without the help of the surgery.  I am very proud of him, let her know that, and give her lots of tlc.  Maybe she will be open and honest with you.  I didn't even know about this sight, all of these women friends or anything until it was too late.  I am a jealous person, and that did not help, but I was working on that.  When you see their cell phone bills and their talking to women in the middle of the night for hours at a time, and talking to them more than you, what are you suppose to think.  Think positive and again, love her like she deserves and it will be ok. 

Good luck, contact me if you have any problems, maybe I can shed some light. 

Its sounds like mid life crisis.  My husband just had VSG so I'm not sure how things will change for us.  But some of my friends have had issues with husbands changing, seeming unhappy, more demanding, etc. after 15 years.  If you read about mid life crisis for men, it is real and involves depression.  Many times they recover and become their old self, but often they have damaged a marriage too much (divorce, affair, remarriage) to get that back.
I hope that my marriage will be ok.  My husband just turned 40, so mid life crisis is something we might have to deal with.  I've been through post partum depression a few times and we've come through that ok.  It is hard being the depressed unhappy person and it is hard to be the spouse dealing with that.  You can't blame someone for being depressed and unhappy or looking for more in their life.  You just have to hope you can find positive ways to deal with life's challenges.
Good luck to each of you.

Thank-you for your reply.  Good luck to you, that is what my husband had as well.  Your comments were insightful and honest and gave me something to think about.  I know that I have done everything I possibly can to turn things around and make them work, but it takes two, and unfotunately he wants out right now.....life goes on!  Thanks again.

Well, I just re-read my post and I think I need to add that you CAN blame someone for the choices they are making.  Just because someone is unhappy and depressed doesn't mean they have to make the worst possible choices.   What he may not realize is that much of what he is doing will not help him in the long run.  There are better choices out there and I wish your husband would see that. 
I guess I wanted to just tell you that you aren't the only person in your situation, and this is not your fault.  And the fact that you still love him and the man he has been in the past is completely understandable. 
Definitely take care of yourself and make good choices to help you.  I wish you the best.

My husband, after having GB in April, was similar to yours, personality totally different, mean,  short with kids, always serious, never joking, and very withdrawn. He went to a psychiatrist a few times, and also saw gp for Lexapro. He is back to his old self personality wise, boy did I miss him. I do believe hormones, seratonin levels, etc.. play a huge role in this. He's now down 98 pounds and it's been 8 months. He's doing great, and we are going on a cruise in Feb to celebrate the new him and us. We take things day by day, wow what a rollercoaster!

I need to say that after my surgery I became a different person. Active, energetic, wanting to be on the go all the time. This was a HUGE change from my sedentary ways of the past. My wife who also had surgery stayed sedentary, never became active despite losing weight. I wish she had changed with me but she didn't. In fairness to her she was always that type of person whether thin or thick. I was only sedentary because of my weight. I decided that I needed to move on to be happy.

Thank-you for your reply.  I lost weight right along side my husband.  I went from a size 14, to a 2 with Weigh****chers, and the new life style changes.  I have always been a very active person, but even more so now, so that has not been our problem.  I think he just doesn't want to be married anymore, I have done everything I know to do, but let him go, so I guess it is time that I do that also.  I love him with all my heart and soul, and I just want back the heart of the man I fell in love with and married, but at this time, I don't think he can give it to me, and I deserve that, so what can I do.  I hope he finds the happiness he is missing with me.  Thanks again for your response, and best of luck to you, in your new life.  I hope you find what you are looking for also.

My wife had the surgery a couple of weeks ago and I have to say that I feel myself getting cranky and irritated at times too. I've noticed that I've been angry at her at times.

I've been wrestling with the feeling for awhile which actually started BEFORE the surgery. I think I've come to realize that she is changing and she will not be the same person I've know all these years and married. I know eveyone is going to say "She is be the same person", but really, are any of you the same person after the surgery? I'm sure life changed for you all. I think I'm feeling like she's leaving me behind. Of course I also have typical the fears that with the new body, comes the new attention from men and she will like that and decide she wants to be with a man who is more in tune with her new body and lifestyle.

So I think it's all about insecurity. Maybe if he feels the relationship will end, he wants it to end on his terms.