Husband won't eat, if I can't

HELP!!  I am on the 2-week pre-op liquid diet (RNY 10/31) and my husband isn't eating because he doesn't want to eat in front of me.  He is sometimes overweight, right now he is average weight and has been for 6+ months.  I think his weight has gone down because he is diabetic.  (I am so I know the signs.)  He thinks if he ignores it, he won't be diabetic.  He thought if he ignored his hypertension and chest pains, they would go away.  He had quadruple by-pass after a massive heart attack about 4 1/2 years ago. 

When I started this he was not thrilled with the whole idea (he is afraid I will die).  I have so many co-morbities that I will die much sooner if I don't get this weight off.  I have tried dieting and have been quite successful, until the diet was over and I started eating real food and gained it all back plus more.  I can't keep doing that to my body.  Besides, the older I get, the more difficult it is to lose the weight.

After talking (mostly me talking), he has agreed that this is my decision and he will "try" to support it.  Now, after 2 days of the pre-op diet, he isn't eating in the house and since it is Sunday, he didn't go out today at all.  He will eat fast food on the way home so I don't have to cook for him.  (His words.)  He can't afford to eat that junk.

I am at my wit's end.  I am hungry and cranky and tired and trying to get things done before my surgery and recovery period.  I feel like I need to take care of him, I feel guilty that he isn't eating, but don't want to mess up this process.  I want to follow the surgeon's protocol so that I can succeed at this whole thing. 

I did make a big pot of homemade chicken noodle soup for him tonight (so he didn't starve to death) and I can have the broth, but truthfully, I DON'T FEEL LIKE COOKING RIGHT NOW.  

He goes off into that nothing space in his head that men have and women don't understand.  That place where he can ignore me and I am so frustrated.  I want to be the wife God wants me to be but this is really hard right now.  My thought is, "it is only two weeks, suck it up."  (Both of us.)

Any help/advice/suggestions will be greatly appreciated.  Thanks everyone, I love OH and all of my fellow WLS "peeps."

Kathi

Hey Kathi,   I kinda had the same issue, my wife didnt want to eat in front of me either, so she did the preop diet with me.  Talk to him, get him to agree to have the same things as you, just more of them since 'he is a guy and needs more'.  The important thing is both of you are healthy going in to your surgery, you so you can recover faster and him so he can be there to help you. 

Hi, thanks for the suggestion.  If my pre-op diet were food, he might cooperate.  However, I am on a liquid diet and he won't even taste my protein shakes.  LOL

I think we are starting to get into a pattern now.  I cook, he eats.  (Just like before.)  His weight is normal so he really doesn't need to diet.  He should stop eating junk (he had quadruple by-pass surgery 4.5 years ago), but the stuff he eats, I don't even like anyway.

I have adjusted to the liquid diet.  I am not so hungry all the time.  When I do feel hungry it is usually because I forgot to drink my shake on time.  I have lost 11.5# in the past 6 days.  YAY!!

Thanks again for your response.  Great loss, I see there for you.  Congrats!!

God Bless,

Kathi

Kathi,

My wife had the surgery about 2 weeks ago now and I'm doing exactly the same thing your husband is doing.

I don't feel right eating a steak or ribs or hamburgers in front of her and I don't want her to feel she has to cook for me either. I've been trying to eat out after work before coming home.

Last night she got mad at me because she made a soup dinner for us and I went to a rib place to eat dinner before coming home. It was her first day at work after her surgery and I would have never thought she'd have the energy to make anything.

Now I have eaten in front her a few times but I always feel guilty. I try to eat it fast so as not to be in front of her too long with the food.

She says it's OK but I just don't feel right about it. I suppose it comes from all the years of "good manners" where you're told not to eat in front of others who are not eating.

Sorry I don't have any advice, I can only offer my similar situation.

My wife tried that for a while and then she started feeling bad, I had to insist she eat and even fix her a few things to make sure she did. I did a small steak on the grill for her like I used to do for both of us.

I am just getting to pureed foods so it was hard for me to do but I had to let her know I was ok with her eating.

My wife is thin so she can't go too long without eating.

Good Luck