marriage last?

My hubby is super fit and good looking, my weight has been an on and off issue. He loves me and occassionally gets a little jealous when someone flirts with me but mostly we have trust. I havent ever been at ideal weight as we have known each other (30lbs over in the begining).
My question is this, what problems has WLS brought to marriages and what should i be thinking of as i am waiting for my WLS?

hi,
just browsing around and found your question, and its the same one i had.  i am close to being one year out and Ive lost over 200 lbs.  my wife, unfortunately, is having issues with this.  she was always used to being the thinner one, and so now that I'm the thin one and she weighs more than me, she is having a REALLY HARD TIME.  she says that she doesn't feel like she is good enough, even though i try like hell to tell her otherwise.  the big d word has been discussed, and i feel guilty bout my wls... and the fact that i would do it again even though i know it would affect her.  i guess what i am saying is to think about how your new self will affect your relationship, because that is the only thing that i did not take into account when i thought this thing through....hopefully, all will go well and we will stay together.next up, counseling..

thanks for listening,
Pete...

It's great you are considering this aspect prior to surgery- I learned the hard way AFTER my husband's surgery when everything started to change. We did go to two counseling appointments together. He also went solo to a few. Pete, I hope counseling helps!! One thing Drew and I do is attend the weight loss support meetings together each month, whenever we are able. Issues are raised there that are spring boards for us at home. I am very proud of him. Sometimes I do get tired of all the comments (he is too!) and for Pete, all your new attention may be confusing or uncomfortable for your wife, especially if she is overweight. I am not overweight and I occassionally get jealous of all his attention!! But in the same turn, I am amazed at this journey and how hard he's working. Thank you RNY!!

I just had NO IDEA about the emotional aspect of this surgery!!! I was all geared up to count protein grams and fluid intake, but WHOA, other dimensions just as vital, like communication and support, need work as well. TALK TALK TALK to each other about these changing feelings and how to handle them.

We are going on a cruise in February to celebrate this past year and the new Drew- it has been 6 months now- and to spend some time together alone without kids (imagine that!!) If anything, WLS has brought us closer together, we rely on each other, and are more open with each other. But it's work!
TAKE CARE!! Amy

I was married when I had RNY in Jan 06. I thought my marriage was strong and I thought I would be married to my husband forever. We had been together since we were kids...about 12 years at that point, and had been married for four years. But after I lost about 100 pounds (I eventually lost 165 and hit goal) I started to realize that I was changing...or becoming the person I really was inside rather. All the sudden I was looking at the world through confident eyes, people actually noticed me (men included) and I realized that the only reason I had married my husband was because I was afraid to be alone. We went to counseling and things just didnt fix themselves. It was a very hard choice but I left him about a year and a half after my surgery. We are still friendly and he has moved on and has a girlfriend now. I actually ended up meeting a wonderful guy, getting married....we have a one year old son and are 3 1/2 months pregnant with our second child :)  Sometimes divorce is a good thing even though its a hard thing.

Having said that...I think when a marriage starts out strong it stays strong. Mine was not strong, we should have never gotten married, so it didnt last once I realized I didnt have to settle. Just be sure you give your husband lots of love and support...I think it is important to understand that spouses go through major change and emotions just like the patients do. Best of luck.

Be CAREFUL!!!!!!!!!!!  My husband had wls, at the end of March and ask for a divorce in May.  We have an eleven year old son together, and I thought he was my soul mate, after fourteen years.  I loved him no matter what, and was in it for the long run, our marriage was not perfect, but after the surgery he changed.  He became cranky and angry, and someone who was hurtful and said mean things.  I think he is messed up emotionally, but the only thing I can do is say good bye after trying absolutely everything humanly possible to show him how much I love and support him.  He got on OH and didn't tell me, and started communicating with women who had the surgery all times of the day and night and although I don't think he had an affair, I think he has emotionally.  Be careful and enjoy one another, love each other like your dying and embrace life together, you never know when it mind be shattered.  If he begins shutting you out, get help from a counselor or his doctor, before it is too late.

This message board topic is my biggest fear.

It's only been 2 weeks since my wife's surgery but it's something that is always on my mind. Will she decide she wants a different life?

I too ended up in divorce after WLS. It is a common phenomenon I am afraid. If I had it to do over though I would not change a thing. My life and who I became is FAR better now than it was. I only wish she had changed with me. (We both had surgery) I was as supportive as I could be but the day I weighed less than her it really was doomed. She went into a depression from which she never really escaped. I had to move on.

Of course there s way more to it than that but basically considering how WLS will affect a marriage is critically important. Your OWN weight, health and happiness is MORE important though in my opinion.