Spouse isues

I really just needed somewhere to vent about this so please bare with me. My husband and I have been married almost 5 years- we are both in our 20's. The past few years he has had major issues with my weight. He got a promotion in Jan and started hangin with new friends. Well, all those guys only like hot, skinny girls. So he has pretty much hid me away from them. He told me in June that he wanted a divorce because he was tired of "waiting" for me to lose the weight. I was already in the process of testing for WLS. Well, I should have a date in Sept and now he tells me he "thinks" mabye we could try to make it work, but hes making no promises and he will stay with me until I recover from the surgery. I am so torn here, I hate him right now, but I still love him. Should I even give him a chance after I have the surgery, do you think he deserves a chance? Help!!

You both need counseling. Surgery magnifies lots of problems in relationships, so it isn't going to get any easier.

I agree that it would help to have counseling.  

I would also say that you should take a look at how he is treating you NOW.    His actions speak volumes.   Having surgery will exacerbate your reaction to what he's doing and saying as you recover.        What do YOU want?    Listen with both your ears and your brain!

I think that you should only do the surgery if it's for you... not just to keep him. Life changes in so many ways after surgery.... and if you have issues now they will only get worse.  Not to be rude,but what happens once you loose the weight, and then all of a sudden you have the hanging skin.  Not exactly all hideable by cloths.  Also when you have your restrictions on what you eat... and you go out... Hun you are beautiful.... Do this ONLY if you want it.... trust me when I say there are others out there that will accept you for you.... not conditional.  Good luck

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Um...no.   Either he loves YOU or he doesn't.    Why are you letting HIM call all the shots?  "gee, honey I MIGHT stay with you when you loose some weight but I'll have to wait and see..." 

Seriously? 

Anyway, After you loose the weight you won't want him; you will realize you settled for what you thought you deserved instead of the decent man you really do deserve!  If you want to keep him hanging around to help out with stuff until you feel better then go ahead! LOL!  Tell him you MIGHT keep him around longer, but doubtful...

I think you need to have the surgery for YOU!!! Maybe when you get a little of your self confidence back, things will look much different.

If it was me in your situation (and please keep in mind I am a smartass) I would tell him "fine, stick around, feel the waters after surgery, see if you like the "new me". Just keep in mind, that PLENTY of other people will like the "new me" too-  I'l be pulling for you....but no promises."

You are not an accessory or a secret. Please remember that-

don't even know you but (((BIG HUG))))

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have not had this issue with my husband, I told him the other night I was thinking of not having my surgery because I was so afraid, and he said I still love you no matter what you weigh, I am 320 lbs and he is 180.  THat said, if your husband doesnt love you enough to love you through this, and is now willing to give it a second chance because he sees the end result of the WLS, where was he before.  Does he know that you most likely wont have the perfect model body after the surgery?  Most of us have some sort of skin issues, tummy problems etc. Is he going to stick around for that or will that be his next excuse.  Is he supporting you because he loves you or because he thinks he'll have a trophy after wards?  Maybe have him go to some of your doctor appointments and some support groups with you so he can see what your up against,  You need him now more than ever, and not just because your going to be thin but because hes your husband and you need support. I am sorry if this all sounds crude as this is not my intention at all, I am just pointing out the reality of it.  I hope that you have more of a support system in place than just him.  I wish you the best of luck.

sorry to say this but

what a dick!

a serious dick!

my EX husband was the same way...i told him "you married me fat you idiot...i didn't wake up one day and have a big ass"  WELL

he cheated on me with this hairy-lipped trailer park biooooooootch and guess who the fat girl now is?

LOL

HER!

ohhhhhhhhhhhh i love karma girl....you know what? don't settle... you are too young....like i told my ex "penis is a dime a dozen and i have a pocket full of change buttwipe" *grin*

but no i'm not bitter LOL

*hugs*

brandi

How long did it take you to "get over" your ex=husband. Any tips on how to move on?

i don't think you ever get over when someone you trusted and loved betrays you. they say rule of thumb two years before getting involved. i waited hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm three i think. (but i did keep a harem of men LOL)

i think it's hard to not let your past dictate how you react to people...

*hugs* i am sorry you have to go through this..if i could spare you the pain i would! if you need anything feel free to message me!

brandi