New here, WLS for husband

Hello! Wow! I'm new to this site, and I've got to say that finding this particular board might not have been the greatest idea for me. LOL. No, really, I am happy to have found you all here. I am 32 years old. My husband is 33 years old. I am approx. 335 pounds. My husband is over 400 pounds (not sure exact amount). I do not currently have any insurance. My husband however has both Medicare and Medicaid (disabled from cancer). We have been married going on 9 years this coming November. We have a very tight relationship. I've had friends that have stated before that they think our relationship is "unhealthy" because of how much we are attached to each other. Our love and attachment to each other is 100% mutual though. It's not one of the typical cases where 1 person is very attached, very clingy etc, and the other person is not and is going nuts cause he/she can't get any space. In the almost nine years that we've been married, we've had a total of four fights. The last one being... hmm... almost 6 years ago. We are just very loving, very close, and extremely compatible. My husband is looking into WLS. I've posted a blog entry to give more details on this, but basically he's already talked to his physician about it. She is also supportive but had not wanted to consider the possibility until his high blood pressure problems were under control. I am 100% supportive of this. I very much worry that if something isn't done soon, he may not live to be 40+. We've talked about this before in the past, my insecurities and fears of rapid weight loss with surgery for him. Since I cannot have a WLS also, and will have to continue my battle with weightloss, I can't help worrying. I strongly feel that heavy counseling for both of us is going to be needed before and after surgery for him. My insecurities is something I do not think either of us can handle on our own. I worry about things like, will he stop finding me attractive? Will he resent me for not being able to join in on activities that he'll be able to do after weightloss that I simply will not be able to do? Will I resent him for the same reason? Will he suddenly find himself as attractive as I've always known he is, and have it go to his head? Obviously, from the posts I've been reading, these types of worries are very common and do sadly often come true. We've got an amazing marriage, an amazing love for each other. We work so well together. Deep in my heart and soul, I know that this is not going to make a real difference in our emotional relationship. The insecurities and worries are still there though. I can lose weight with a healthy change in my diet. Sticking to it though has always been my problem. My hopes are that once he goes through the WLS, I will be forced to stick to my healthy changes and will lose weight with him. This is turning into a long rambling. Sorry. There is more on my blog that is less cluttered in thought that this post haha. Anyway, nice to meet everyone. I'm thankful to have found some message boards to hopefully find some new friendships and support. Melanie

Hiya, Melanie! I'm 100% positive that you are not the only spouse of a pre-op WLS patient to have these concerns. And I do think your concerns are valid. Whether or not they'll come true is a different story. First you need to talk to your husband about your worries. Yup, I know.....most of them always say that things won't change, etc. and then they do. Another concern, huh? I think you've hit the nail on the head in sharing in his weight loss journey...in other words, making it "your's" as well. He will probably be asked by his surgeon to go on a pre-op diet so when that happens, go on it with him. It's being supportive of him but also doing something nice for YOURSELF! You deserve to do nice things for yourself, too! Make sure you're going into your new lifestyle change with the right motives. Make sure you are doing this for yourself first. Of course, there's always the perks of being able to enjoy activities together that neither you nor your husband have been able to enjoy for awhile. Don't let yourself get down-hearted if you don't lose as fast as your husband. You are losing weight without having your insides rearranged so it's going to be slower for you. WLS isn't the gold ticket, the "be all and end all", nor the permanent cure for obesity. It is very possible to outeat WLS....look at the number of posts on the other forums lamenting about weight regain. Many post-ops find that after a few years, they have to "diet" again. Also, look at the number of posts regarding nutritional deficiencies and other health issues as a result of WLS. So please don't feel like you're getting the "short end of the stick" by not being able to have WLS. I think if you were to ask most of the posters on OH, they turned to WLS as a last resort. For them, the pros outweighed the cons. My very best wishes to you! Please keep us posted!