How can I help him?

Hi all. My husband was approved! Now, the hard part! I want to know how I can help him post op. Let me say we have two small children. I want to know all aspects, but I suppose I am looking for more what to cook, what I should eat. Should I expect to inculde him/exclude him in meals? I know it is way more complicated than that, but this is just a starting point of my questions. Is there a "normal" way to feel after? I think I will be a little jelous, as I would like to lose some weight too, but am a few BMI short of surgery. I also feel like I am winning along with him, he will have energy and excitement for life back (I hope). I have read that lots of marrages have problems after this, we have been through major loss (not of the weight kind) together, and our marriage, I would say, got stronger, so, I am not too concerned about that. I realize this is a bit of a ramble, but I am not sure where to start. I would love to find a support for spouses that meets in person, are there groups out there like that? Thanks for reading my ramble, Whitney

Hi Whitney, My dh just had RNY on Monday. I have to say, I've been a little jealous. I'm working hard on losing weight, but I know he'll lose the weight much faster than me now. I'm also feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Not only am I taking care of him, which right now is mostly mixing his protein shakes and making sure he doesn't overdo anything, but I also have two kids, a house, a job, and a small menagerie to care for. Not to mention myself. Oh, and two more Girl Scout meetings to plan. Unfortunately, I fall at the bottom of the list. I'd also love to find a support group in person. He has his support group, and I'm happy for him. He says spouses are welcome, but it just doesn't feel right. I need somewhere of my own to vent. Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying maybe we can support each other through this. Obviously, they have it harder than we do, but it's not easy on the spouse and family, either. Chris

Hi Whitney, Congrats on getting your husband approved! That is a big step! We also have two small children, and they have been excited about Daddy getting "healthy". My hubby had RNY on April 2, so this is new to me as well. I wish someone had told me how much it alters our daily routine. We have a new "normal" these days. He's almost two months out, and it's been a truly transforming time. I am excited to see his weight literally melt away, but it does have a price. Planning is essential for your meals, medicines, etc.. it kind of rules our lives. It's still pretty clinical for us- journaling his food intake and how he's feeling each day, reminding him about his meds, etc.... But it's getting a little easier. He doesn't want to eat much, my food bill has been replaced with expenses for protein supplements, whey "bullets" and vitamins. I did compile a list of bariatric friendly receipes but he's just not very hungry right now. Don't underestimate your husband's grieving process now that his best friend is gone. It's not a quick fix, but adjusting the family to a new way of life. I wish you all the best with this- for us it has beennecessary for two very dedicated people as a couple taking it one day/week at a time. Take care, Amy