Spouse of a new post WLS patient...

My wife recently had the bypass done. She was all for it before, but failed an initial psych eval. Her mother gave her the brilliant advice to just tell the evaluator what they want to hear so they would pass her. She did. Then on the morning of the surgery she tried to back out, and her mother and I reminded her if she did, she would not be offerred this opportunity again (insurance covering all but $500). She stayed, had the procedure, and was doing well. When she came home she refused to follow any diet instructions. She didn't like the shakes, so didn't drink them. She wanted real food, so she ate it till she was in pain and threw up. She is now almost 3 weeks post op, and all she can talk about is getting it reversed because it was the worst thing she had ever done. She has dropped 15-20 pounds, and looks great. She is not excercising (yet), and still wants the more advanced diet. I have to cook for myself and my son, and she insists on sharing. She wakes up to get our son to school, and then sleeps till 2 or 3 PM. She is up till 4 or 5AM. She had originlly looked at this surgery as a cure all, but now she looks at it as a curse and asks "Why didn't you let me leave the hospital?" Is this common, or at least happenned more than just to me? I am equating it with post-pardum like behavior. Also, the hospital she had it done at is 45-60 mins away, so she was told to look into support groups at closer hospitals. All the closer ones won't take you unless you had the procedure there, so now she say screw it to help. I am just about at wits end...

Tell her to hang in there! The first 3 months suck! But the rewards are worth it and it DOES get better! I promise!

Thanks for the support.... Now she has me researching bypass REVERSAL procedures and doctors. She is not monitoring her protein intake by grams or anything. Then she wonders why she gets naseous and can't keep dinner down..... This is why they say the surgey only helps the physical, not the mental!

i don't understand why she even had this procedure if she is not going to do what she needs to be doing. from what i understand, MOST surgeons will only reverse under extreme measures. i think things will get better, but she needs to try and pull herself up by the bootstraps and look at the big picture. YOU DID THIS TO BE HEALTHY! she may need some anti-depressants. my doctor said that is common after WLS. on the diet part...the milkshakes suck. i hate them too. i use this protein bullet called new-whey. it's about 42 grams of protein. they are about 3 ounces of fluid: grape, rasberry, tropical punch, orange. i put mine in a glass of water...tastes like kool aid. good luck my friend....

Thanks for the "magic bullet" suggestion. We are lucky, the Bariatric Eating store is local to us and we can go there. She brought me last time and the women who work there gave her a good what-for. She is trying a little bit more now, but joined a support group, and they all said they don't get the reccommended protein either, so now she has back-up to feel better about not getting the nutrition. Funny part of all this is that she has lost about 20lbs, and I have lost about 12 not having the surgery! However, now everything I do eat is being scrutinized- "Do you really need the rool with that hotdog?" "Do you need to have such a large steak?" "You can leave over a portion- it won't kill you." "Don't you want to look better too?"

Hi! I'm new to this board. I'm not a spouse but a post op. What she is going through is not at all uncommon. She, like me, is an addict. And her drug has been taken away and she's mad, scared, sad. And you are the perfect person to blame. I hated the shakes too. Most are gross. But I did find a product at our local health shop. Its a 'punch' flavored liquid protein. 3 tablespoons has 45 grams of protien. I used to add it to a big glass of ice water with a pack of splenda. Now that I could do. She definitely needs a support group. I'm four years out, and my brain still hasn't caught up with my surgery. I don't know what area you live in. But go on your state's board and see if there are some local groups not affiliated with a hospital. Most of all, tell her you love her no matter what. Tell her her reaction is totally normal. Tell her if she hangs in there, it gets better and will change her life. Hope some of this advice helps. Wishing you both well, Rachel

No doubt you ARE about at wits end. I urge you to continue your support but I would urge you to also seek professional help with a counselor for your wife's addiction and behavior change needs. I found the pre-op psych to be extremely critical in the education and behavior change aspects of success. Best of everything to you, your son and your wife.

my wife is thinking about the bypass and thats one of my fears that she will have it and after it's done then regret it.are be sick all the time.