New Here-- Saying hi.. looking to get (and give) support!

I am new here, so hi everyone that I haven't met! I'm a 40 yr old husband with a wonderful wife that has gone through WLS. Its been about a year now. She is doing great and looking better than ever, which like I see in many of the posts, has caused things to change drastically for us lately. If I can put my own 2 cents in here about everything thats going on with myself. I guess this is for both the husbands of WLS wives and the wives themselves. My wife is gaining new confidence in her new image and deep in my heart I know this is a very good thing for her and actually in the long run, for us too.. I know also that potentially we can have a super strong marriage after we get through the bumps and rocky ground ahead but I won't lie to you all, I'm having a difficult time right now with it. TBH I think its completely natural for her confidence to scare me. We have a family of three boys (I also have a daughter but she lives away from us) and I worry at times what if I lose her because of this. I'll be even more honest. I've not been the greatest of husbands during our nine years together, and although she reassures me that she's not looking around or thinking of leaving, right now with all of these changes I worry a lot. The Lord knows I've given her many reasons in the past.. though I try to be supportive now as I can be. Anyway.. My wife has talked about going out with friends; a group of girls for one of her old friend's birthday and that really sent me reeling. I am trying very hard not to be worried or jealous or think that somethings going to happen (after all she is very pretty and just a great lady too) but its tough. We had a long talk about it too and she almost canceled on her friend but I think I convinced her not to. All I want is for her to understand, and take that into account when she does go out (hopefully not weekly though yet.. lol) Honestly, i don't want to be one of the husbands that controls her every move because he's afraid to lose her. Sooo.. first of all I just want to say is for those that are the WLS patients, please try to understand your spouses' changes too and take it slow.. together. Spouses.. I think we have to be very conscious of how we are feeling. Most of the bad feelings are just out of fear. We've grown complacent in the fact that we thought our spouse was safe in our arms -- due to their obesity.. now we are thrown into a situation where that may not be the case anymore! Or so it is in our minds. Anyway.. Everyone I think marriage is a most sacred thing and we should do everything to first keep things together.. Its painful, but not just for the spouse, or the WLS dealing with jealousy and fear.. but both sides. Talk it out, everyday if you have to. of course that's something I have to take to heart also :) If you all have any suggestions for me/us on how to handle dealing with these issues.. I'd love to hear them. Sorry I dragged this out so long. I'm glad my wife showed me this place though. Hopefully this post hasn't already worn out my welcome :(

My husband is having surgery on the 10th and I already have that fear of what is going to change. We have such a wonderful relationship now that he is heavy but what will happen when he starts feeling and looking better. Will he want to be with me or will find friends that he can go out with on his own. So I guess I can understand how you feel. Someone asked me what if he left me after he loses the weight. I said at least I would have the peace of mind that he is alive because of me.

Thanks for the reply. I had no idea Id have the fears that I do cropping up, and mind you much of it comes from the fact that I have had dormant insecurities anyway and with these changes happening so fast, it just has made them all come up quickly. But I'll tell you what, if your marriage was good then I think it will make your marriage stronger. I can't say for sure what is going to happen in the near future but I know that potentially this can help us have a stronger marriage. How much better can it be if I am "awakened" from my hibernation from being a true husband and made to pursue her once again? I suggest that if you can, you do the same and pray and then shower him letting him know all that you just said here about what you're feeling. Its hard, but she's worth it, and it sounds like he is too for you! You can make it!