what the heck happend to my life?

ahh, isn't life grand. Wonderful "heavy" husband, was thin when I met him, gained and lost 3 separate times in 17 years, yo-yo dieter. great looking guy even when he's heavy. wanted to get the surgery to make his family better all around, i.e., be able to do sports with his son, not feel uncomfortable when we went on vacations. Then the miracle surgery takes place, the one that all the doctors do is taut how good you will look on the outside, no more sore joints. AHHH, BUT how those wonderful doctors overlook to tell you that the rate of another addiction is skyrocketing with this surgery - transfer addiction - not to mention that you spouse will tell you "Gee, I don't know who I am anymore, I need to find myself. I need to act like I am 20 and go to bars and drink and take sleeping pills because I am so miserable, and I have left my family to find myself, and I will start going to get manicures and pedicures and spend 2-plus hours at the gym everday, and my son cries and says he wants his family back together, and I am doing everything is my power to keep my sanity for my son and work full time, and not stick a pitchfork in "Mr. Wonderful's back. " I told my husband this -- and I think this sums it up for most people that have had this, how theif families feel -- I told him that my husband died on January 6, 2006, the wonderful, fun, sense of humor family man is a distant happy memory. I would not like and do not like him now as a human being. He is someone that if I met him now I would not even like him. It is so DEVESTATING what this surgery does to families. Anyone else feeling the same way?

Kim, I feel bad for what is happening to you. My husband had the surgery Feb. 14 this year and has since lost about 60 pounds. I made a committment to lose weight myself, along with him. I have lost about 10 pounds myself. Today he started telling me that I am out of control, I should have lost more weight by now and how I should eat potato chips (fat free). Not that I should eat potato chips, but HOW to eat them - in little tiny bites so they last longer.He is attempting to micromanage everything I eat and be the "food police." I can't stand it. This after almost 10 years of watching him almost kill himself with food. He says he is doing it because he cares about me - yeah right. It seems most people who have this surgery are women, I have yet to talk to a woman who's husband had the surgery. Please email me if you would like to keep in touch. [email protected] -Cyndie

my husband had the surgery jan 5, 2006. best thing that has happened in our lives. he is healthy, he is thin, he is staying in shape, and we are just as happy and in love as the day prior to his surgery. we both researched this and were both extermely aware of all the other "things" that could go wrong in our relationship, especially since this past feb we only celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. we made a committment to each other to lean on each other through the think and thin of this proceedure. he's weight was much worse than mine, so he was able to have the surgery, i am not even int he ball park but also made the committment to loose weight with him. much harder for me to keep it off though. support groups as well as therapy are a huge part of the success of all this. i admit i am fortunate, as he lost weight he did not get the urge to sew his wild oats, no bars, no gyms, nothing like that. i'm sorry you are both experiencing such negative impacts to your marriages have you guys suggested couples or family therapy to your hubbies? being able to talk to each other and process your feelings together is the most important part of the success of the weight loss and the marriage. my hubby is a marriage and family therapist so this is also a part of what has helped our marriage remain so strong. i also went into private therapy myself to deal with all of this and understand it. hubby is now pursuing graduate work to specialize in exactly what you guys are describing because unless a therapist has actually gone through WLS my hubby feels they are not prepared to understand nor help when things start to go south. good luck in your marriages - stay strong for you son - with his dad off doing his own thing - you are your sons rock right now. yes, i know it is not fair and i know how it feels as my first marriage fell apart due to spousal abuse and i was the one that had to hold the kids together. hang in there if you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me

my husband is pre-op and this is my fear. we have discussed it and he says he did all that nonsense before he met me. i think knowing and discussing it b4 the surgery is all i can do to be prepared. i married him when he was obese, never having met the "thin athletic" version that i see in pictures from b4 me. who knows? we have been together 8 rough yrs and i feel it will be what it will be... if he leaves/ changes it will suck, but i will live. i feel bad for your son. my kids would be devastated, as they are closer to him than their bio father. it must be so rough. i am sorry.