Anyone else here a spouse that HATES WLS?

Been searching all over the net for somewhere to vent, maybe see if someone else is experiencing the same thing, this is as close as I have come. My wife is 6 months out from WLS (Gastric Bypass, maybe RNY, not sure, I know they gutted her like a fish). I was COMPLETELY against it from the beginning, to the point that we went to a marriage counselor. I wanted to be SURE that she was doing this for herself, and not for ME, cause I love HER, not her bodystyle. And to be honest, I kinda LIKE a little weight on a woman, makes her real, and fun. Skinny women have never attracted me. So we sat there ans she PROMISED it was for HER, and if I LOVED her I would SUPPORT her, so I DID. And she promised to follow all of the rules, do as the doc told her, etc etc. Well, she has lost over 100 pounds, resembles a cast member from Dawn of the Dead, has a HUGE ulcer, is run down and tired most of the time, has NO interest in sex (but has PROMISED me it will get better when she looks like she WANTS to look, which, if it is much less weight than she has now, will resemble a sheet of cellophane), doesn't COOK anymore(used to be a WHIZ in the kitchen, this years Thanksgiving came primarily out of a CAN), is sick a LOT, is INCAPABLE of being warm, regardless of the household temperature. On top of that, refuses to eat the way she is supposed to, now suffers from depression, which she is now being medicated for, and all I get to do is sit back and watch. If I say anything, I am PICKING on her, and not supporting her CHOICE. Anyone else truly regret not putting their foot down and saying NO to the WLS?

Bob- While I didn't totally support my wife in the beginning, I do now. And, yes, there has (and continues to be) bumps in the road. Sounds like the first thing the two of you need to do is get her medical problems resolved. I know from experience this may mean the home-life (esp. the bedroom) is different for quite a while, but, when she feels good, it is well worth it. Additionally, get her to a support group. We attend a monthly support group together (NOTE: TOGETHER) and it has helped me as much as her through the tough times. Finally, if you really love her, you'll find a way to help her. A Loving Husband

I don't hate WLS. I hate what it has done to my life. My POS had the procedure so fast that it made my head spin. Now, this whole new way of life is thrust on me before I had a chance to even understand it. I'm glad my POS had the surgery. It's what she needed for her health and quality of life. I just want my old wife back.

Oh I can totally relate. I too was very much against the surgery, but my spouse wanted to haved Lap Banding and that seemed so less severe. She's in sales and could sell ice in the winter and I'm a pushover so..... She had the surgery in 5/05 and has lost 118 pounds, but now she has this constant night cough (for the past 4 months), to the point where we cannot sleep together and and travelling together has become difficult due to the coughing. She's going thru all the steps now to figure out what's causing the cough, including opening up the band as that could be the cause. I'm trying to be supportive but I'm really having a hard time seeing what all this has done for her other than her dress size. She too looks like hell, though she thinks she looks great just because she's thin. She still loves to cook, but I miss eating with her, she NEVER enjoys her food anymore. Eating out is a waste of money and time. She also has been more depressed at times than I've ever seen her be. I can't say I regret not putting my foot down as that wouldn't have stopped her, but I do miss the heavier spouse that enjoyed a good meal and seemed on the whole happier, whether she admits it or not. I'm just praying at this point that the cough is just due to the band being too tight and that once that is taken care of, she just can live with eating a little better, even if it means putting a couple of pounds back on. She seems so frightened of gaining weight. I feel for her, but I feel for me too.

I can totally relate to what you are saying, but it was my husband that had it done 10-21-08. I don't think that these surgeons and dieticians consider for one moment how hard it is on the spouse of someone having this surgery. There is no meetings for us and I am with you I was totally against it from the beginning. I said if you can't control your eating before surgery you are still going to have problems after surgery. It is more of a mindset thing then a size of your stomach thing, but these dr's in my opinion prey on these poor people who have low self esteem, they use scare tactics like you'll will die in the next 10 year if you don't have it and I never once seen any encouragement from my husbands dietician or surgeon when he lost over 50 lbs on his own during a pre op diet, why not say you are doing great let's continue this diet for 6 months and see where you are at then, why because there is no money in it for these so called professionals if these people lose weight on their own. Since surgery my husband has had internal bleeding needed follow up surgery the next day, they sent him home the same day they had given him 3 units of blood and his vitals and blood were unstable, and when we call with any questions or concerns no matter what they are they say oh that' s normal. Well if it's so normal why weren't we informed of this prior to surgery. He is not able to take in his protein is still on pain med's is having severe cramping, blood in his urine and is having dry heaves, but the funny thing about the dry heaves is that it isn't after eating or drinking, in fact it is usually several hours after eating or drinking something. Is that still considered dumping or is the dumping supposed to happen right after they eat or drink? again I haven't been given any info on this and when I asked the surgeon again his response was it's normal and will probably continue for atleast another 4 weeks. hmmmm wonder why none of this was mentioned before?? Any help with my questions would be appreciated

My Significant other had the RNY Bypass last monday.  He made the decision at the very last minute without me.  I thought that after months of conversations we werer set for him to have a lap band operation.  He was actually schedueled for the lap band that morning.  He  ask me to let his dad go up to the pre-op area with him and once there he and his surgeon decided, without telling me, that he would get a full Gastric Bypass that day!!!

I was so shocked when his dad told me what had happened that I left the hospital.  I was in total shock.  I can't beleive that the surgeoon allowed this or that my boyfriend hada clue what he was getting into.  He had wanted to do GB all along and was not willing to look at any of the research that I was doing on both surgeries.  I  feel like he wanted to tell me loud and clear that all my concerns were irrelevant and that he would do just as he wanted.

I am angry hurt and stunned that he would do such a crazy thing inspite of all we'd shared for over 11 years.