Are these changes common?
My wife has had the surgery two years ago and has lost more than 200 pounds all-in-all. She weighs 150, now. We've had (what I thought) was a great 15 year marriage. As it turns out, she was holding grudges for me being able to go out and do things she couldn't do.
In the beginning of this year, when she really started getting in shape, she did the meanest things to me I have ever heard of. She told me she was going to "date" other men because she needed the attention, and if I had a problem with it, she was going to leave me. She "set me up" with one of her friends to appease her own conscience.
She's fallen in love 3 or 4 times over the course of the year. For her last "boyfriend" when he broke up with her, she even left christianity and tried to cast a spell of love on him. During the course of this time, she did some really nasty things to me that I'll spare you from. Basically, she used my credit cards to buy food for her boyfriends, computer, etc..
In June she got a tummy tuck and a boob job.
She moved out in September. Until now, I have fully supported her. She got her first job in September. Now, she wants to move back in. She has been crying and says she wants to come back. I tell her I dont think so. I'm willing to see a therapist with her. But, I dont know how i could ever feel like a man, trust her, feel attractive / appealing to her, etc..
I took her to a football game with me two Sundays ago, and she gave a guy her phone number - right in front of me... Not exactly reconciliation behavior.
We had a text message conversation last monday. SHe told me that she knows I love her and want to work things out. I texted back that I actually feel bad about myself when I'm near her. Monday, she threatened to commit suicide. I left work early to find her writing "goodbye" notes to my three children.
Obviously, I have quite a few issues from this. Through the year, she's added about 15k to my debt. I've just spent the year stunned she could do this to me.
I have many issues, questions, and things I don't understand. The most appropriate questions for this forum, though, are:
1) Is this common?
2) She had to have a psychiatric evaluation prior to the surgery. I haven't seen any post-surgery psychiatric support. Is that common?
Oh boy,
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Emotional changes after surgery are quite common however, this seems extreme to me. I think there is something your wife is not saying. This level of cruelty seem absurd to me. Of course I am assuming that you were a good husband all these years and did not verbally or physically abuse her. Did you chastise her for her weight, make her feel unattractive ? If you did then I guess I could understand her wanting some sweet revenge but not at the expense of your children. If you were a good man then you need to get out of there. Something is very wrong with her being so mean. I don't know anyone man or woman who could endure this. Pain is a warning that something is wrong and if you feel bad you need to leave for good. I think her taste of the real world has freaked her out and she wants to come back because she is scared to do it on her own. I hate to say this but I suspect she does not really love you and stayed in the marriage because she had no other alternative. You should not take this as a reflection on you though, I suspect trouble was brewing well before you were married. Regarding the post op psych support, it seems most are on their own and that's too bad because it can come in handy. I wish you and your kids all the best whatever you decide.
Do you EVER cease from being completely obnoxious?
Must you infiltrate every single board on this site? You're replies are not funny nor are they in the least bit helpful, particularly in realm of the serious topics of the majority of the posts.
I don't post on the MI group anymore (haven't for a long while) because of you and your absurdity. You were in a Yahoo Group or two which I left because of your trite answers. Are you *everywhere*? Must you grace everyone's presence with your smart ass answers which by the way, don't help anyone in their quest for success and weight loss.
Newsflash!!! Not everyone finds you the least bit humorous, with the exception of a few sheep which I suppose in a far stretch can be considered your "fan club". May I interject that I am certainly not The Only Person who feels this way.
Again, I don't know of a way to block certain members as I haven't been "here" in a long time mostly due to said reasons. If there is a way, I will find out and you should be proud to know that you will be number one on my list.
You don't like this post?
SUE ME.
Chele
Wow this is really strange. My Niece's husband is going through almost the exact same thing. She wants to date brings guys home likes to go out almost every night then demands him to do things for her. like bringing her food , smokes ect. She gets angry if he complains, He loves her so much that he sticks by her and He is so lost and confused he just does not know what to do. This is my niece and I love her very much before the surgery she was straight lace family oriented and never drank. Now she is just so different its weird. by the way I had the surgery the day after her and I did go through a period where I left my husband for 2 months this summer but for good reason he wanted to keep me at home all the time did not trust me and was very insecure with himself. He still is and it is a struggle everyday. I wish you luck and Im sorry you are going through all this B.S.
Hi VC,
First of all, get a lawyer. You need to talk to a professional to understand what your legal rights are and how you can protect your finances, if for no other reason so that you can continue to offer your children a stable home. I'm not saying go to court - that's a last resort and is very expensive.
Secondly, it would appear that your wife's self-esteem issues from prior to her weight loss haven't been dealt with, and she should seek counselling before you agree to any kind of reconciliation. She needs to decide whether she wants to be married or not - this flipping back and forth isn't fair to you or the children you have together.
Finally, you sound like a loving parent, and I'll bet the kids are feeling pretty insecure about what's going on between the two of you. Please remember, you are currently the only real stability they have, and while it isn't fair that the burden is all on you, while your wife is figuring out her life you need to keep the kids' routine as stable as possible. You need to be their rock. If you need extra support, I would suggest getting counselling for yourself, to help you through this extremely difficult time.
Your wife really needs some help please take a stand in regards to your finances and your childrens future the odd thing about marriage is that both parties can not flake out at once so do not accompany her on her journey treat her like a drug addict because she is indeed addicted to attention at this point. Realize that like a crack head meth head heroin addict etc she is incapable of acting from a rational loving POV this is not the woman you have known and loved this woman is looking to make up for every slight real or IMAGINED that she has ever endured as a FATTY. She is of no solid use to herself you or the children until she goes through therapy and comes to grips with the feelings fear anger ugliness inferiority etc that are eating her alive. I wish you the best of luck stay strong
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