Frustrated!

My husband had the lapband procedure in June. He was a model patient for the first little bit. He got a fill and though he didn't feel like it restricted much, he was SOOOO much better with portion control. He is very private about his progress..won't share details or weight loss with me. Though it hurts my feeling a bit that he won't include me on this, I have to respect his choice and not bring it up. Lately, however, I've been getting a bit frustrated with him. He is choosing terrible choices. It puts me in an awkward position.... do I just sit back and allow him to make these choices and say nothing...or do I say something? For example: today he wanted to bring something from Waffle House home... a double cheeseburger plate with a double order of hash browns all the way. He tried to justify saying that it would be good for two meals. I know this is a poor choice..but if I say something, he gets in a foul mood. I didn't say anything because honestly I didn't want to deal with the aftermath. He is scheduled for another fill on Friday. I don't know if this is a common thing that people do...or something that should be addressed. I want to be a supportive and loving spouse. I know he wants to be successful in this journey..but it seems like he is hindering his own progress. Should I continue to bite my tongue or speak up? I am just trying to be supportive and don't want to find myself enabling him in bad behavior. Thanks for any input!!

I am totally on you with this one. My husband (he was a boyfriend at the time) had RNY in June and he was the model patient before as well. Took his vitamins....drank water.....ate the things that he was supposed to eat.....and now.......??????? Although he has shared the details of his weight loss with me I almost think it might be easier if he didn't. Now that he has gone away from the good food choices he will go for periods of time where he does not loose anything so along with seeing him not choosing good choices for food I also see what it is doing to him. He is the same was as your husband if I say anything I get the "yes dear" or the"just let me enjoy what I can eat" and then comes the bad mood. I know that lap band is a little different as far as what you can eat. My DH is not supposed to be able to eat sugar yet alas he can. He now after only 4 months is eating ice cream. Regular sugar loaded lemonade, pasta, bread and so on. He gets none of the dumping syndrome that you are supposed to get. SO like you I tend to not want to say anything and am always worried about me enableing him to go back to his old habits. I am scheduled to have the surgery on the 30th of this month and he went to my nutrition apt. with me yesterday and it turned into a session more for him than anything. Needless to say she told him that if he continued to eat the way that he was figuring out what he could "cheat" with then he would go back to the way he was and gain his weight back. So lets hope that it made an impact on him to stay the course. I just can not believe that after going through such a large surgery and all that is involved he is going back to the way that he was. It is very frusterating. My suggestion is to maybe try and schedule a follow up apt for him with a nutritionist. That is what was suggested to me yesterday. To try and get them back on track. Also you might try posting on the mens board to see what the guys have to say about it all. There are some guys on there that are really into it and have a lot of experience and great advice. Best of luck to you an feel free to email me. I know it is frusterating I have been in your situation.

Melissa, Thanks for your response! Sometimes I feel so out of place being the spouse. I wasn't the one who had the surgery and I don't want to come across as insensitive or uncaring. He just got another fill yesterday and is on his liquid phase for the next couple days. We'll see how it goes this time around. I hope all goes well with your surgery! Good luck with everything!

Also, just for help sake. You can do this without him thinking about what your doing. If your like my household. I do all the grocery shopping. Only buy sugar free or fat free products. Like there are great sugar free ice creams. Still getting the ice cream but no sugar. Also cereal, milk, mayo, almost anything you can think of. Help them not to sabotage. You dont have to tell them what your doing. All your doing is just buying better health choices. Just a small suggestion. Chances are he is going through withdrawls. Not getting to have the things he wants. Just let him have them in a better form.