Relationship Woes - Can You Relate?

Hey All, Since January 2006, I've been considering having some sort of weight loss surgery. At first, I only considered the lap-band because it appeared much less drastic, but now, I've started collecting the paperwork for the bypass. I've seen everyone from my PCP to a gastro doctor, and my final appointment with the nutritionist is August 30. From there, I'm expecting my surgery to occur in late September or early October 2006. I'm extremely excited about getting the surgery, but I am also terrified. I look forward to having a healthy, active life in all respects, but I am terrified about how my changes may affect my relationship. My girlfriend is also a full-figured woman, and much of our relationship has been built on supporting each other as full-figured women. So, as you can imagine, the idea of my losing weight is scaring her. She's afraid that if I lose weight, I won't need her or love her anymore. I tell her over and over again that I love her for who she is, but her inner critic just won't let her believe it. It's scaring her so much that she's distancing herself from me, and although I completely understand why she's behaving the way she is, I feel completely abandoned when I need support the most. I am having weightloss surgery to take care of myself -- FINALLY. I feel like I'm still attending to someone else when I really need to be attended to. Because I can't get the support I need from my partner, I thought I'd reach out to someone here at OH. Maybe some of you have had similar experiences, and it would be good to talk to someone who can relate. Can any of you relate? What are some of the troubles you all experienced pre and post op in your relationships, and how did you all deal with these problems? Here's my open call for penpals and support. I'd love to have someone the talk to through this journey! Please email me at [email protected]. Thanks! Ranessa

Hi Ranessa, Yes, I can relate to what your girlfriend is going through. My husband had his surgery jan 2006. I was very scared that once he got slim and trim I'd no longer appeal to him. I however, made the choice to support him through all his doctor visits, support groups, etc. I attended them all with him, asked questions, and listened to what others had to say. During our relationship I was thin when we met in 2002. By our wedding in 2004 I'd packed on about 40+ pounds. They say when you live with someone their eating habits can wear off on you. So here he is a candidate for WLS because of all his health issues (which he no longer suffers nor is he on any medications for anything at this point) and I'd be left behind. It's almost 8 months since his surgery and I'm so happy he's had it. Our relationship has strenghtened beyond anything I could have imagined. I decided for this to work I needed to be involved and participate in the weight loss part of this on my own without the surgery. So I eat exactly what he eats, I've learned to cook and bake without sugar and processed flour. He's lost a total of 140 pounds, I've lost 50 pounds, I'm almost down to what I weighed when I graduated from high school. If your girlfriend needs a supportive shoulder to lean on from someone who's been the partner going through this I'd love to help her through it. I'm curious if you don't mind me asking, I read on here all the time about couples going through the WLS together or within months of each other, if she is also full figured has she given any thought to WLS?? Has she given any thought to the change that is going to have to go on within the house so that you succeed and how beneficial that will be to her.....I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd lose weight right along with the hubby, but I did and it's pretty much been a painless process for me. Hope my 2 cents helps you a bit Ida