being honest about how good it feels to get noticed

Hi, I am surprised I am posting on this board. I was only checking it out to see if I thought it was somethng which might interest my husband. However, I have to say if I were a spouse I would not feel like I could post without concern that my partner would be reading it. As for myself that is fine I tell him everything anyway. Anyway, I have read a lot about marriages breaking up and affairs after the weight loss. It took me 4 years to decide to have the surgery and one of the main reasons was my fear that I would have an affair if I lost the weight and starting gettin all that praise and admiration from other men. The reason this concerned me was becasue the last time I was at my goal weight was after losing over 100 pounds. At that time I loved the fact that the way men interacted with me changed. I loved feeling sexy. I loved walking into a room and having men offer me seats or seeing heads turn. The hard thing was that my husband treated me the way he always treated me. He treated me with love and respect. He talked with me about the kids, the bills, the house, the car, our lives. He did not jump up becasue I walked into a room. He did not look at me like he longed for my body. He did not tell me how impressed he was with how wonderful I looked. I tried to explain this to him but he never really did get it at the time. As a result I almost had an affair. However, instead I dove head first into a cake one day and within hours i was in a mental hospital. I could not take the guilt of wanting to have the admiration of other men. So I started eating and did not stop until surgery. The hardest thing in the world for me was trying to explain all this to my husband. Admitting to him that I was on my way to cheating on this wonderful loving supportive man was somethig I did not think I would ever be able to do. However, I did it and it has made us stronger. I don't like that I need to know that men want me and more than anything that my husband wants me but it is a fact. I like the feeling of being desired. Talk about this with one another. Be honest about what you need and how it makes you feel. At the same time realize that it is not up to another person to behave the way you would like them to behave. My husband never changed the way he loved me. What changed was where I was looking to be affirmed as a women. I can't say this will not happen again because I don't know what will happen. What I can say is let your partner know how much you love them. Let them know you find the sexy and enjoy this together. There is more to life than the day to day routine. Enjoy the passion of refound energy together. Terrie

Wow.. I wish my wife had the presence of mind to realize she was going to go through that. I asked her point blank if that would be an issue, and she said no.. She loved me too much.. But, then she told me she was gonig to see other men, and she did. Now, she's also in a mental hospital, but because I wont immediately accept her back.