Procrastination and Fear and How It Relates to ( My ) Overeating

Very interesting topic today.

Yes I was cheated on but worse - made light of before that probably because of my weight and uncoolness lol.

This despite being an athlete and actor - my high school was ridiculously exclusive though and I was NOT one of the rich kidz.

So I do have issues with intimacy and establishing trust in relationships - you can imagine after a lifetime of dealing with my Fathers betrayals.

Feeling alone and unsupported even in relationships makes for emotional overeating of course.

I?m realizing I have a huge problem asking for anything but particularly what I deserve and am entitled to .

This goes back to a pattern with my Dad where I simply never received ANYTHING I asked for until I stopped asking .

Home was also a totally unsupportive place - I had to feed myself, walk myself to and from school and do chores and make dinner until my Parents came home, ate and then I had to clean up and do my homework.

The only interaction really was working together building a second home on the weekends and being slapped or beaten and questioned if my grades weren't all As .

Of course I eventually figured out I didn't even need to show up for school - except to take the tests and from then on spent my weekdays watching ( forbidden ) TV and scarfing down the refrigerator lol .

It was a MIRACLE I got accepted by an exclusive prep school - only to upgrade the scholarship and athletic level of their programs I'm sure.

Was definitely treated like a third class citizen there and made to feel like I could be asked to leave any moment despite not being a scholarship student .

So showing up for myself and asking for help is REALLY HARD - and not doing so day after day makes me want to stick my head in the sand with alcohol, excess food or shopping.

Im thinking ( seriously) of finding a Bariatric- oriented therapist. Anyone know any good ones in NYC ?