Failed

I am just over two years out and have failed. I am down 70 pounds and have no self control or self confidence. I feel like I have never addressed the "why" I overeat and still don't know how to address this. Any advice ? Self control has not worked. I am ready to quit trying

Therapy - you have to do the head work as well as the physical work. Can you reach out to your program for support and a recommendation? My program had a significant behavior modification chunk and also required reading/using the CD for Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays -- it had a lot of good information even though it goes a little heavy on the "spirituality" side for me but I just took what I needed from it and ignored the rest. Good luck!!

I felt like I failed for a long time, but then I knew I had to do something about it. I found a therapist who helps and I started with the basics of after surgery care like keeping a journal and a food journal (two separate journals), measuring, and making sure I only buy what I need at the grocery store. Do you enjoy exercising? Walking is a great way to relieve stress. Can you get a print out of the plate serving size of recommended foods? Post it in your kitchen or where you eat. Set up goals to accomplish each day, instead of looking at the big picture. Don't give up, you can do this!

You literally brought me to tears- I haven't been able to put a positive spin on this. The underlying issue is unresolved/ unaddressed trauma. But at my age, I don't even know where to begin. I work in healthcare and feel like I won't have privacy despite hippa. thank you for your kind words of encouragement

Rny122719, Please get help for your trauma. I agree, do not go in your circle of professionals connected with work.i am also a formerly licensed nurse.(I got out w/ tech changes)

.I have been there and done that. It can make all the difference in the world of your control and feelings of self worth. That is your key.

You have to accept you are WORTH the changes. You can do this!.

it is one bite at a time for many of us, one hour for others and one meal plan at a time.

Do not let this(meal plan) intimidate you. a meal plan does not need to be specific: it can be generic. ex I have one carb and 5 servings of protein every morning with a cup of coffee. for a snack i have half a serv of carb and 3 proteins. what i have daily can be plugged in to fit whether it is chicken, pork, beef..Or? crackers, bread, tortilla, j ust knowng your serving amounts will help you to establish and gain control.

For counseling: Consider alternate sources of assistance... outside normal resources. If you have a trusted friend- not in/ or connected to your circle of professionals.., possibly an old schoolmate? or a TRUSTED clergy.

many times clergy offer counseling sessions for free and can help you overcome the trauma thru discussions..of accepting the feelings (as toward them and not ourselves) Many times all someone needs to do is offer a ear and emotional support. Make sure you go to someone who KEEPS confidence. If you don't trust them - don't use. I had a long time friend i was able to confide in and work thru those feelings.

You may need to go out of town for professional help if you do not have someone you trust already... at least they are bound by professionalism to shut up.

In trying to bury the pain we often find..In not accepting to recognize those feelings we turn the harshness inward.

NOW you must turn that harshness both outward and loose.

One way to do this is to write down all those feelings of abuse/ neglect/ trauma . read over them several times,( to acknowledge them) tear the paper in bits( to destroy them) and then burn it. ( to rid completely) It is a symbolic way to dispose of them.

You're post really hit me. I'm a trauma survivor also but had to figure out how to thrive, too. Surviving is a default setting for me. The feelings that came up during my first year after RNY surprised me and, since I couldn't physically overeat, I had to find a way to cope. I found a counselor who works with eating disorders and trauma (a common combination in people with disordered eating). We've been working together for almost a year and it has been a huge help. I did discover that when I began delving into the painful stuff, it often triggered a desire to eat but fortunately I couldn't easily overeat without making myself sick. Now, having gotten past my first surgiversary, I'm also adding Overeaters Anonymous to my toolkit. I've learned I need to have a good support base as I move on through my journey, and I decided that OA is a good fit for me b/c of my tendency to binge, binge and then fall back into compulsive eating. I also attend the one in-person bariatric support group sponsored by my surgeon's office each month and attend the other online offering they have also. Perhaps in another year or two, I won't need as much support but for now, I need a lot.

I agree that counseling is the first place to start. Check with your surgeon's office as to whether they have any counselors to whom they refer people who have disordered eating. Also, check with your insurance provider. Don't be afraid to check out more than one counselor. It's important to have a good fit so you can develop that trust which is so important.

One thing I've discovered is that it is less important to figure out why I overeat. The knowing doesn't necessarily lead to stopping despite what the commercials for NOOM say. We do have to make a decision to do whatever is necessary to not eat compulsively which, for me, is anything not on that day's meal plan. Good luck to you.