Husband took me off his insurance!!!!!

The last few days have been so glaringly obvious that I can't continue in this marriage and I want to RUN.

People will give you advice on staying, talking to him etc and bless their hearts they mean well.

You need to make a plan and get away from this man. He won't change, however nice he is being at the moment and he could become dangerous if he thinks he's losing you.

My ex was controlling and manipulative but not physically abusive. When I left him, however, he tried to kill me. The two most dangerous times in any woman's life are when they are pregnant and when they leave a relationship. Even mild mannered men can become dangerous.

I know this all sounds dramatic, but if it doesn't happen, being safe and having a plan won't hurt, right?

I'm one of those people that generally believes communication is critical to relationships that work. Miscommunication can destroy relationships quicker than just about anything. Typically, I advocate working hard to restore relationships that, at least at some point, was something positive and special.

However...

As described I'm not seeing any miscommunication here. I see a spouse attacking and attacking again. And not just words intended to hurt during an argument. We're seeing purposely damaging actions. Actions this person thought through. From someone who swore to love and protect you.

As a guy, I am compelled by the guy rule book to support the husband. So, here goes: He is an evil, selfish, self-centered, controlling, disgusting, filthy, loveless, stupid arse. In saying this, I fear I am being unfair to evil, selfish, self-centered, controlling, disgusting, filthy, loveless, stupid arses. To them I apologize. To him, I feel like I need to get out my thesaurus. There, my obligation is complete. I feel dirty sticking up for this guy as much as I did. I need a shower.

Now that I'm done with sticking up for this guy...

Get an attorney. Now you never have to deal directly with this man-thing ever again. The attorney will do that for you. Don't do anything until your attorney tells you to. Get a restraining order. Don't talk to the man-thing directly ever again. Don't acknowledge it's existence.

Do your best to never think of this man-thing ever again. He is not worth your energy.

I'm gonna also suggest, if you don't have one already, a therapist. First, you are going to need support of someone with which you can talk things though. You also need to figure out how not do let this sort of thing from ever happening to you again. NO, you are not at fault at all for how big a jerk this guy was. But, you need to learn from this experience. You have your attorney for a legal and financial plan, and the therapist is for an emotional plan.

As Citizen Kim writes this all seems dramatic. It is dramatic. Your husband made it dramatic by literally declaring war on you by taking your healthcare away. So, when anyone says you are being dramatic or over-reacting, then those folks are part of the problem. Don't listen to them, you know the truth.

I can't fathom treating even my worst enemy the way your man-thing is treating you. Unbelievable.

Take care of you.

Tek

Wow, I'm so sorry to read this! What a selfish person. I like White Doves' advice, but I don't know if I could do it. I would be out of my mind with anger.

I wish you lots of courage and strength with anything you decide. Take care of you.

Hugs,
Lucy

Hi,

I was wondering how you are doing? You keep crossing my mind.

Lucy, thank you so much for asking. I am doing ok a lot has happened and I will post about that to bring anyone who is interested in knowing up to speed. Been a stressful week....

I found your new post! Will be following you there.

Keep your head high!

Unfortunately he sounds controlling. Partners support each other. I'm sorry to hear he did that. Keep on track. Continue changing your eating habits and go or walks when you can. Don't let him get you down. As you lose weight and gain more confidence he will feel more threatened. Work on you. It's your body. Your life. Good luck!

That's not a nice gesture. Is he afraid you will murder him or something?

Hon, you got more problems than lack of insurance and WLS will fix. Get on the ball....do what you need to do to get you and your life together. With or without the hubby. Take your venting and put that energy to use taking care of yourself and not being a victim. You can do it. If you don't, even if you get the insurance back this year....and your hubby gets on board....it will still be difficult for you and you will be eating your feelings again. WLS is a roller coaster of emotions and you need stability and persistence to be successful. You can get those without insurance. Your focus needs to be on your success and getting things worked out with your hubby not WLS....yet. Get those things and you will be better off....