Husband took me off his insurance!!!!!

Not sure if this has been asked and answered, but is your husband fit or overweight? I have found over the years that some marriages where both partners are overweight and one decides to lose weight and get healthy the other one gets angry and resentful.

Being in a controlling relationship is not healthy for either one of you.

I would be curious to know the reason he gave his HR department for removing you from the insurance. Was it just open enrollment and he decided to remove you. Which really is a dick move or did he say there was some sort of event like you having your own insurance.

Best of luck to you and come here to vent when ever you need.

Mark is fit but could stand to lose some weight in his gut. Since he started traveling for work he has put on some weight but he takes it off easily. He was able to remove me from the insurance because it was open enrollment so it was not a red flag to his HR nor was it questioned as to why. He indicated to the HR admin that I had insurance at my work and that I was taking that. So yes, major dick move.

Ah but you don't have insurance at your work right now correct? Because if you can get your employer to provide you with a letter stating that you are not covered under their insurance you can get put back on his without it being open enrollment. It is called Reporting a Qualify Change, meaning that an event occurred outside of open enrollment.

So though your husband took you off the insurance stating you were going to be getting your own it did not happen, which in turn has left you without insurance. That would be an event that you could use to get back on his insurance.

I know this because I deal with open enrollment for health insurance every year.

I am going to call HR tomorrow and let them know that I am uninsured and unable to obtain the insurance as expected and see what they say. I will also mention that the change in my status from insured with them to insured with my company did not take place. I am unsure where my HR is on their plan so I need to halt that if possible. The only other issue that comes up is if I leave him and set plans in place to divorce I will be off his plan again soon enough. So I guess I need to decide if I want to get back on his ins and stick around or get the hell out.

When you talk to HR don't be subtle, he lied about your status and you didn't have insurance through your company and you weren't in the process of getting insurance (I believe you mentioned that open enrollment had been completed already for yours). Also, I think if you get divorced and the divorce decree doesn't specify that he has to keep you on his insurance X time, then that would be a qualifying event so you get on your companies insurance regardless of open enrollment or not. Having said that, I"m not in HR and I'm not a lawyer so check with those professionals first. And like Kim said, be safe.

There are times that when going through a divorce if one of the spouses does not have access to health insurance or it is in adequate for medications/treatments that the spouse is required to take then they can still stay on the others insurance. It happened to my sister who had great health insurance and her ex did not. So the judge ordered her to keep him on the insurance. A few years after the divorce he got a job with good insurance and was then able to come off of hers.

Every situation is different and we don't really know the whole situation. I have read only some of the responses. My initial response is that the two of you need marriage counseling pronto! That was a terrible, selfish and manipulative thing he did to you. However, a few questions to answer - Is he normally controlling and unsupportive, or it mainly this situation? Very important question you can answer now. Also, does he really understand the causes of obesity, set point, the terrible success rate of diets for those with more than 20-30 lbs to lose? Is he afraid you will die in surgery or have severe complications? Have you been heavy all your life? Does he think that you married him just because you couldn't get a better man? Is he afraid you will leave him if you lose weight? Does he think you will change your lifestyle and be out of the house more? Is he afraid you will not be there to cook and take care of him and the house if you're out busy with your new life? Is he afraid you will start nagging him to lose weight or exercise after you get healthy? Just some things to work through together, and most people would need a facilitator or (counselor) to help with this process. Your emotional reaction could change if you understood his true motivations behind his lack of support. Perhaps it was his desperate action to save you and your relationship. Or it could crystalize your reaction that he is a controlling, manipulative, abusive jerk.

Oh my gosh... Health insurance is needed for so much more than just the option to have WLS! I apologize if I am over stepping, but I would call this an abusive relationship and your S/O is doing more harm than good. There were a lot of great suggestions, but I am looking at the bigger picture and (personally) would not want to be in that situation any longer. He has not regard for your health (AT ALL... not just for WLS)

Continue with your improved eating habits and if you decide to stay, may I recommend counseling? so an experience pro can tell him he's been an ass-holio.

I am very appreciative of all the suggestions and will follow some of them. As for counseling, he will not go that is one of his controlling traits. No one needs to be a mediator between us when we have problems. Not that I don't think he isn't an asshole but going to someone for them to tell him is not going to happen. I'll have some time after tomorrow to think about things so I will start planning more for what I need to do in the coming weeks. That might include not pursuing surgery at this time but focusing on moving beyond this marriage.

I'd pack my stuff, sort out the bank accounts (open one in your name, transfer half the money and close anything in joint names), see a lawyer and leave him, without giving him any notice or explanation.

What he has done is every bit as abusive as physical harm.

There is no happiness in living with an abusive asshole and you deserve better.