What's on the Monday menu, RNY peeps?

That's very insightful of you, SS. My partner (who is African-American) and his parents and sister, as well as me and my parents (my mom is Jewish) took a trip to Israel last year. That was a discussion topic for us - my mom was very aware that she can "hide" her ethnicity, whereas someone with a different skin color can not. All of them had/have experienced bigotry and stereotyping all throughout their lives.

Hi everybody,

Rough morning and very relatable QOTD!

I am at my wits end with DS. This kid of mine who was the nicest, sweetest kid till the beginning of jr year has become a stranger to me. He has dropped the bomb on us that he "doesn't feel" like going to a 4 yr college and is not the right path for him! WTF?!?! We've had a college counselor for him since last year, doing all the steps and now that we are down to the finish line and applications he doesn't wanna go any more? I hate to say this but I have a feeling the group of friends that he hangs out with have influenced him. We have a really good community college here, and this group is all going there. So my stupid son is following them and wants to go to our local JC! More money in our pockets for two years, but WTF? Sorry, I am so pissed! He says it's more seamless to go to JC, enroll in their honor program, and then automatically go to a UC without the hassle of application. Our JC has a program with UCs. Honestly if he had told us two years ago I wouldn't have had any problems, a lot of kids go to college through that route. My problem is that he is backing out bcz those other kids are going to JC because they don't have any other choice. 3 of them are going to alternative schools because they couldn't handle the academic rigor of our high school. They couldn't go to a 4 year college even if they wanted to. DS has a good enough (not perfect) gpa and aced his ACT. He would have so many options and it is breaking my heart.

QOTD: I wanna be in my DS's head for one day to UNDERSTAND wtf he is thinking. Bcz he keeps telling me I don't understand him.

I can't even think about my food today so I'll just wing it. If you guys don't hear from me any more, send bail money! And sorry about all the F bombs.

Oof, Sheila. That is SO tough. Like you said, it can be a great route for a lot of students to transition or to save money. It's hard though because your sights have been set on him going to a four year school and obviously you want the entire world for him, and not for him to just stay local hanging with the same kids. I know for me, going away to school was the most incredible experience ever - I went out of state and I was living in a dorm, among so many different people, learning about different places and viewpoints. I have SO many friends who never left our town in Michigan and it's not that I fault them, I just am grateful that I had the chance to go other places. My brother went to a local school and he was totally fine with that. But he and I are very different people. It sounds like your daughter and son are very different as well. I don't know what I would do in your position - probably freak out and worry (rightfully so) that it's for all the wrong reasons. Does he plan to stay living at home??? Maybe it's time to get serious with him and say feel free, but these are the rules if you are living at home going to CC, and if you are going to move out, let's take a look at rent, phone bill, car insurance, expenses so you can get a realistic view of what your life will be like, working 40 hours a week while taking CC classes...

In his discussion with us about CC he hinted at when I'm 18 I can do whatever I want. I hit the roof. I said don't forget who your mom is, I don't agree with these American rules of 18 and on your own. If you are under our roof you follow our rules no matter what age. But if he decides to move out (which doesn't make sense because the CC is literally one exit from our home) he is on his own for his phone, rent, car, etc. If he wants to adult I'll let him adult. I have a suspicion these guys all want to move in together and go to CC, they think it'll be so much fun.

Once again, I have no problem with our CC, it's a GREAT program and and a great route for a lot of kids. DS could have had other options but I'm good if he goes to CC, is on the honor program and goes to a UC. I just hope he is not doing this out of laziness and staying with these loser friends.

There is nothing I can say that will solve this for you right now. I have had similar experiences, they are now 25 and 23. I agreed with some college decisions and questioned others. They are good kids/young men.

Hugs

I was originally going to say that if he's not ready, starting at a community college - or taking a gap year - might not be a bad idea, but then you went on to say that he's doing it because of his friends. So yea - I get what you're saying. Yikes. I hope this works out somehow....it'd be too bad if he doesn't eventually straighten himself out and go the traditional college route since it sounds like he's more than capable. Sorry you're going through this!!

See my reply to Emily (DCgirl)!

This must be part of the reason you and DS have not been communicating so well this year. It probably took a lot of courage for him to tell you what he's been thinking about his life for the next few years. I'm sure he doesn't want to upset you...and I'm sure he doesn't want to ' lose you' . This may not be going according to your plans for him...but I sincerely hope that although you may not seem eye to eye...that you will still see heart to heart... take care