Advice on being told you need to slow down with the weight loss

Good Morning everyone and happy Friday! I hope everyone has an enjoyable and relaxing weekend ahead of them.

I'm looking for some opinions on being told that basically I need to stop/slow down with the weight loss from my mom. She has been my biggest supporter through this process, but I had an idea this was going to happen. She had RNY about 11 years ago, hit her low weight of 128, and then bounced back up and maintained at 155. She is also about 4 inches shorter than me. I've always kept her updated with how much i weigh, and ever sense I passed her weight, she has started to make these little remarks;

"If you lose anymore, you'll disappear when you turn to the side"

"Just be careful, you don't want to lose so much that your face becomes gaunt"

"You are going to get fat transfer to your hips/butt? If you lose anymore weight you are going to have enough fat to transfer"

I'm not sure how to approach this situation because I know the reason is her own feelings of insecurity. I've always weighed more than her in our adult lives. But I am also struggling with losing the weight right now anyways and I could really use her support.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas, I welcome them all.

- Haley

If your stats are current, you're on the borderline of normal weight and overweight, so you're fine and definitely not too light. Plus most of us have a 10-20 pound bounce back after hitting bottom. She knows that since she had a bounce back, too. Maybe remind her of that?? Although I can relate to what you're saying. My mother harped on me, too, about losing too much. I just ignored her. Sometimes easier said than done, though..

Tell her those comments are upsetting and that you are working your plan with your medical team.

I had this happen to me as well with my mother. When I became lighter than her the comments began. The one that hit me hard was "You better stop where you are at you are beginning to look old." It stung at first then I let it go and stopped telling her my weight or pounds lost. I know she didn't say it to be mean, just her own insecurities. Be honest with her about how you feel and maybe stop telling her how much you weigh:-)

Stop sharing your weight with your mom. I'm going through something similar. My younger sister has always been the slim one and now I'm smaller than her. Every time I see her she makes rude comments about my weight. I've told her to stop and she still continues, so I ignore her and minimize contact. I also do not share my weight or clothing sizes with her. I've experienced this issue with a couple of friends too.

I let my medical providers be the ones to guide me on the best weight for me.

People who never knew me when I was obese think I look great but some old family & friends occasionally say nasty things like I'm gaunt, skeletal, wasting away, looking older, etc., and when that happens, it is ALWAYS about them and not accurate.

Don't buy into the negative comments such that you halt or slow down your weight loss to make them feel better about themselves.

Go with the weight you and your surgeon agreed to. My first goal was 151, then 140 and for me 118 - 125 turned out to be my comfort zone. People were on my I was to skinny on 180. They are just not use to you being so thin and also they are reacting to losing the only you they know.

If you are struggling it could be she is getting into your head. Stay with the rules, the basics and while those last few pounds or hard you can do it. DON'T let her words give you permission to eat what you know you don't want to. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Thank you everyone,

My surgeon didn't give me a specific goal, but when I stated that I'd like to get down to 120, she said that she didn't see any problem with that and would support it.

I think I will stop offering my information. If she is feeling insecure, I'm not helping her with what I'm saying. Additionally, if she asks/makes a comment in the future, I will tell her that it hurts me feelings and makes my continued weight loss more difficult.

I'll let you all know what happens!

Thanks again for all the advice

This sounds like a good plan - that's pretty much what I did, too.

Don't let someone sabotage you. Lose as much as you can during your honeymoon period of about 18 months.

Whatever you get down to, it is pretty normal to bounceback twenty pounds or so by end of year three. If you set your goal for 120, you will probably end up at 140 after a few years and that is great for 5'5"

If you look too skinny for a while, don't worry about that. Your face fills out again too