Family Judgement

Hey Everyone,

I am Post Op since March 1st...making it now almost 8 months post op.

HW: 448

CW: 327

GW: 265

Hey everyone, this is my first post but really needed to get this out and discuss it with you all. Over the past month I have been in this plateau. I have not gained any weight but at the same accord have not lost any weight either. I have not excercised as much as I should or have in that past and know that needs to increase. Have just been busy and alot of life altering changes past few weeks that I have not "made time" for working out.

I made an appointment and saw my NUT 2 weeks ago and we discussed what I need to do. What my eating habits need to go to, and excersise needs to be added. My in-laws are smaller people and my mother-in law is a nutrition nut. Since I have not lost any weight they have approched me to talk in a quiet area about their concerns. They are worried I am eating the way I was before surgery, or no longer care to try to loose any weight. I feel judged, expecially after having some food to eat for Thanksgiving. I stayed away from sweets and no pie, pudding or anything tempting. We did go out to eat and I had a portion of a sandwich. They are saying they feel I have gone back to the way things were, as they see that I am eating food again.

What is really grinding my gears, and honestly hurting is the fact they cant be happy for what I have lost so far, that this is not a fix to my size. I am not perfect, and its taking some time and work. But I almost feel like being fat and left alone would be better than loosing weight, being skinny and judged everytime were going to eat. I have stressed about what to eat, not to eat. and what im going to be judged about if i eat something that they deem as wrong or too much. Im just needing some strong word of help or something. This is the first time that I am not feeling confident anymore. I just feel like a failure, and discouraged.

I'm sorry you are feeling judged by your family. Can you tell them that you take guidance and input from your medical team and would appreciate their stepping back?

I'm totally an outsider looking in- but I wonder if part of what's eating you is that your family touched on truth about your habits you've been battling. No one likes the 'coming to jesus' Talk about heath/weight in any fashion, but it's so much more bitter when you've been trying to manage it all in your head and it seems like someone reached in and read your most private thoughts. I know I judge myself far more than anyone else!

None the less- you must find your way on this path to success on your own. Maybe that should be the message to your family. Their good intentions will not translate to action on your part.

There is an African proverb I love- 'if you're building a house and a nail breaks-- do you stop building?' No you don't. Find a new nail and keep building your success.

Peachpie: I love that proverb! So true, isn't it?!

Please don't give up or feel discouraged and congrats on your loss thus far and reaching out to us!

I hate the food police, especially when it is your own family members. My own family used to comment on what I ate when I was heavy and make rude comments about my weight. Now they tell me I look anorexic or too thin, especially when I wear skinny jeans or a bathing suit. And yet people who never knew me when I was obese think I look good. My point is your family may be toxic throughout your weight loss journey so don't give them the power to sabotage you and impact your success thus far. WLS and post-op life is a marathon, not a sprint, and is not easy.

You do you; work on your food addiction issues with a therapist, follow your surgeon's plan, and ignore all the naysayers. Many of us on OH have experienced what you're going through so don't think you're alone in this. Share with us your highs and lows, let us be your support group, and minimize talking to your family about your medical and weight situation. Set boundaries with them and stay strong. And don't expect or be disappointed if they're not happy for you.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

I'm not someone who wants or needs advice unless I ask and I'm very upfront about that with everyone in my life. Clear boundaries are a good thing, and you might want to think about setting those with your family. It may not be well received, but in the long run it will allow you to maintain relationships that are healthy for you.

Now, you have started this post, so I'm going to assume you're inviting our opinions!

This is called your honeymoon period. It will NEVER be as easy to lose weight as it is now -NEVER! You need to do everything in your power to lose your last 100lbs. You've done great in the last 8 months, but you still have a lot of work to do to get anywhere near your goal weight. Thanksgiving and Christmas are not opportunities for you to slip - you'll have the rest of your life to allow yourself to ease up a bit FOR THE DAY. This is your weightloss year, you should be a beast - both with your eating and with the exercise you're making excuses for!

Join the menu thread and log on EVERY DAY. Accountability is a key to long term success and I think you could use the support of your peers - the people here who know how this works and can give you an attaboy for your successes and a kick up the ass when you have excuses.

You can also join the "exercise and fitness" thread...both can easily work "hand in hand"..

Exercise and movement is great long term but the weight loss is primarily what we put in our mouths. Many people have plateaus... you need to judge yourself... what sm I doing?

Someone here told me in the beginning- Be a machine. Best advice.

I concur; weight loss happens in the kitchen not the gym.

I'm not a Roux-en-Y patient, I was sleeved in March of this year but your story resonates with me deeply. My loved ones argue what I should/ shouldn't eat on a fairly regular basis. "can you have a taco? is that on your diet" kind of questions. I tell them repeatedly that I can eat what I wish, in moderation of course and I choose what I eat very carefully as my calories are limited. If I slip up and have a cookie or chocolate bar, I fess up to it, write it down in my food journal and document why I wanted this goodie so bad.

Don't forget that this is a learning curve for your loved ones as well. They may not understand how our new digestive track works and may need a little more time to adjust. If you still have your reading materials prior to your surgery, might I suggest you let the family members read it. Or on your next nut appointment, take someone with you so that they can ask questions too.

You have done so well for yourself, keep your head held high and continue on your journey. Embark on a new adventure maybe take up a martial arts class for a change of pace. As long as you are at peace with yourself, you can't change what others will say or do.

*hugs to all*