Family Non-support Rant

I have over the past four years to pretty much try to stay away from family.

It makes my life easier. The comments from them hurt since they are people who are supposed to live us.

my mother has made some horrible comments. I decided after that I would be the one in charge of my visits. I always have my car so I can leave when I went and when I had enough.

i have not had her visit at our house since I hahave to wait for them to leave.

foe me I have to be my own cheerleader. I can't depend on others for my happiness.

I sound like a Debbie Downer. Surround yourself with positive people.

Well how about " some things are genetic and only surgery will fix!" So sorry this happened to you but there is a lot of talking about your body when you are going through surgery and the after effects. Things that can help, 1) not talking to them about your body or weight loss (talk to supportive people instead) and 2) you can just give them a weird look and say 'why would you ever say that?!?!..You will get through this transition much easier if you realize what people say is really not about you, it is about them. So my guess is your mom may have some issues with her chin? Just a guess. But it took me a long time (I am 10 years out this month) to just realize that most people, especially women, have weight issues and when they see you changing it triggers their own issues around weight, body image or appearance. Best of luck...but while you are going through this time of change...and losing weight....growing a thicker skin will help you too!

Also when they get older it seems they think they have license to say anything they want. My mother is 80 and although she has her full faculties she says the most hurtful things. Yesterday my day was much less enjoyable due to several really well placed comments by mom.

Just have to put it aside but it does not make it any less hurtful.

Unfortunately, the aging process includes declining etiquette--supposedly nature's way of making it easier for adult children to deal with losing their parent. My mother is in her 90's and does not have her full faculties. She can't hear, can't see, can't walk without a walker, won't wear her dentures, wears paper underwear, has food stains on her clothes, yet comments on my looks! Glad you have found a way to put your mother's hurtful words aside, too.

Sounds like a jealous comment to me. Congratulations and don't let her get to you.

I have not had my VSG done yet I still have a couple more months before I can due to insurance and surgeon requirements. At first i wasn't going to say anything to my family but my husband thought that would be a bad idea. So I told my mom first, and ever since I did that she is just constantly saying how heavy she is and how she needs to lose weight. She is 82 and is no were near to being over weight, if anything she could stand to gain a few pounds. But it just bothers me that since I told her about this she is now trying to do what she can to lose weight like not eating like she should. Before I told her about me wanting to do this surgery she never mentioned her wt. As kids me and my sister were always on some kind of diet cause mom thought we were to heavy. I just wanted to say something cause everyone on here sounds like they have somewhat the same type of issues with family. Same thing is happening with my daughter. It makes me kind of feel like they want me to just stay the way I am which is not going to happen. Thanks for listening....

HI,

I can't speak for other mothers, but mine has NO filter! Says anything that comes to her mouth! My sister has made it very clear that my help problems (lupus/sjogrens/anemia ) are all because of my weight loss surgeries. She throws that in my face at every chance and basically believes my illnesses are self induced.

In most cases the comments are not meant to be hurtful but sometimes they are!

No one needs that kind of comment. I'm sorry.

If you're looking for advice, I recommend coming up with some sort of script that will allow you to establish boundaries in these situations. For example, a reply of "Wow, that was incredibly rude!" followed by a subject change like, "How's that local sports team doing?" Repeating the same script, word for word, every single time the boundary is crossed, eventually tends to get the point across.

I am so impressed with your loss. Dealing with negativity cannot, should not and will not be tolerated here any longer. Say it yourself and mean it! I was just telling my daughter, since my surgery, not my weight loss has given me an inner strength to no longer accept back handed compliments. I was worthy and enough before, and I still am. Being heavy, obese, or not thin doesn't give any one the right to make us feel shamed, because as stated by many here, we all don't like things about ourselves. I am so tired and angry of people who dump on us because we're too nice, or in our own space..Keep on going, and avoid the naysayers, and stop making excuses of having to be with them, btw, this holiday I stayed with just my daughter and husband, declined invites and didnt feel obligated to invite..This is the year, I come first, and I think it should be your too!