My husband isn't so sure and he's my most important support

That's probably the best answer.

Also this first part of recovery will consume your life. As it should. My advice is to talk here instead of bombarding him. It's helpful for both of you.

Good luck.

As Hala mentioned, there can be problems that develop years after the surgery. I am happy that I had the surgery. I have had a couple of problems, mostly hypoglocemia, but if I eat correctly, it doesn't bother me. Elective surgery is always hard when it comes down to the wire. It is easy to read everything, but when you choose to actually have your body operated on, you begin to second guess yourself. Loved ones especially have trouble with elective surgery. My husband has had his knees, shoulders and feet operated on due to arthritis. Each time, he knew all about the consequences and the pain with the physical therapy, but he chose surgery. I recenly chose to have my rotater cuff and bicep muscle repaired. I knew it would be painful. It is and that particular surgery has a long recoup period. But, I chose to fix the problem, others have chosen to live with the damage. WLS is an elective surgery. There are many benefits. I have kept my weight off for 2 1/2 years. I was an overweight baby, toddler, kid, teen and adult. This is the first time in my life I am a normal weight. I wish I had qualified sooner, or knew about surgery in Mexico so I could have enjoyed my life sooner as a slim person.

I want to talk to you for a moment, please. I had the roux-en-Y in 2009. The day I went to surgery, I weighed 368lbs. I had spent almost a year going from one of their departments to another to get approved at a major teaching hospital. My husband fought me the whole year. He was afraid I would die. There were some problems in surgery. I came out of recovery many hours after I should have. My face was all blue and black like someone had tried to kill me. I never got an answer as to why. My surgeon only said he thought they had problems intubating me. About a month later I realized I had a hernia at the navel. I felt wonderful and could run up and down the grocery isles and I didnt have a cart anymore. And then my legs and feet started swelling. I had lymphodema in both legs they told me. 6 weeks of my legs being wrapped in bandages and then $600 a pair custom made lymphodema hose to the knees. Really lovely too!!

This is what I was told to do or not do after surgery: never use a straw, it puts air into the pouch. Do not ever take NSAIDs or ibuprofen. You could bleed out before they could get you to a hospital. Do not drink 30 min before or with or 30 min after eating. I have always taken my calcium chews and vitamins. I knew these rules and I did what they told me to do. I lost 175lbs in a little over a year and I have never gained it back. In 2014, I started having heartburn. I do not have heartburn. I am on stomach acid reducers. I had 2 endoscopies but neither of them went into my pouch. I had a barium swallow test then too. The radiologist and I were watching the screen and he asked me what kind of surgery I had, and I told him. He said, " Someone screwed up, someone screwed up big time." No one ever asked me about what the radiologist said. No dr even mentioned it again. I have been having problems with my nutrients absorbing for a couple of years now. I started looking very unhealthy.

On Oct 4th of this year, I woke up with pain like I had never had before. When the EMTs got me to a hospital, I was taken straight to surgery. My pouch had ruptured. I shouldn't have lived. The surgeon flushed me out 3 times and he told me my pouch rotted. He said I had an ulcer that rotted my pouch and he had to put a rotted patch of tissue to cover a rotted hole. He said if it didnt hold, there are no options. You die. I had never ever thought about what would happen if your stomach opens up. There are no transplants for our stomach.I was in the hospital with huge stitches from the sternum to my belly button. The dr said I had the worst thing that can happen to a human and he doesn't understand why I am still alive. I was not allowed one crumb of food for the 6 days in the hospital. I have lost 30 more lbs since the surgery. I am not hungry anymore. I am skin and bones trying to gain weight for the 1st time in my life. I now look like I am 80 instead of 62. I was told it is going to take a very long tie to heal. I do not have anyone to tell me how to keep this from happening again. Or what not to eat. nothing.

Have you tried asking your husband to make a commitment to you and the two of you start walking each day inside or out. You may only be able to take a few steps without stopping at first, but knowing that he is as committed as you, gives you a great opportunity to start courting again. See how far you can go while you are waiting for your surgery. I was never told this could happen 8 years after my surgery. When I got home, I started running a high temp and was put back in for 2 more days. Pleurisy in my left lung. Complication from the 1st surgery. Since then I have been checking into others that this has happened to. It is now one of the things bariatric surgeons warn their patients about before their surgery. I do not know your age and that really doesn't matter. I had tried everything to lose weight. Weigh****chers 3 different times. I lost 64 lbs the last time and gained it all back and more. water aerobics. I told myself this surgery was the only way for me to have a life. Now I can't cook for my husband or do our laundry or even clean my floors. My sweet man comes home from work and goes to work on the house and laundry and supper. He washes the dishes and all I can do is sit in the corner of the couch and watch him do the things I sed to do easily when I weighed 368 lbs. I have not told you all of this to frighten you, but anyone who wants this surgery needs to know that we are not perfect after we lose the weight. 80% of the patients gain all of their weight back within 2 years. I will pray for a successful surgery for anyone reading this but be sure you know what can happen. God Bless

Suzette, I was in nursing for almost 20 years...so I say this with knowledge of our system and how it works..I hope you have a lawsuit going against the surgeon that botched your surgery. since you just found out how bad it was messed up, you should be able to regain some of your losses financially. It could help pay for the assistance of someone to do part of the things you are unable to do and give your precious husband some relief. God Bless HIm!

The doctor that patched your stomach has notes on what he found as part of his notes. The radiologists reports and films should be yours for the asking as well. even if they need to make copies to retain... Dr who patched up your stomach is your friend. He should be able to answer your questions...re: what you should be able to eat to keep any further injury . I would say extremely low acid, and high and smooth protein, frequent feedings and small amounts ...

The place that did your origonal surgery is required to keep records on what they did and all materials utilized and procedure that was done.and any problems encountered.....those notes should shed light on what really happened during the first surgery. You need to get your complete records of both of these surgerys ASAp and see a lawyer.. what was done to you was CRMINAL ..and is this doctor still doing it to others?

It sounds like if the scope did not go into the pouch, origonal Dr reversed the order...( A barium swallow on me shows my pouch, but not the portion that still makes my enzymes and routes them thru to lower portion of small intestine) I was also given the same instructions post surgery. Like you i have striven to follow them and have maintained my weight. One of my twists was caused by lactose intolerance and the other by nsaids, used for 4 weeks for severe pain.( I had to quit job.because of the pain the job caused.)

You can live without a stomach. it is only done in extreme emergencies, but a loop of intestine can be attached to the esophagus... OR a portion of the intestine can be brought thru the abdominal wall and you could be fed with a tube feeding. Not pleasant and not optimal. I am so sorry you are going thru this. Thank you for posting this.

Take care.

I'm only 15 months out, so I'm still a newbie. questions that helped me in making my decision:

I asked the surgeon to compare his complications stats to other Bariatric surgeons. (Slightly better than provincial averages)

Then I asked him to compare the rate of complications for wls to other types of "obesity released" surgeries I could face in the future.

Wls has fewer complications than gallbladder removal, joint replacement, heart surgery etc.

Then there was the long term comparisons. A life of managing iron and vitamin intake vs blood pressure meds, diabetes, chronic pain etc.

While WLS is by no means a guarantee that I won't have to deal with other chronic or acute diseases, facing them while weighing 200 pounds less gives me the best opportunity for a higher quality of life.

No one should make this decision lightly, but the reality is, surgery is the most effective tool we have in managing our obesity. I'd do it again in a heart beat.

I have not regretted my decision at all. At 6 months post-op I can honestly say it was the BEST thing I ever did for myself.

My husband was EXACTLY like yours. He was worried/concerned. He heard a talk-radio show about all the problems associated with WLS and really wanted me to be completely thorough in my research and open and honest with all my health care team so that I could get an honest and real opinion on what is best for me.

I think that he was scared for me right up until I came out of surgery. He tried his best to hide it, but I know him. I also knew how strongly I felt that this was right for me and I pushed through.

I am a WIMP when it comes to pain - REALLY!!! Day 2 post-op I was in rough shape. My family was on their way to see me at the hospital and I called and told him not to come. He knew then that if must be bad if I didn't want them to see me like that, but I also knew he wouldn't know what to do. He is a typical husband in that he wants to fix everything, and when he can't and feels helpless - its not good. It upsets him, and I just thought it better to avoid it all together. He had plenty to keep his mind occupied with the kids, so it worked out.

Even now when we talk about it he reminds me how unsure he was about it. How he didn't think I should do it, but that he knew I really wanted it. He has been my biggest supported since he picked me up at the hospital. He took care of me as I healed, and still he reminds me to slow down when eating.

Its hard when those we love are worried about us, but totally understandable.

You brought tears, that sounds exactly like us. And I know without a doubt that he will be there for me. Im just so excited it's finally down to the wire and it sucks that he's not excited with me. I've become a shut in because of my weight. Overtaken by anxiety, in pain all the time, lots of health problems that are adding up constantly and all caused by my weight. I'm so far past ready for this. Once I start losing the weight and improving and being able to do things with him and our kids I know he will see that this was the right decision.

so true, and he will know it was the right decision sooner than that. I'm sure (like mine) your husband just needs to see you come out the other end of surgery ok, with no complications. He just needs to know that you will be fine. Once you are mostly healed, you will see a big difference in him. Mine hated seeing me in pain, once that passed - all was good :)

Ask him to read this article - https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/12/7/16587316/ba riatric-surgery-weight-loss-lap-band

Can you take him to a support group meeting with you so that he can hear stories from other people?

Thank you ?Great article!