10 days post op... In need of some support

Hello! I'm not new to reading and following along here, but new to posting. I had RNY surgery on 10/25 and recovery has been alright. I have some incision pain, stomach aches and pains and I am a stomach sleeper so nights have been rough, and some major constipation that my nurse has been working on with me.

This week has been hell for me... mainly mentally. I'm an emotional wreck and I'm at the point where I'm wondering if this decision was right for me, what did I do to my body? I of course understood the risks and sacrifices before 10/25 but I suppose once you are home after surgery, the pain is fading and the hunger is coming back after the swelling goes down since you're only funneling liquids into your new tiny tummy... it starts to feel very surreal.

I've been crying non stop. It is silly, but I feel like every time my family eats junk they are out to get me or being unsupportive. I know that isn't the case, but it is hard for me. I'm feeling like I've lost my #1 coping mechanism, food, and it is very hard for me to comprehend the fact I may never be able to eat at a restaurant and finish my plate again. Or drink while I am out to dinner while I eat, amongst other things... like possibly never being able to eat some of my favorite foods again. The thought of never eating a chipotle bowl with chips and guac, or an order of French fries is upsetting to me, which is sad but true. I know I'm the grand scheme of life these are very silly worries but to me I feel very lost right now until I find another coping mechanism.

My family is supportive and wants me to stay positive but every time I get upset they like to say they told me not to go through with surgery in the first place and that is just really making me feel worse. I'm already down, rubbing in the fact I may not have mentally been ready for this just hurts even more.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in this for the long run.. I can't wait to find healthy options that work for me when I finally get to eat real foods again. But for now, it kind of feels like my world is crashing down all around me. With the holidays coming up I'm really worried how I'm going to handle the family events with all of the food. I'm seeing Christmas commercials and everyone is getting festive and I'm just feeling like a zombie. It doesn't even feel like holiday season to me when I think about my limitations.

surely I can't be alone? If you are where I'm at, or have been here, how did you get along? How did you move on from your addiction? Does it ever get easier? Will I ever be able to enjoy family gatherings and going out? Or my favorite foods but in moderation?

First of all... take a deep breath! It WILL all be OK!

Second, you are recovering from major surgery, you are hormonal, and you're right, it's like you've lost your best friend. BUT... there are lots of new best friends out there just waiting to meet you and help you.

Have you been to Eggfaces blog page yet? There you will find a multitude of recipes, starting from the pureed stage, all the way to healthier alternatives to your favorite foods. Go... read... learn from her about how it IS possible to do this and be happy!

Consider finding a therapist that specializes in food addicts. Seriously, if you don't start to feel better mentally, none of this will work in the long run. There's nothing wrong with getting a little help to get your through this and find ways to cope.

A ton of people here have been where you are, and it does get better. The hardest part is getting your mind in the game - and keeping it there. Unfortunately the saying that "they don't operate on our brains" is SO TRUE.

Stop thinking that you CAN'T eat things... because eventually, after you are healed, you'll be able to put anything into your mouth and eat it. The trick is to get to the point that you don't WANT to eat it. And not being able to eat an entire plate of food at your favorite restaurant?? THAT is a PLUS! Because then you get to have 2-3 meals of your favorite foods (if you picky the right things) for the price of one! I love going out to eat and then bringing it home and having it again and again. THAT is a bonus!

Hang in there, and join us on the daily menu post... there's a lot of support there, and great ideas for healthy low carb things for you to love.

I can't wait to join the daily menu posts when I finally am eating something lol! Also thanks for the blog link, I've been checking it out and it looks awesome.

I'm sorry your having such a hard time right now. But I can say that it does get easier. Essentially your going through a break up, you and food have broken up. Soon, you'll be able to start dating, ie trying new foods and finding something better. I also remember that feeling: "OMG what did I do, why, why, why....." but I had this mantra that I still use, but rarely, "this too shall pass". The hardest part for me was my grandma passed away very suddenly about a month before my surgery, we were VERY close, and one thing I was working on with her was the fact that I may not be able to "clean" my plate after surgery. Well, the first several times this happened, that I wasn't able to clean my plate, was almost too much for me and thats when the tears would start and the "ohhh what have I done" would kick in. That, of course, lessened over time. I also found that when temptations were getting too much for me, I would leave for my safe place, which was my bed room. I set my bedroom up before surgery with a treadmill, Tv, VCR, books; All to help distract me when I was most restricted. It started getting a little better day by day for me and now I'm a little over 5 weeks out and it truly feels like I've been blessed:) I really truly hope it gets easier for you. Good luck and Stay strong. Remember "THIS TOO SHALL PASS"

wow, I'm a proofreader by nature and that part about the break up and dating does sound corny but it is true, lol. Hey, maybe you'll get a good laugh out of it, so I'll keep it in there. Laughter is the best medicine I hear.

I'm sorry that you are struggling so badly. The first few weeks are stressful with everything being new and strange. Hang in there and remind yourself and your family that you had surgery for your health. I agree with Pammieann, find someone to talk to about your food struggles. It will help you to get through this.

I'm definitely going to look into talking to a therapist about how I'm feeling. It helps a lot to be able to talk on here about my feelings too and I appreciate everyone's kind words and support. It means a lot. I'm trying to keep the emotions at bay so I can get my fluids up.. I'm definitely losing a lot in tears lol. I know things will get better it's just a long road ahead and I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed. Casey- I did laugh at your dating comment.

I am only three weeks post op and I can tell you that at only three weeks I feel much better about the whole process. The first two weeks were rough. The third week I got to start soft foods so my choices and options greatly increased. I feel so much better being able to eat real food again. I have cravings everyday but I find healthy alternatives to fight the cravings. Next week I will go to normal food and it will be much easier to eat everyday. I am already sick of eggs and protein shakes lol. Remember this, once you have healed you will be able to eat all the foods you ate before just in small portions. Like the other response I read, you can eat it three times from left overs.

It gets better very quick, hang in there.

I like to say you're in the "What the f*** did I do to myself?"phase. Very common!

Things will get better. 10 days out and you may have just now started to lose weight! Well you're about to lose a lot of weight. Enjoy your freedom from the shackles of hunger and ride this wave as long as you can. You can turn this misery into something life altering. Have patience. Forget what others are saying. They're terribly wrong. You absolutely did the right thing if becoming healthy is a goal of yours. It ain't easy as first but it does get easier.

Check in here often! The regulars in here are here to help you!

The first month especially is very emotional. For me I went into a stall after one week that lasted 3 ½ weeks.... I was devastated and convinced I was the only one this wasn't going to work for. I kept saying to myself- Why did I have my insides rearranged if I am not going to lose anyway???

In the end, Obviously that wasn't the case.

Once you are further out there will be very little you can't eat, you just don't want to on any kind of regular basis. I went to France this year, I promise you French fries were eaten ....

Deep Breathes.... it does get better

Sorry, you are having a rough go. It is early days, and it will get better.

As others said, talk to someone. You have most likely lost your main coping mechanism. I know it was for me. Things I found that helped:

-a list of reasons you had surgery, big ones and little ones. Look at it often.

-log on here and read and contribute every day. I also often read through WLS posts on Instagram. Finding a community with a shared experience is important.

-start each morning with a quiet moment to think about your goals, and what you've accomplished so far.

-keep your family informed.

-it's ok to ask them not to eat certain foods around you.

-for the holidays, food isn't the only thing that's special or festive. find activities that fill the gap. Get ideas from other family members. We play games, plan projects like over-elaborate photo booths. Family olympics (minute to win it type games) . Outdoor activities etc.

-and keep in mind, as others have said. You will most likely be able to eat all those foods again, the foods that contributed to you needing surgery. The goal is to not want to.

I chose to embrace the limited choices and spend the time focused on behaviour change, my mental health, and lose as much weight now as I can now.

good luc****ep posting!