Leaving Others Behind Question

Ouch, that was hard statement to hear from your kids. I can understand their feelings. I felt kind of similar when my sister/niece/cousin had WLS and left me behind. I know I wasn't jealous- I just couldn't understand how it worked. It confused me cause when we got together I still saw them eating crap, obsessing over the same foods we always obsessed over. But they lost weight- a lot of it. And gained it all back. Where I'm starting to leave them behind is maintaining my loss. It's early yet- buy I've definitely surpassed them at similar stage post op. I work hard at not drawing attention to my effort etc when they're around- but they notice my eating habits and I'm often met with 'wow' you're still doing that (i.e. Not drinking with meals/vitamins)

With my kids (who are younger) I think it's had a positive impact on their eating habits and body consciousness. For a spell I saw myself trying to push off what I can't eat on them, so I could live vicariously. I've backed off and let them lead their own choices and I'm pleased they make good ones most of the time.

with my hubby, I don't feel like I left him behind at all, but I worry for his health tremendously. Fending off telltale obesity related issues was a key factor for me. I see these growing in him and it worries me how much of his life/our life they'll consume. I want his effort to be on health maintenance, not keeping disease at bay. I make sure he knows he's welcome to latch on to any fraction of this journey with me-- he just doesn't.

Cant speak about friends- I don't have those.

You have your friends here at least. Here is really the only place I can talk about this stuff. Thanks for being my friend.

I'm so thankful for my virtual connections, I've formed some amazing ones. Not sure how I manage to scare off people IRL, you'd think I boil bunnies and skin kittens for fun.

I met you IRL Peach and you didn't scare me off :)

Me too! Wish we could do it again :)

" I think it's had a positive impact on their eating habits and body consciousness. For a spell I saw myself trying to push off what I can't eat on them, so I could live vicariously."

Wow. Wow. I am doing this. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I read it. Hmm. Something to think about.

FWIW, I seem to also be scary. I don't know why. I have lots of acquaintances that I am friendly with in every group situation. But it never seems to become anything more than that. I promise I don't boil bunnies, lol.

I have had some similar experiences as well. My body's changes, combined with not being needed as "Mom" anymore left me feeling alone, more so than I had expected. It seems that the process of being approved for surgery was so exciting for some family and friends. Now that the day to day reality of small portions and lots of liquids ha**** the excitement faded. Like you said (paraphrasing) friends are not going along for the ride anymore. It's ok, it's their loss. Family, aka husband, losing the excitement of this journey also leaves me feeling lonely. I'm sure I have changed in his eyes, not just physically. I guess it's a big adjustment for all involved and we will all settle into the new normal, eventually...

What I've experienced is that my father seems to have a a difficult time understanding the way I now need to live. Although he is very supportive of everything I'm doing and is very proud of my progress he still picks up the phone and asks me and my wife to go out to dinner all the time. I feel horrible about saying no but that's what i need to do. With my family, spending time with each other is everyone gathering at family's house or at a restaurant and eating.

I am very grateful my son got the thin gene. He does not eat if he's not hungry and he swims a lot. The transition time to adult is something though. I walked in on him today and he looked so young and innocent.

My wife was not at all involved during my honeymoon phase except to be somewhat supportive. I spent most waking hours here or cruising food blogs. Pictures of food and menus made me happy during the first year. Five years later when I was gaining weight by the ton she never said a word. Now that I'm back on the track she says "I knew you would". She eats her vegetarian weird food. Our food or what our bodies look like don't matter. She is becoming more disabled. We take turns being caregivers with each other. I have peace knowing we will always be together. It must be odd to entertain life without yours.

My "advise" would be to pour your energy in to things that make you happy and try and find things you both like to do together. My wife loves a dip cone at DQ. We went for a Sunday drive yesterday while she ate her cone and I drank a latte.

Take care

Hearing about your wonderful love story always makes me smile. You are both so blessed!!