Nosey People & Coworkers

I realize that some people find weight loss surgery difficult. Not everyone does. For me, it was the easy way out.

I had surgery on a Tuesday, was up walking on the treadmill on Thursday and doing housework and driving again by Friday.

I went back to work on Monday. I followed my food plan, got exercise and got all my water and protein in.

I felt wonderful. I was no longer hungry and full of energy. I have felt worse from having a wisdom tooth extracted.

I am hoping your surgery goes smoothly and your recovery is easy. Because it was so easy for me, other people in my life also had surgery and also found it an easy way to lose weight and get healthy again.

I think that because it is momentous for us to have surgery, we tend to think it will be equally momentous for others. I am sure your loss will be noticeable, but your coworkers may not be as nosey and gossipy as you fear.

I've always acted with the belief that my loss is really only interesting to me. I have worked in healthcare a long time, and it can also be a hotbed of gossip. However, I think my attitude of 'Nothing to see here' has discouraged people from asking much. I am not defensive or ashamed and will be honest if asked; but really, it is such a boring topic, on par with your Great Aunt Minnie regaling everyone with her bunion surgery at the Sunday dinner table.

If someone asks, I tell them the truth. That is not a judgment toward people who are not comfortable with sharing personal information. I am truthful because it doesn't bother me to say something, and I find that sometimes, especially if it is someone who is morbidly obese, that person is asking out of a desire for help. I certainly do not proselytize surgery as it is not for everyone, but I will share my experience.

You could handle comments in a number of ways. You can deflect with humor, ask the person why he or she is asking such a personal question, change the subject, or politely state you don't want to discuss your health.

This decision is yours and only yours to make. Not everyone is comfortable sharing and that is totally ok. I am proud of the choices I have made yet I have chosen to not share at work. I'm more of an introvert anyway and I just don't feel its any of their business. Do what feels right for you.

I simply told everyone. Then it was my story to tell. almost 5 months out and haven't met a judgmental person yet. Though I have had other people say "hey my friend (co woker, cousin, neighbour) is contemplating this surgery. They were saying they would love to talk to someone who has been through it. Would you be willing to talk to them?" Or sometimes people just want to know more themselves if they have a loved one going through it.

It isn't the easy way out. I had a few people say to me that when they heard I was going to go for this months before surgery they thought it was an easier process than it is. There should be no shame in getting healthier.

Whether or not you choose to talk to people about it, my suggestion is not to lie (one it furthers the stigma attached to this surgery and two if you are caught in a lie that makes it far far more interesting to talk about).

I've found that the best way to control gossip is to be honest. I didn't want people gossiping about how I might be losing weight, so I told everyone POST-op (not pre-op) that I had weight loss surgery. At least if they're gossiping about me, they're gossiping about the truth instead of whatever stupid fictions they've created.

And, as a bonus, I've had a few people over the last three years ask me for advice as they pursue WLS for themselves, so I feel like I get to pay it forward!

I'm 5 months post-op. I told my boss and my HR contact and swore them to secrecy until I was ready to share what I had done. I'm the person at work that organizes all the catering and carry-ins. I only missed 5 days of work and came back the week of Thanksgiving. There was food EVERYWHERE and I was on full liquids. I got a small plate of food at the office carry-in and pretty much just moved the food around on my plate so I would blend in.

I made the decision that the first person to notice I'd lost weight would be the ice-breaker. So I waited - it was 3 weeks after surgery and I walked into a meeting with 15 people. Someone said, "Hey, you're losing weight!" I smiled and said, "Yes, I'm down 30 pounds, thank you for noticing." Then another person said, "You need to share your secret to success." So I smiled and said, "I had my guts rearranged by doing the Gastric Bypass weight loss surgery." Every single person has been more than supportive.

The way I positively presented it, there was no cause for anyone to believe that it was fodder for Gossip.

So this is going to sound harsh but it's the 1000% truth.

It's absolutely fine to keep your surgery private. It's your business and nobody else's.

But.

Folks are going to notice and if you choose not to tell the truth, it actually says more about you than it does about the folks around you. So what if they think you took the easy way out? As my grandma used to say, "What does that have to do with the cost of tea in China?" Does it make your journey any less hard? (Spoiler: No!) People are going to think what they think no matter what you do or do not say. If they see you losing weight rapidly they'll probably assume you had WLS (or that you have a drug problem or cancer). If they assume WLS they will feed off your silence to confirm that since you haven't said anything about it that it is, in fact, something to be ashamed of.

My advice? Don't hide it, but don't advertise it. At any given point there are about a MILLION more interesting things about you than your digestive system. But if someone asks, be honest. Don't make a huge deal out of it. Hopefully someday WLS will be looked at as just another treatment for obesity. I think we post-ops can do a lot to help that process along.

i agree with cleopatra... it's your decision ... to hide it or not... i didn't lie when people asked how i lost the weight... i simply said i eat healthier and exercise more... true.. not a lie... what difference does it make if i had surgery, did jenny or weigh****chers?? there's always someone out there waiting to see failure.. and i didn't want to hear the negativity... and again, that was MY choice!!

good luck and take care of you!

Ok so just a bit of a push on that point.

I don't get saying just eating healthier and exercise. If that's all there was to it you wouldn't have needed surgery, yes? That also can be very disheartening to folks who are trying diet/exercising alone and aren't getting the same results as you.

The only way to get past the negativity is to acknowledge that surgery is a tool we used. It doesn't work alone. It's not the center-point of our loss but it is a part of our treatment for obesity.

At the end of the day I absolutely believe it is your choice, but I wanted to put that out there. You didn't lose weight just from eating healthier and exercising. Your surgery helped. And in terms of normalizing surgery as a treatment option, I think it's important to acknowledge that point.

and my reply to your post... yep you're right and yep it is / was my choice on how i handle my answer!