Funerals, family and food

I'm up in Connecticut for my uncle's funeral and having a very hard time. Between the drive up with my sisters, staying up late, seeing everyone so sad, being around lots of people all day and the food all over the place, it's been a hard day.

I didn't have time to think thru menu planning or to strategize how to handle it. I'm two months out now so this is my first trip. Ate for crap yesterday and didn't drink nearly enough. Today was better but then being around all the food all day has been HARD. In the past I'd eat when I was anxious, or sad, or happy. Whenever. To be overwhelmed and tired and not be able to eat .....hard.

So they are drinking and eating and I just did not know how to handle it. Just white knuckled it.

I'm back at the hotel now and will be able to grab a nap and be alone for a bit. Then family dinner again later. Hopefully I'll be recharged a bit. I don't want to feel more outside of things than I usually do anyway. Crap. I knew this would be hard. Does this ever become normal? What the hell do people do with themselves? I don't want to sit there and watch people eat and drink but I don't want to not spend time with them either.

Going to drink a protein shake and take a nap. Rant over. Thanks for listening.

Sorry for your loss. For dinner I would do a protein shake before and keep something to sip on during. Maybe a cup of tea or water, something to do with your hands and mouth other than eat. Take care!

You'll be able someday to order more typical things and eat more socially. This is hard to deal with so early. Eating something safe on your own before you go and then sipping coffee or soup at the function is a good idea to me.

I'm sorry about your uncle. I'm not much farther out than you, but so far when I go to family functions I immediately seek out the deli meat or cheese platter. I put a "my size" portion on my plate and take ridiculously small bites so it lasts awhile.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I'm 2 months out too, and went to my first big extended family gathering last night. The family gatherings revolve around food but I made sure before I went that there would be meat dishes that I could eat.

Everyone knows I had surgery and it was the first time I'd seen most people since pre-op, so it was nice hearing their comments. Not so nice was the way everyone stared at my plate to see what i was eating, but they were just curious. I took two tablespoons of a sausage/red pepper/onion dish and a small meatball, tasted a tiny portion of both, gave my Dad the meatball, and went back for another spoon of the pepper/sausage dish, lol, and everyone laughed. I had the smallest portion out of everyone, but it took me the longest to eat. I still can't eat very quickly and always put my plate down between bites. By the time I was done, most people had already had seconds or thirds.

I wandered into the kitchen to get some water while they were serving desert...an entire table full of pies, cakes, cookies, etc., and that was a bit hard, but I was satisfied and actually didn't feel like I was missing out.

I sat with my younger cousins and caught up with them, and it was so nice. One just returned from a once in a lifetime trip from Africa, and we looked at photos of all of the cool animals she saw on safari. Another just graduated college and is a nurse and was hired to work in Petoskey, Michigan, and is just waiting for her green card (we're in Canada).

One nice thing; after dinner everyone was moaning and groaning that they were too full and their stomachs hurt, and I felt absolutely fine :-).

I'm lucky that my family is aware of my surgery and they will make sure there's always something I can eat at parties. I have a family wedding to go to in May, and I skipped the shower because I was on puree and I didn't want my cousins to have to pay for my plate when I couldn't eat, and they got angry with me and said they would have ordered a special pureed meal for me, and to let them know what I can eat for the wedding. I thought that was nice, but I'll be fine at the wedding because I'll be able to eat the soup, chicken or meatballs and veggies and just ignore the pasta and potatoes. I'm not sure when i'll be able to tolerate salad, but hope it's soon as I really miss lettuce.