Husband doesn't want me to have surgery...

Yes. My Controlling Spouse Senses are tingling. Be careful, OP. He won't be satisfied once you are more fit than he is, athlete or no.

Thank you all . I'm overwhelmed and grateful for all your replies.

To give a bit of a background: I'm about 270lbs and managed to lose 70lbs a few years ago, which I gained all back. Unfortunately I lost the weight by starving myself and ended up damaging my liver.

My husband thinks I can do that diet again , but not that drastic plus the exercise. I think his main concern are the surgery complications and he believes it's just lazy from my part not to try losing the weight the old fashion way. He cannot understand food addiction, he's been in competitive sports as a teenager and he's very fit even now, after 25 years, still playing sports.

Our schedule with the kids are insane, I have a full time job, very demanding, I manage to sleep maybe 5-6 hours a night. The exercise I do is walk and swim once a week. At my weight, I'm lucky I can still do that.

As for our relationship, we are together for 25 years, through good and bad, I know he loves me very much but my weight bothers him a lot. From a health point of view mostly but I am sure my looks too. I am mad at him that he teases me and nags me on a weekly basis and we had our share of fights over this.

I'll just continue my journey and make my decision based on what I think it's right for me. I'll be attending the first group meeting with my friend, see how it goes. Maybe I'll convince him to come with me at the next one.

Thanks again for your input.

Take care

The fact that he "teases and nags you on a weekly basis" is really disturbing, and forgive me for being blunt -- abusive.

If you were a diabetic, would he chide you for needing insulin? Or ridicule you for needing a knee replacement? Or would he believe you shouldn't have the knee replacement and just get around the old-fashioned way -- say using crutches? -- How about cancer? -- Would chemo be acceptable?

You know, the old fashioned way to wash clothes was to beat them on rocks in the river. It was a lot more work, and I dare say, the clothes were likely not as clean as they are coming from my front-loading washer in my laundry room. Just because something is the "old-fashioned" way and is a lot harder -- doesn't make it better or more efficient. That's why most of us aren't hitching a wagon to a team of horses anymore to get to work, or dying from curable bacterial infections since the advent of antibiotics.

Why should you suffer the co-morbidities of your eventual terminal disease of obesity simply because your uninformed husband has decided to make your weight a moral failing rather than the medical issue that it is?

I know I am being harsh, but really -- NO ONE DESERVES TO BE NAGGED, TEASED, or VERBALLY ABUSED for having a medical issue. I sincerely hope that you will seek whatever is best for you --- whatever you determine that to be. I trust that you know what is best for your person.

Obesity is NOT a moral failing. You are a lovely and worthwhile person. Trust yourself. You are worth the effort.

THIS!!!!!!

Audrey

There is nothing I can say except I love this Kat!

That is a very powerful response. One of the most articulate I've read. You're absolutely correct- no one deserves a partner who "loves them" so much they need to be verbally abusive. Such a power play. I had to kiss a lot of frogs to get my prince & let me tell you...

OP you need counseling. You're husband needs therapy, too. It's really easy to want to defend the actions of someone you love, who you know is hurting you (physically OR mentally), but it's not healthy- and could very seriously be one of the root causes of your food addiction in the first place.

"I am mad at him that he teases me and nags me on a weekly basis and we had our share of fights over this."

No one deserves to be treated like this. Even if you have accepted this for 25 years, what behavior is this modeling for your children? The fact that he'd call you lazy with all that you do is shameful.

I'm glad that you're going to pursue WLS regardless, don't be surprised if he throws up more roadblocks in your path. Please use the time you have prior to surgery to find a therapist. You will need all the tools in your tool belt you can get.