Holidays and birthdays post-surgery

I just had surgery on the 28th and I'm doing pretty well recovering and progressing with my pureed food. I am a bit concerned, though because in the next month I have a big family gathering for Easter and my 50th birthday, and everyone wants to have a big meal. My mother wants to make a cake..."just a little piece won't hurt you"...and most of the family isn't interested in having a more healthy meal.

How do the rest of you deal with negotiating family gatherings and parties? I want to be kind, but finally my health is more important than their thoughts about what I should eat. I don't know whether it is better to just bring my own food or to try to convince them to make some options that I can eat.

Also related to JuniperBerry's QOTD, my mom, kindly wants to give me an Easter basket with SF candy. It is nice that she is thinking of me, but I don't know that SF is a good option either. Any thoughts about how to handle well-intentioned food-gift givers?

Thanks!

Ask your Mom you appreciate her giving you an Easter basket,but you are no longer able to eat candy without it making you sick.For your Meal at family gatherings make and bring you own. I had mine before Thanksgiving,I couldn't eat a lot nut i made sure I had things to drink and eat that were appropriate.You will also need the stress to your family this is a new way of eating and that you have to limit your portion size,sugar,fat and have low fat proteins.This is for your health and you are in charge.I never ask other to change their meal plans for me.I bring my own meals as needed.Hope this helps empower you.

I second bring your own food. You have no idea what someone else will put in their dishes. At six months post-op I still get very nervous when I have to eat something that someone else (even a restaurant) made... having no idea how to count it.

I had to get through my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas right after surgery. It was difficult, mostly because my own family was surprised that I could not/would not eat some of the dishes on the table. And I now get up before everyone else and leave the table after having what I am supposed to have. My sister thinks I am very rude. Whatever. I do what I have to do to make my life work for me now. (And might I add that my SISTER is MO).

And I also second no sf candy! Not only does it cause terrible gas pains, but it gets your mind back into the notion that it tastes good. I get my daughter an Easter basket now and it has fun things like face masks, fun erasers, jewelry, and gift cards. Not much candy.

Good luck!

If others at food events can't respect your new way of eating just bring your own food. It is what I would do. they can eat what they want and i can eat what i want (i always bring a shake to any social event ...just in case ). I don't know how your family cooks but mine always has healthy options, meat and vegetables, salads etc. Your mother can make a cake if they want a cake. it has no bearing on what you eat. A similar thing happened to me at Christmas. I deliberately got up while dessert was being served and cleared the table and started the dishes. after a few minutes I was asked to come join them only to find a piece of cake at my place. I just handed it back. that was it.

If your mother really wants to give you an Easter basket why not suggest non-food items you really want or could use. toiletries/bath bombs etc.

Ah...yes...celebration eating!

I had my surgery one week before my 46th birthday. So, my celebration meal was some broth and a protein water!

I am only 6+ months out, but have made my way through family vacations, parties and holidays.

For my birthday, my kids made a cake and they ate it. For family vacations, I made sure I had protein forward meals while out to eat and during the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas), I brought a dish to pass knowing it was something that I could eat (zucchini lasagna, etc). As for desserts - I don't eat them anymore. I brought along my favorite Light and Fit yogurt and enjoyed that while others were eating sweets. I also brought my own protein water or diet cranberry juice mixed with water to drink.

The downside for me is that people are watching what and how much I eat. And by not eating what everyone else is eating, it exaggerates them watching me. But it has been worth it! Some people comment, some people don't. Mostly, I get tired of people insisting that I have something to drink with my meal. I just repeat over and over again that I am fine!

My best advice is to just plan ahead as much as you can!

Good luck and happy birthday!

If you get a sugar-free Easter basket it will be Easter you will never forget. That stuff is a powerful laxative. You will have gas, bloating and explosive diarrhea, even with just a few pieces.

Eat before you go or bring your food with you. Hold a glass of water in your hand at all times so that you're hands are occupied.

On the Easter basket, take it, say thank you, bring it home, throw it in the garbage. Or donate it to a shelter. Or bring it to work and let the locusts consume it.

HA! Locust, so true!

At this point, gatherings are a non issue for me. There is always a protein that fits in with my eating style. No one at all pays any attention to what I eat.

Just because food is there does not mean you are obligated to eat it. I do not tell people I cannot eat things; if presses I say I do not eat things. Let them have their big meal. If there really will not be anything you can tolerate, take your own food.

Let them eat cake. They do not understand your new eating plan, and they really do not need to. There will always be gatherings loaded with food, much of it sugar-and calorie-laden. I do not argue with anyone. If they push food, I ignore it and go my merry way. I know we are conditioned to equate food and love, but it's okay to say no.

Word to the wise: SF candy is not your friend. Sugar alcohols are well known to cause unpleasant GI symptoms. Some internet comedy gold regarding the perils of sugar alcohols. Oh dear god, why?

For the kind diet candy Easter basket I would just say thank you and not eat it (it will make you sick as a dog!). The birthday I would just eat whatever protein was served (have a back up plan)and no cake. I have told my family that sugar makes me very sick and I can't have it. Sometimes they push and say you can't have sugar EVER? and I just say no and thank you. I think we have all had to go through this. I never expect anyone to do anything special for me, I make sure I take care of myself!