I backed out the first time ... and now I want to do this. Should I?

Hi Everyone:

I was signed up for the surgery and completed the orientation and the appointment with the nurse.  During that process, my husband left and I was and am still the primary parent for my three girls ages 21, 17 and 10.  The oldest lives at university.  

I cancelled because I could not afford time off of work when working towards getting a house and also because the kids were scared.  They had had enough stress in their lives, losing their dad through a divorce and I didn't want to put them through it.

Flash forward to today ... separated now for 2.5 years and moved into my new house 1.5 years ago.  Middle daughter heading to university in September.  Kids are well adjusted.  So, as for my initial reason of doing this ... I need to get healthy to be there for these kids for a long time, especially the youngest who is 10 (who I had when I was 39 ... a surprise.)

My next issue is that my sister was not a moral support for this surgery.  I can't hardly type this ... but I'm almost 250 lbs ... but my sister is probably 100 pounds heavier than me.  I feel that if anyone should need this surgery, it would be her.  However, she would never do this.  She makes me feel like I'm being a bit vane.  She has fewer health issues than me, although her hips are causing great pain for her.  

I want to do this for me so that my girls have a healthy mom who will be by their side for years to come.  

I guess I"m not really asking if I should do this or not because ultimately it is my choice ... but did anyone else on here have these thoughts and issues when deciding to make this giant lifestyle change and commitment?

Kathy

I think most all of us went through something similar to you.

15 years ago, my (then) sister in law had RNY... I was about 227 at the time, and I judged. I admit it. I thought that it wasn't something anyone 'needed' to do... and I set into losing weight 'the old fashioned way'... I did Atkins, and over about a year I lost 50lbs, getting down to 180. I was thrilled and felt great! (my sister in law probably got down to about 130, from about 250). Fast forward a few years, and guess what? I ballooned up to 260 (after quitting smoking, having a hysterectomy, and thyroid issues -- oh yes, and EATING!).

I started looking into the band. and the more I read (and found this support site), the more I realized that the band wasn't right for me. I then read, and learned about both the RNY and the VSG, and with the help of my doc, set my plan in motion.

I have kids (albeit older now), so I get that part of putting it off when they were younger... 

But you have to be ready. Not your sister. And, as hard as it it, you don't need her permission, support, or chicken soup to do this!

As long as you are ready to really work at changing your eating habits, and working on the brain aspect of having surgery, because brain stuff is tough, then you should do it for you!

It seems that the reasons you had to back out are no longer an issue. You have to want to do this for yourself and be committed. I'm not sure where your sisters validation/support is needed in this situation. Your decision is yours to make and not hers unless you are Siamese twins and you share a body? It is your body and the rest of your life to lead.

You have to determine if you can do what it takes long term to eat appropriate foods and proper amounts with this tool otherwise, long term, you will not succeed.

Many people have doubts before sugery, I knew that I had dieted my entire life and was ready to make this change.

please don't speak for me. "Everyone " does not have doubts. I couldn't wait to get on the table.

I have edited my post

thank you.

I'm sure "everyone" is different in the anticipation of such a big change.  Personally, I will be the one who is nervous up to the day ... it is my personality.

good thing it is not about  or up to your sister, then, isn't it?

would she think it vain if you were getting surgery to fix your heart?

dont let others opinion sway you from a path you know is right for you, unless you are looking for a new excuse, then this one works as good as any.

No, I'm not looking for a new excuse.  In fact, the first time in, my reasons for ending the process were not excuses but my own personal reasons.  I needed to be mentally strong and with being separated and kids adjusting, I had a lot to focus on at that time in my life.  Things have now settled, so I can make this decision with a clear mind and do what is right for me.