Head stuff

So, I had a bad day. Probably my most off plan day since surgery. No, it wasn't triggered by protein bars, lol...even though I have planned for those on the daily thread, I haven't actually had any for three days...we were out at my snack time and I had something else. Anyway, I made a chocolate snack cake for my husband and kids. I am not a cake person, truly. But I have been into it three times today. I'm done, it's wrapped up and I told my husband to take whatever the kids don't eat tonight to work with him in the morning. But I'm trying to get a grip here on this. I didn't even want the damn cake. I wasn't hungry. And I have had that damn hypoglycemic drag fatigue ever since...biding my time until I can go crash in bed. I live with a lot of people that don't eat the way I need to eat and they aren't going anywhere. No, I didn't have to make the cake. I really didn't think it would be an issue...I bake for other people all the time. And if I don't have stuff available, they will bring it in. I've got to figure out how to be around this stuff without eating it. 

Reality is we had this surgery for a reason and it wasn't just because we were morbidly obese... it starts in our brains... As many have said they don't do surgery on our brains.

It is a battle and sometimes we don't win. That is why we have to do everything we can to stack the odds in our favor... Coming here, posting, getting support, planning, limiting the carbs...

I keep saying... and I say it because I need to hear it... This not a diet, it is life...have to pick yourself up and move on. The struggle is real.

We need to learn from our blind spots when they happen... What made this time different than when you "Bake for other people all the time"

I tasted it. I think that did it. I tasted it, just a little, and then it sat on the counter staring at me. I can make stuff and be ok, truly, and serve it and leave it alone..., but I think tasting it pushes me over, and thinking I could just taste it and walk away was dumb. The only time I can manage that is if we are out somewhere else...then I can eat my food and maybe have a bite of something, and then I go home and leave it. It's not sitting on my counter. 

The only thing I find easy to make low carb is Cheesecake....but I have learned I can serve it to company, they love it, but it has to leave the house after that. I use Swerve sweetener when I am baking, I find it works well. And if I need brown Sugar I use truvia brown sugar, which has some molasses in it, so not totally sugar free, but it has the same moistness of real brown sugar... it is not granulated..

Sorry to hear you are struggling with this. I think our surgery dates are pretty close to each other. I know for me, at this point, there's no way I could have a cake just sitting on my counter. I would be constantly thinking about it. And even if I didn't eat it, I'd end up making some other poor decision (I.e. I didn't eat the cake so I can treat myself to x). There are just certain foods I can't have in the house yet. Maybe some day, but not anytime soon. 

I know how satisfying it can be to bake for the people you love. But I really think it's ok to step back from it. Find another way. Save it for special events. And if they want to bring in their own treats, I would first ask them not to, or at the very least, store them someplace you can't see. 

If none of those are an option, I'd look at either scaling your recipes  down to smaller batches, or learning to be ok throwing out the leftovers after everybody has had 1 serving. It's better for the whole family in the long run.

You can get a handle on this. 

Hi Cathy, I am almost 11 months out from surgery and completely understand, it's amazing how mental this journey is. For me, it did mentally get easier and my taste buds changed so that was kinda nice too. What I wanted to mention is when you start getting hypoglycemic feeling, what I do right away is drink 1oz milk and 1/4 of wheat toast with peanut butter on it. I've had to do this about 3 times and it has helped almost right away each time I did it. That hypoglycemic feeling is the worst.  

I think many of us struggle and wrestle with this daily. Some days we win and some days we don't. I love sweets--that's how I ended up close to 300 pounds. I still love to bake. Now when I bake I bake specifically for someone else:a potluck at church,the seniors at the senior meal every Wednesday. When I bake for hubby I cut the recipe down as small as I can and let him eat on it for a few days. If it's not gone I then warn him and the next day throw it away. I have frozen the leftovers on items where that works too. Most of his snacks come in from the store and live their lives on a shelf in the back of the cupboard. Recently I had to take to hiding his crackers there too and putting my peanut butter away every morning after using it. Things sitting out are apparently too easy for me to Grab! You will work out what works for you in time. We are ALL works in progress. 

Thanks everyone...

my night got worse...after the kids were in bed I decided to try my chicken for dinner. Wrong-o. Got the slimes and eventually lost it. What a lot of drama over that stupid cake! 

Well it seems as though your body decided to teach you the lesson instead. Sorry that you had to go through that ordeal, perhaps in the future refrain from tasting your baking creations. If you feel that you may be unable to do perhaps give yourself some time off from baking until you feel mentally ready. Whichever route you choose, I wish you the best of luck!

Cathy ;).  I am near you in surgery dates.  I read your post and it could have been mine.  Not chocolate cake, but that is not the point.   I am a nanny part time.  After the hell of this week with my wife in the hospital, I picked up the boy yesterday and he wanted challah.  I am not jewish, he is not jewish but for some reason he always wants challah for a special treat, and I had promised him a treat.  I have not made challah since surgery.  So I made it.  Brushed it with some sugar syrup when it came out of the oven.  Called the boy to the kitchen to have some.  He does not like the end piece so I cut it off.  Before I knew it (seemed like that anyway) I had eaten the end piece.  Then had a half of another piece, then the rest of that half.  I counted it in my daily calories.  I felt ill afterwards.  Mentally and physically.

I do not know how to fight this particular battle.  Daisy says be a robot.  I have never been a very good robot, which is how I got to 267 pounds.  I think that I will not make challah for a while.  But:  there will always be food at this house, and I just get to keep learning how to do it differently.  And hope for change.  And still live my life the best I can.

We are in this together, and I thank you for posting so that I could have the courage to, also.