I really need to get this off my chest

I couldn't wait to get back to my desk, because I need my WLS buddies bad!!!

Story...

I work in the energy industry, specifically in the Fracing world. I work with the epitome of 'the good old guy network'... I know this, and because I have worked in this industry, on and off since I was 19, I'm well aware of the culture of the industry. And, honestly, I can deal with that. But, because when I started, at 19, I was a skinny, pretty cute girl... so I always was (innocently) flirted with, blah, blah, blah... so fast forward to when I started at this job (after not being in the industry for over a decade) I figured the reason I wasn't really treated like I was when I was younger was because... well, I'm older. Made perfect sense to me, right? And I've never really cared, because I really didn't need to be flirted with, or have anyone pay much attention to me anymore - I'm married and happy, right?

So, I've noticed that over the last few months I've gotten more attention on the elevator (not flirting, none of this is flirting), people talking to me, smiling, etc... I did finally acknowledge that losing weight was the prime reason.

So, today it just really hit home with me, and I am feeling a little anxious, pleased with myself for my WLS choice, pissed off, and uncomfortable... all rolled into one... here's what happened...

Big meeting at our Field Office, so all of us (corporate) came over here. One of the ladies I worked with came into my office and was telling me what happened last week when she was with the Corp guys in Texas... apparently my name came up, and several of them were talking about my weight loss, and were saying how great I looked (that's nice), but that none of them knew what to say to me... so Jodee told them they should just tell me I looked nice. THEN ANOTHER girl that works in this office told me that the Ops Mgr here also was telling her how great I looked, and she also told him to just tell me (LOL)...

So after the meeting, the President of our company (who used to walk past me in the halls with barely a smile a year ago, who now actually talks to me), walks up to me and says "Pam, you look really awesome!"... I got SO UNCOMFORTABLE!!!  I don't know if my personality comes through on the keyboard or not, but I can tell you without a doubt that I am NOT a shy, reserved person. I LOVE attention, talk to walls and make friends with them, and can stand in a room of 100 people and talk to the crowd without issues at all. I love being the center of attention, and always have.

But today, having the President of our company compliments me, THEN having the Ops Mgr walk up to me and tell me how great I look, and have SEVERAL people give me the quick look "up and down"... I'm feeling so out of sorts right not.

Like **** all of you! I was cute before... even if I was fat... and I was smart, capable, outgoing, and worthy of your words 106 pounds ago! 

I was honestly so oblivious to the fact that fat people aren't treated the same... I really thought I was the exception when I'd hear stories! Of course, I also never saw myself as that fat ****il I look at pictures)... and I guess somewhere in my mind, I thought people didn't notice my fatness...

Our company is growing (and I guess one teeny thing good that will come out of the next 4 years, is that the industry I am in will do very well), and my new boss has been asking me what I'd like to do as we grow. I've really put my dreams out there with him, and I wonder if because I've lost all this weight, that I'll be more likely considered for the position???

Ugh... such mixed feelings... and I still can't shake the anxiety I'm feeling right now... I'm actually thinking I'm going to leave in a bit just to get out of here and calm down.

I am happy with what I've done, and I do like that people are kind enough to compliment me (and in a nice way), but I'm also PISSED OFF! 

If you made it this far, thank you... I know that I rely on this board for the menu posts, and reading about other people's journeys too, but I really couldn't wait to get here to get this off my chest, because I know that at least some of you have to understand this feeling I have right now!

Yeap...all of that.  Had the same feelings at about where you are.  The feminist in me wanted to punch people....then the girl in me who always longed to be 'pretty enough' wanted to cry tears of joy to be finally what 'they' always said was pretty...then my inner badass was like "F*&^ you all...I have always been hot!"...and then back around. Now I notice it less but I will never forget how eye opening this journey has been as it has shown me exactly what Thin Privilege looks like from both sides.

I'm almost ready to fast forward to the point that people forget this about me! Maybe a new job right  now would be welcoming... I don't know.

Thank you!! I'm so glad I"m not the only one - and I knew I wouldn't be, not here.

Most everyone goes through a period like this.

The reality is that the world and particularly men are nice to women if they are smaller. The world is nicer if you are a normal size.

Most people don't know about it because they haven't been back and forth over the line. 

You are also in the stage of the most rapid weight loss and that draws attention. You are a walking before and after.

It's a ride isn't it?

(Also..you know..it's Oklahoma and they are oil men. I'm from there and got out as soon as I could)

(Also..you know..it's Oklahoma and they are oil men. I'm from there and got out as soon as I could)

LOL... I landed here by accident, fell in love, and well... you know the rest of the story! 

Love makes us do crazy things!

I do miss the sky,thunderstorms, and Jimmy's egg homemade toast. I have issues with toast. 

That's one thing I noticed when I've lost weight before. Heavy - I am invisible to most people. Then when I am an acceptable size, everyone is so nice and I'm not so invisible. It's so easy to be resentful of the difference in treatment. I'm afraid in my job (law enforcement and mostly men), I will feel that way again as I get closer to goal.

OF COURSE you are cute no matter what you weigh!!!!

Oh yes, the culture is probably very similar!

Remember we are all here when you need to vent too! 

Pammie, the good thing is that there are people here who GET IT. I feel like in my job interviews this fall and winter I was taken more seriously as a smaller person than I was in the same types of interviews a year ago. I was interviewing for the same types of positions then! 

Now I know I've gained experience and confidence and likely some of that is better showcased now, so it's not just the weight loss, but likely the results of the weight loss and all that it means. It's very disconcerting. 

Anyway--you are right. You were hot before. I'm guessing your confidence is on blast now too though--and it's making you even hotter! 

I know, we have the best place to come and have people understand what we are talking about! I've read about it here, several times, but when it happens to you, it just feels so icky (yet, great, because hey, I am more confident, and I like having people notice my accomplishments all the same)

Thank you!! It sucks, yet, it's the greatest thing we've ever done just for ourselves (cept for maybe the kids LOL). Double edged sword.