Big news--want to share, kind-of related to WLS, but not totally

Thanks so much Karen.  I have also wondered if the lack of help stemmed from the docs judging me for my weight.  There was one surgeon who definitely treated me like dirt.  So incredibly condescending and belittling.  Even though he did not mention my weight, it was such a horrible experience.  He was also well respected.  But I would never ever go back to him. 

Thanks also for connecting to the feelings of grief.  I know we cannot go backward.  And we do not know how things might have been.  I feel like my marriage almost fell apart because of this injury too.  It has been such a hard journey.

When I tore my PCL, the first doctor I went to told me I was in so much pain because I was fat. He said I'd be fine if I just lost weight. I told him that I could feel that there was something really, really wrong, but he made up his mind the second he saw me.

After a few months, I went to a different doctor who ordered an MRI, only to discover a third degree tear. I'm still healing nearly 18 months later. One day my knee will be fine, but I'll be angry about it forever.

Your story makes me sad and angry!  No one directly told me that I was fat (and I was definitely "less fat" than I eventually got).  But when someone treats you with disdain, you wonder if that is why.  I mean, why else?  you think, am I talking like I am stupid?  Even now, when I am thin, I always expect people to judge me.  I don't think they do.  I especially think that people who have known me at my heaviest might still judge me, like my thin self is just a disguise. 

I am glad your knee is getting better.  Knees are so much work.  Clamshells!  Bridges!  Clamshells!  Bridges!  Squat squat squat!

I am so happy for you.  I know the pain of tearing your Achilles -- mine tore to 3 CM still attached and I literally thought a sniper had shot the back of my leg!  

Wishing you a wonderful year of recovery!!

Ouch!  And thanks Kat.  :-)  I hope it all goes well.  Right now, I am trying to get everything organized for an expected very long down time.

So glad this is finally getting fixed... I hate to say it but sometimes when we are overweight/obese we get treated differently by Doctors... Even if they don't verbalize that as being the reason.... hope that wasn't the case...

You will be literally jumping for joy soon... and good for you for your persistence....

Thanks for the good wishes and positive images for the future!

I agree with your observations.  I also think the judgement is there even if they are not conscious of it.

Have you ever found yourself judging someone who is overweight, even after having been there and having surgery and knowing it is possible again?  I caught myself making a snap judgment just a couple of days ago, in a road-annoyance moment in the middle school parking lot.  I was so mad at this driver who pulled up and blocked everyone, like she was more important than everyone, and unaware of the drop-off etiquette.  She was right next to me, so I glanced over at her, feeling grumpy, and in that split second, I thought badly of her in general, and her weight was part of that, like her weight was why she was rude or unaware.  I caught myself very quickly, and chastized myself.  I do not want to be that way!  Of all people, I should not judge.  But, there it was--my heart of darkness.  So I have to acknowledge how much it is there for others too.

I wonder sometimes if we are most judgemental about the thing that scares us the most--like we are trying to protect ourselves somehow.  One of my most thin friends, who is beautiful inside and out (very thin and very beautiful physically), is one of the most accepting people I know.  She does not judge people for their appearance, at least not from what I have observed over 7 years.

I'm so happy for you, that you have this chance to feel better. It's true, fat people are treated terribly by doctors,,,I have joked that I could go in with an ear infection and they would tell me it was because I was fat. I have avoided doctors like the plague for years because I felt so much scorn and irritation radiating off of them that I dare to walk around breathing air as a fat person. Anyway. I hope and pray that this surgery is hugely successful for you!

Thanks, Cathy!  I am happy too!

My sister is a surgeon, and she was talking with me at length about this over the holidays.  She herself struggles with weight, as do all my siblings, but she does keep it generally in check, within a 10-30 lb range, with more success staying steady within 10 pounds as she has reached middle age.

We were discussing fat bias in general.  She is such a kind and empathetic doctor--everyone should have a surgeon like her.  Yet, even with her kind and patient nature, and even as she acknowledged the weight challenges in her own life, she also discussed all the risks that being overweight creates for her patients--and the challenges a patient's weight creates for her as a surgeon, including real physical pain that she experiences after surgery on someone who is MO, because surgery is a physical thing for the doctors, involving lifting and supporting of tissues and holding things steady as they work.  She says when someone is SMO, she has to stand on a stool, for example, to do the surgery, and getting the right angles is hard.  She said that patients do not always realize that their weight really does get in the way of a successful surgery.  Or, that their weight contributes to their challenge.

So, she says when she discusses surgery or illness with someone, she feels it is not ethical to not tell them the challenges that their weight brings to the table. 

I do not think all doctors are this empathetic, and not all are honest.  I would appreciate honesty instead of judgement.  As long as the honesty is kind!  I once had a doctor bully me over and over again about my weight, and during a pap smear! SHe was honest, but seemed to delight in calling me chunky, again and again and again.  This is not as it should be.  But I am trying to see the medical point of view also. 

Best of luck to you!