Big news--want to share, kind-of related to WLS, but not totally

My big news is really really big!  Sorry in advance that this post is longish.

I have mentioned before--though I don't expect people will remember--that I have a chronic Achilles tendon injury that makes activity very hard for me.  The injury occurred almost 7 years ago.  In spite of being overweight back then, I was very active, and would go walking every morning, which nourished my soul in so many ways, and I always imagined I would be someone who walked daily until I died.

The tendon injury changed my life.  Think of how WLS affects almost every aspect of your life?  Well, this injury affected everything for me too--but not in a good way.  It has been very hard. (I suppose one good benefit in kind of a weird way is that the injury led to a lot of weight gain, which made me MO, so I qualified for WLS.)

In the 7 years since the injury, I have consulted with at least 5 surgeons and worked with at least 8 physical therapists, and a personal trainer, and done all kinds of evaluations and other interventions.  In fact, one of my main reasons for the weight loss surgery was hoping it would help to heal my Achilles. 

The message I kept getting was that it should heal with physical therapy and time, and that if it did not heal, that was as good as I could expect.  I had been told that surgery would probably just be a difficult year, with the end result not much better than now.

Anyhow, l will be having surgery on my Achilles tendon next month, and there is a great chance it will heal me!  It will be about a year of recovery, but the possibilities are good!  I had an appointment with a highly respected orthopedic surgeon  this week.  This surgeon is very hard to get in to, and I had to set up the appointment about 3 months ago.  I was seeking a last-effort expert opinion:  Was there really nothing more I could do?  Should I continue to live with the pain and lack of mobility?  Could he offer some kind of different therapy?  Was there a different surgery or procedure that might actually help me?

Well, this surgeon looked at a recent MRI, and he saw where half of the tendon had torn from the heel.  He said it has not healed because there is no way this injury would ever heal without surgery.  He said it should have been repaired surgically when the initial injury occurred.  He said he could do surgery and that I could get better! 

Because of the nature of the injury, they will have to do a more complicated surgery: take another tendon in my foot, sever it from its place and use it to augment the Achilles.

I feel an extraordinary mix of emotions about this:  mostly just relief and joy that I can get better! 

Also, I feel frustration and anger--why did the surgeons I consulted with before not see this problem? Why did the first surgeon--who is wel-regarded--not even do an MRI?  But other surgeons had MRIs of me to look at.  Why did no one help me? 

Also, I feel backward fear:  like, wondering if I did something wrong?  Like, not asking the right questions, etc.  I know this kind of backward thinking is not helpful.  Still, when something has gone on so long, and been so hard, it is hard to avoid self-blame even when it is not deserved.

Also I feel immense grief about the 7 years of loss--these feelings of grief are huge and are coming at me really hard--all the years of my children growing up, where I could not easily enjoy the earth that I loved, where it was hard to just do daily work, where everything was slower and harder.

Also, I  feel a lot anxiety about the recovery--long and challenging with lots of down time and gobs of physical therapy and needing to stand up for my own needs. 

But mostly I am hopeful!  I know I will never be 40 years old again.  But to imagine that I can be in a better place in a year!  To imagine that the rest of my life will not be one of disability!  To think that I can again go for a brisk walk, every day, any day, any time I want to, without any fear of pain or slowness.  Or, to imagine that I could go sightseeing in a city, or visit a museum, or do an uphill hike, or even go canyoneering with my family and friends!  To try new things!  To plan a family vacation that everyone can enjoy without having to always accommodate Mom.  To not feel like a burden, to not always get left behind.  To work outside in the yard , to go for a bike ride!  To move quickly!  To be active and healthy so I can enjoy a long life!  To keep up with my very athletic husband!  To feel I can contribute my talents to the world instead of always feeling I have to manage my limits.  To imagine doing fun things with my grandchildren! 

All this is so wonderful.  I just can't express how deeply this is affecting me.

If you read all this, thanks!  I just wanted to share with people.  A big year ahead of me.  4 weeks 'til surgery.

Hope for a better life is coming at you again.  The many adjectives you used about your feelings are understandable.  All the Best when, after four more weeks, you can add "new and improved."

Thanks so much.  Thanks for reading my post!  It meant a lot to me to just write that out.  I hope I do become new and improved.  I hope it is an improvement to be more empathetic also.

Hugs. I am happy for you.  A lot of times it takes the right doc to really see us and be able to help us. 

It takes a lot of determination to find a right doc.  There docs and docs. Now you know that "nothing can be done" mean "I am not good enough to help you". 

Since my RNY I had to "hire" and "fire" a lot of docs. Because when I heard "you need to live with that, and we don't know why some people get like that" was not an answer I would accept. 

Recovery of tendon surgery can be long and painful...But there is hope you can restore a full mobility for that leg. Plus - with your lower weight - just physical therapy and exercises should be much easier than when you were MO.  Like with WLS ,- it took a while to get to goal...Not all of it was pretty...

Good luck.. and I am really happy for you. Nobody can give you back the 7 years...But maybe you needed it to fully appreciate what you had. Plus ...To be ready for whatever comes your way. 

Thanks HALA.  I also thought of that parallel to recovering from WLS.  And, I do hope the lower weight helps the healing.  I admire your tenacity and insight into getting medical help.  

I am so happy for you! I had a very small Achilles tear several years ago. Mine healed quickly but it was tremendously painful. I can't imagine living with that pain for so long. Congrats on a new beginning!

Thanks!  I am so excited, and I have not even had the surgery yet!  I am more exited for the possibilities of this surgery than I was even for WLS.  

That's great news. I'm glad you finally found a good doctor.

Thanks Grim.  I guess better late than never.

I am SO happy and excited for you. You should have zero worries about the year of therapy because if you've lived with this pain for 7 years you are one strong and determined lady and therapy will be easy because you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I understand about  the anger too because I dealt with years of pain and misdiagnosis with my rheumatoid arthritis because of my weight. All the regular doctors and specialists blamed my constant daily pain on my weight. When I finally found a doc who would scope my knees and not just tell me I was fat--he found that I had no cartilage at all left. Severe RA had destroyed every single bit. The same RA that I had had for at least 8 years. Because I was young (30) and fat that was all they would see. The anger at being robbed of the years spent active with my boys who were babies then led me to see a psychologist and talking with her helped me to see how none of this was my fault and to move on with my life even though I was never able to work at my career again. She helped me come up with a sense of purpose and a new plan and options. All the feelings running through your head are totally normal and there is absolutely nothing wrong with finding someone to help you sort through and process them. I can't wait to hear of your progress.