Hubby gaining while I'm losing

I'm getting very concerned about my DH.  I love him dearly and would not want to hurt him in any way but am concerned about his recent weight gain.  He's been slightly overweight for sometime, but nothing significant.  I have no idea what he weighs, but he's getting a rather large belly.  I'm concerned because his BP has been up and he now snores a lot and I'm thinking he may have sleep apnea.  My dilemma is do I say anything to him or not.  I don't want to come across as critical or preachy - after all he put up with me being SMO for 20-30 years. He just turned 60 and I'm concerned about his health.  Say something or not?  If so, how should I approach it?

Does he eat the same meals you are? Can you talk to him about how excited you are that BOTH you can become so much healthier! You can make it about the two of you and not single him out or preach. Talk about how many people have health issue's with age and now that you BOTH are eating better and hopefully adding in exercise (even if it is just walking) then you BOTH will have far less health related issue's as you age. 

I personally wouldn't say anything to my spouse. I'm sure he is aware he is gaining and there may be something behind it like severe stress or something is bothering him. He also could be compensating for the feeling he is feeling about seeing you look way different and losing. Some spouses think, if my spouse loses to be a thin person, what does that mean for me? will they not want me anymore.

i think you should wait it out, but maybe talk to him just about the sleep apnea part. My DH has it and stops breathing in the night. I sometimes have to shake him awake because his apnea is untreated. it actually scares me but he won't go to the overnight test, he is stalling.

mine actually told me last night he would like to lose 20 more pounds this year and I was proud of him, but first he needs to eat all these darn granola bars in this house on his snack shelf. lol

I wouldn't say anything about the weight gain. But I would say something about the snoring. Actually, I did. My husband has used a cpap for a few years now. To me, apnea is serious and needs to be addressed.

also snoring is the worst, I couldn't tolerate it.

Has he had a physical lately? If not, make him. Hopefully his doctor will say something to him.

My boyfriend was in the same boat. He gained quite a bit. All in his belly, which is so unhealthy. I said nothing. 18 months ago, he had a stroke at the age of 46. Now I wish I had said something before it got to that point. Since the stroke he has taken better care of himself. He exercises everyday (swims for an hour and gets his 10,000 steps in- he has a fit*****e has also lost weight.

We talk a lot about health now. I worry he will have another stroke. I tell him that I love him regardless, but that I want to spend a long life together with him and this will not happen if he is DEAD!! Yes, I am blunt now, but he needs to know how serious taking care of his health is.

Does he exercise? If not, tell him you want to exercise together. Get fitbits, take walks together, be active. Start somewhere.

Good luck.

Thanks everyone for the replies.  He has his annual physical coming up in a few weeks and I'm hoping the PCP will do my job for me.  He has a very active job - wears a fitbit and gets between 12,000 and 15,000 steps in daily at work.  When the weather is decent we try to meet to walk after work (we do a 3 mile loop), but that hasn't been happening much lately - I HATE WINTER!  Anyhow, if he doesn't bring up the subject after his physical I'll try to bring i up as gently as possible.  I'm a morning person and do 60 minutes on the stationary bike or eliptical at least 5 days a week, but he hates indoor exercise.  The snoring is what bothers me the most - not just keeping me awake, but the fact that I'm pretty sure sleep apnea is involved.  I lost over 200 lbs. 15 years ago (and of course gained most back pre WLS) and at that time he lost the 30-40 lbs. he needed to, but now I'm pretty sure he's gained all that back plus about 20 more.  I'm really hoping the doc will convince him to do something.  I think he would appreciate it more from her.  His BP has been up the last several times it's been taken and I know he will do most anything to avoid medicine. 

I like Laura in Texas' approach via the medical appointment. My hubby is MO, and I don't nag him about losing weight- I nag him about going to doctors appointments,getting check ups, investigating complaints (sore ankle, back pain etc) and taking his meds. like you I hope the doc will be more direct about losing weight and how. 

My hubby came home beaming the other day that his doc said his sleep apnea has improved so much. Told him if he tires of the machine there is a surgery they can do so they can make it he doesn't need the machine any more. I cringed at the idea-- nothing spoken  at all about losing weight to aid in not needing the machine- skip straight to surgery ::sigh::

If it were me, I would definitely mention your worries about sleep apnea as it can be life threatening. 

If you do mention weight, maybe you can talk about how YOU feel so much better now that you've lost so much weight, and mention things that are easier for you now, so the onus is on you instead of him.  Someone else suggested working out together and that seems like a great idea; ask him to go for walks with you, or swimming, or whatever the two of you like.

I'm not married, but my Dad is overweight and has been almost all of his adult life, and my Mom has been harshly critical of him for as long as I can remember.  She constantly polices what he puts in his mouth and he just waits until she falls asleep and eats what he wants at night.  She yells at him in the morning.  I've tried to talk to her to tell her not to do it, that it doesn't help at all and likely makes things worse because she shames him all the time and it makes him to want to comfort eat, but she doesn't want to hear it.  When he does manage to lose weight, she takes all the credit and tells everyone he would weigh over 300 Ibs if it weren't for her.  She tried to do it to me too but I quickly put an end to that.

Kathy

Did he say anything to you when you were SMO? That's where my thought process would start. 

He has always been entirely supportive of me whether I was a size 6 or a size 28-30.  He did express concerns over my health, which is where my concern for him lies as well.